Did I make the right decision?

[Guest]

My Husband is going away this weekend to Alantic City to play poker. He asked me to come along, but I said no thanks using our 5 dogs as the excuse to stay home. (Yes I could have kenneled them,But simon hates the kennel) I hate gambling and anything spa like, so all I would do is set in the room read and probably want to drink & give into it ;because he plays endlessly. Only coming into the room long enough to take me to dinner and have breakfast. I feel Guilty because he said he would enjoy my company during the 5 hour drive; but I didn't think I could handle being cooped up in that room. I stay alone most of the time at home and I have been doing the MWO program and it is for the most part working. But at home I have distractions and always something to do (usually dog related groomers vet etc.) I am now worried that my husband is going to feel cheated by me for choosing to stay home rather than be with him. Albeit it is just for the company in the car. Oh well just another thing to worry about. I don't think he would cheat on me I just don't want him to be lonely. We really don't spend a lot of time together during the week. He runs his own business. Leaves the house at 4:30 am returns 8pm or later M-F. What would any of you have done?
Thanks
Mar

[Rocky]

Did I make the right decision?

Mar

Not sure one option is better then the other and I think you could make either one work..

It depends what is important to you.

You could go with him, but take care to plan what you will do there..(Take the MWO CD's, buy some new books, rent some new movies, a journal, see what else the facility offers that you could plan.. set some things you want to accomplish during the trip that you can feel good about and you will feel good about going)

You could stay home in order to accomplish some other things that you need to do at home and explain to him why thats important for you to do that and stay home...

Either option could be great... Just spend a little time thinking whats important at this time...

Either way...I wish you the very best...

[YoungAtHeart]

Did I make the right decision?

Hi Simey,

Does your husband know about your decision about drinking? I think that you are trying to make a choice here about taking care of yourself, not a choice to hurt or deprive him. As you said, he leaves you alone most of the time in Atlantic City anyway.

If he doesn't know why you are doing this, it might not make sense to him. If it were me, I'd probably tell him why I was choosing to stay home and hope that he would understand. But I don't know what kind of a person he is, Simey. Only you know!

I hope it all works out well.

Hugs,
Kathy

[InnerStrength]

Did I make the right decision?

Hi Simey
I think only you know what is best for you - if you think the temptation would be too great to drink in a place away from home- esp. if you are left alone the whole time (I am sure I would feel the same way) then perhaps staying home IS best. I think you need to make the right decision for YOU. And I think we have to stop worrying and feeling guilty about making other people happy. We have to start looking out for ourselves for once. We have a tendency, especially as women - and I am learning, as drinkers generally - to be pleasers - and we have to break this habit and start looking after ourselves too. I say good for you for making you a priority. You do what you think is right for your recovery and well being. we support whatever choice you make.
Jen

[betty boop]

Did I make the right decision?

Hi Simey,

Like Kathy says, does he know? If he does then he should be proud of you for the reasons behind you making your choice.

If he doesn't know then he is probably feeling confused.

Sorry if that doesn't help.

Love & Hugs,

Paula xx

[southernbelle47]

Did I make the right decision?

Hi Simey,
I would only go if there is something for you to do that does not involve drinking. Shopping or movies or something away from the drinking, gambling stuff. The spa probably even serves wine.......
I've never been there, so I'm not sure what is around there.........are there any tours or site seeing things to do?

I totally understand how your dogs may be the better option for not drinking........but as Kathy said, I think your husband needs to understand that it really has nothing to do with him.....just the added stress of being in that place.
Take care of yourself.......even if it means staying home.........and don't feel guilty.. "To thine on self be true".......
Love,
Nancy

[Guest]

Did I make the right decision?

Kathy, He does know about my drinking.He is the one to told me to seek therapy. He knows that I am doing the MWO program. I just don't think he relalizes the stress of being shut up in that hotel room.I try to tell him and I get a short "OK" . I do tend to take on others feelngs my biggest concern is I don't want him to think by trying to change, I'm leaving him emotinally, Also have a challenge today kinda funny have to pick up my supplements at the health food store the quandry?it is next door to the liqour store. Wish me well!! Oh,to anwser your question he is a very good man indulges me in anything I want, But he grew up with a depressed Mother and a Herion adicted father. So that is part of my guilt I feel like I always have to be there for him because so many people were not in his past. Lets keep smiling thru the tears!
Thanks all
Mar

[AAthlete]

Did I make the right decision?

Simey, just have a heart to heart with him and let him know exactly why you are scared to go. If you tell him that you are working to get this under control and it doesn't mean that you'll never go with him, I think he would understand.

I'm guessing that both of you, if you really think about it, realize that getting a handle on your drinking is a bigger priority right now. Maybe you could schedule another trip in advance with him, so that he would realize that it is temporary, and it would also give you something to shoot for (and plenty of time to prep for it).

Best of luck.

[YoungAtHeart]

Did I make the right decision?

I understand, Simey. You've been a good woman to be so understanding of his needs. This may be a growing experience for him too--maybe learning to be off on his own a little more and knowing that you will be there for him to hear about his experiences away, etc. And guys usually will answer with one-word answers like "Okay". You'll have to wait and see if he really is okay or disappointed. He could change his plans a little too, like only going for a day instead of the whole weekend so that he does have more time with you. I'm glad that, on the whole, he has been a good husband to you.

I hope that this all works out for you, but as Jenneh said, we women are often very accomodating to others, and I think it goes hand in hand with our drinking. At least I know it has for me!

All the best!
Kathy