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[Nursie]

So I tried to arrange an intervention with Joani Gammel, author of the Interventionist for my brother. She was very approachable and helpful, but the intervention costs 4000 bucks, plus travel expenses and the rehab. I can't do that. . Bit she did give me the name of a book on how to do your own intervention so I may try that.

Also, my mom has been using again. And she called me yesterday to tell me her roommate died of an overdose. She found him in his room and she thinks it's her fault. She sounded high when I spoke to her so I couldn't talk to her long.

I set some limits as I mentioned in another post, that I need to distance myself from my family to protect my sobriety. I am wondering though, if something happens to them, I fear my guilt will be just as destructive.

Just need a little reassurance I guess. I have no desire to continue to be a part of their spiral anymore when I have my own struggles but I hate to be so cold.

Thanks for listening.

[Cinders]

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Nursie,

Guilt can be very rough on us alkies. I know very well.

However, going against what is best for your sobriety is even more dangerous.

You can't be any help to them if you go back to drinking.

Your sobriety must come first.

Cindi

[mama bear]

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Shit Nursie...I am sooooo sorry.....and Cindi is absolutley right.....
You have to put YOU first...
can your brother help with your Mom? Using? That brings horrors to mind.....
Lots of hugs to you

[KateH1]

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Wow, Nursie, what a tough situation! You know that you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything that happens to any of your family due to their drinking and using drugs. You also cannot do the work to get them sober. It has to come from them. On the other hand, you do have control over your own sobriety and that is the best place for you to be. You will gain powerful strength and insight through your own sobriety.

Have you thought of attending some "Alanon" meetings? I have heard some very good things about this organization.

Best wishes to you,
Kate

[Nursie]

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Thanks guys,
Mama, my brother can't help because he is a raging alcoholic and drug addict himself. That's why I was trying to do an intervention. He hates her and hasn't spoken to her in 4 years. Even when he had his near fatal motorcycle, he still would not speak to her.

My brother's girlfriend just called me crying that he is drunk and taking vodka on the train to go to his job in the city. He works in the underground tunnels and many of them drink and do drugs to stay awake.

I can't get sucked in again. I think that me being calm and sober is what can be the best help to them and the rest of our family.

And I used to attend al-anon frequently. It helped a great deal for a few years but it became the same people crying the same stories and they hadn't changed their situations. I do have all the books. Maybe I could try a different group since I live in a different town now.

Thanks everyone.

[NoraC]

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Nursie - so sorry. You are so right. You can't let yourself get sucked into it. You must focus on yourself first. Thinking of you. :l

[mama bear]

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Yikes, Nursie....what a messy situation.
I dont even know what to say except stay away....they are toxic.

[Nursie]

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Thank you all for your kind replies.
After a good nights sleep and prayers, I have decided the best thing is truly to stay out of it and let the chips fall. They are both big triggers for me and I can't allow that.

I feel peaceful about my decision.
I feel grateful to be sober.
Maybe my serenity will inspire them? No matter, I am in a good space right now. I can't jeapardize it for anyone.

I will not drink no matter what no matter who. And I am so glad I believe myself when I say that.

[KateH1]

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Hi Nursie,
You sound really well this AM, The Serenity Prayer makes me think of you at this time. It is truly filled with Wisdom!

Even though I am not a member of AA, I think ALL people alcoholics or not, can gain from these words of wisdom

God, Grant Me the Serenity,
To Accept the Things I Cannot Change;
Courage to Change the Things I Can:
And the Wisdom to Know the Difference.

I admire your determination to take control of your own life and your own happiness....Much continued Sobriety and Happiness to You!

Kate:l

[DizzyBee]

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Hi Nursie

I bumped into this thread and I can empathise with you. OK my dad drinks too much but I associate with you more because my family are such big triggers for me.

Firstly, I started taking Topamax 6 weeks ago for bipolar and it cured my depression and took away my obsessive thinking about alcohol. Still, I have learned the hard way that it is better to be AF because even though I don't think about alcohol, drinking brings out parts of my personality that I don't like.

Anyway back to you you and family being triggers. My mom is bipolar I and my dad is epileptic so all 3 of us are on mood stabilisers. I'm going to say this in past tense because even though I slipped up yesterday I am back on the wagon...

My dad used to be a big trigger as I have a lot of hate and resentment toward him. He never used to drink but since he started taking Effexor a few years ago he is drinking more heavily and smoking 40+ cigarettes. He used to be a very strict parent who believes in spanking and not when you were bad only when he was in a bad mood and you happen to be the same as you were every other day. Then he had a brain operation and turned in to a 'big kid' always wanting someone to hang out and play with. So because I was the only one in the family who drank more than him he started liking me more and finally we used to get along after 3 glasses of wine. Sad.

My mom is my other trigger as she is a truly sweet and wonderful person but she 'cracked' a few years back and was diagnosed with bipolar I. She swings high and very low. She used to be my rock and the person I ran to and right in the middle of this big alcoholism mess she tried to kill herself. So I just hid it away and being the good Calvinist family that we are so did everyone else. She was hospitalised and I had to look after my dad, the person who I still hate even though I now feel sorry for him. I think I drank more then than ever in my life and of course she pretended to get better and promised me she wouldnt do it but 6 months later she tried to yet again kill herself. Back to working from home total alcoholic Dizzy looking after her half retarded half alcoholic dad.

So no, my intention is not to hijack your thread. I just wanted to comiserate. In rehab my counsellor said that if I don't learn to build boundaries my prognosis is zero. Its bloody tough not to feel responsible for our parents. Like I say my mom is not using but she is very low at the moment. So last night I decided not to take my dad to my aunt's birthday as it will just be a trigger for me. So she took him and it turned out fine. But if she took him and she then later took a handful of pills I wouldve blamed myself.

Its not a kind thing to say and I don't mean it for anyone here but sometimes I feel like some people should not have kids. I know by default that means I wouldn't be alive but a family full of bipolar/epileptic depressives and a family full of addicts is sure more difficult than a normie family.

So lots of :l you have to be strong, and you have to set boundaries, and you have to get counselling if you can. You can not save your brother or your mother any more than I can save my father or my mother. They are responsible for their own lives and the more we look after them the more they consciously or subconsciously manipulate us. :l

I'm like a broken record but Topamax works a treat for me on the Al front in case your brother will maybe read the MWO book. But does he know he has a problem to begin with?

[SKendall]

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Nursie, sobriety is very hard to achieve, so protect it beyond all odds.