MAYkin' It Sober

[mama bear]

MAYkin' It Sober

Hubs left for a Cinco de Mayo party and I started bawling like a little baby. He offered to stay home, sincerely...but i didn' t want to spoil his fun. I am the one with the problem not him. I was shocked as my response, but I am not ready for parties yet......wouldn't be pretty

[Nursie]

MAYkin' It Sober

Hey MAYkers,
I had a lovely day mowing and feeding the horses with my son.
My stepdaughter is still at the unit getting her meds and counseling straightened out.
No thoughts of al today. And it is my best friends birthday, the one who died suddenly in September.

[DriftyAlison0]

MAYkin' It Sober

I had a lovely day with treating myself to lunch and now I am home studying for the dreaded finals week that starts on Monday. I have already had 3 finals so I only have 2 left to go.

[mama bear]

MAYkin' It Sober

Nursie....mowing and hanging out with the horses sounds llike bliss to me
Drifty...what are you studying?
Guy....good for you!!!!

[mama bear]

MAYkin' It Sober

Drifty has a BIG day coming up!!!
Dizz...I LOVE THE RHINOS!!

[DizzyBee]

MAYkin' It Sober

Hey Everyone

Anyway, I have something I want to get off my chest about the bf situation. If you're tired of listening to the saga, please feel free to skip it, I won't blame you. (some people here share other threads with me, but not many) I'd just like to ask everyone that read it to just listen and not give advice.

Obviously you can comment, I just don't need anymore advice. Its not that I don't value your advice, its just that it hurts too much right now, and I have had advice from 20 different people. But I want to get it out of the way today as I also have a cold and I have lorry loads of work tomorrow, so the last thing I'd like to do is explain why I'm feeling sad. So if everyone can just listen, I would really, really appreciate it. Withing the next couple of days or so I should be back into full Dizzy mode again

I already shared this somewhere else, so I'm just going to paste it again. I was telling someone how I appreciate how we support each other and even though we may fall, we get back up, and we keep fighting.

I think this is the great thing about this website, its not one person holding up another, its us keeping each other up. Yes, most of us will fall and yes, Ive fallen but there wasn't one person around here that didn't understand why. Not one person thought I was 'weak' or 'indulgent' or 'stupid' as they know how hard it is.

Like right now I think I'm breaking up with my boyfriend. I grew more and more resentful because we were both going through a stressful time and as I was now sober I realised that the more stressed he was, the more he drank. I sent him an email (we are in a long distance relationship right now and I was about to go over to the UK at the end of the month) explaining that I need for him to talk to me more when he is stressed instead of always just going to the pub.

Long story short, the email fell on what he calls his 'second birthday' not his real birthday but the day his mom thought he was born. (Catholic, 6 kids, long story) Of course, a crap load happened on his real birthday 3 days prior when I did send him an eternal love rune keyring to celebrate our first house together. We ended up being one day to get that house and he phoned me and said that it was very thoughtless to give keyrings to 'homeless' people on their birthdays. (He lives in a very fancy B&B.

Anyway...So thats when I fell. Last weekend. After 31 days AF, I went back to drinking because my boyfriend was being an ass after I asked him to drink less. Please note I did not ask him to quit, you can never force someone to quit. The whole weekend was filled with awful fighting etc.

So last night he sent me an email saying he can't forgive me for 'abusing' him on his 'birthday.' And right now, even though it hurts like hell and I'm sad, I genuinely feel like I have handled this in a grownup way, and there is something beautiful in there.

When I get drunk, I get overemotional and nasty and off kilter. I do sometimes look for arguments and attention and fights. And then I feel awful the next day, as if I deserved whatever I got in return.

Now I just feel like I am the person who have grown in the relationship and he is the person who feel left behind. I gave him a nudge and he feels hurt. If he wants to be with me he will man up, otherwise there is someone better out there for me.

Yes, this may not be over, and yes, if it is, it will hurt for another couple of months to come, but having this amount of clarity makes it so much easier.

And I think that is what I appreciate most about sobriety. It makes me feel like although shit will happen, I am a good person doing my best every day. I am no longer (and this is only my own thoughts reflecting on myself) this sad, confused, broken person who acts out and then hides her shame behind alcohol.

Thanks for listening :l

:h

[Unwasted]

MAYkin' It Sober

Dizzy, you sound SO together......like you know exactly what you need to do. No advice from my end - only this comment: Now that I'm not drinking I like knowing that all the decisions/reactions I make/have are the real me. Before, my body was always in such turmoil from lack of sleep and hangovers I was never quite sure what was cause/effect. Now I know everything I do is the real me, be that good or bad. Things do have a way of working out in the long run especially with relationships. If they're meant to be, they stand the test of stressors. If not, then you're right, something better down the road will happen for you.

Mama, I'm sorry you're having a tough time. It takes a lot of courage to make the decision you made about the party. I think you'll thank yourself tomorrow and down the road once you've achieved some long-term sobriety.

Nursie, you sound nice and calm today - hope the craziness in your life is settling down!

Alison, good luck on your exams!

Alls, WW, K9, and anyone else stopping by - have a lovely sober weekend!

[allswell]

MAYkin' It Sober

MB, I can definitely empathize, I'm sure today it really felt like the right decision.
Dizzy, I like what you said about just dealing with what comes. I haven't had one insurmountable problem since I quit and I used to think I had them daily which was nothing but an excuse to drink of course.
Had a really good day, went running, saw an exhibit at a museum, had a nice lunch out and read a little of my book. So glad on Sunday evenings I feel ready for the week and not full of dread and fear like the old days. Take care UN and everyone else who might stop by!

[DriftyAlison0]

MAYkin' It Sober

Thanks everyone. I am going through the Humane Officer Program.

[NoraC]

MAYkin' It Sober

Drifty - that's great. Do you work with animals now?

I didn't have a successful weekend. Went off the antabuse and naltrexone because of the tests I'm having done on Thursday. Finally took an antabuse today. It should be ok by Thursday. Can't take the Nal until after though. I had been doing really well so I think that the Nal was really helping with the cravings. I'll be glad when I can get back on it.

Dizzy - loved your post. You are a good person doing your best every day. :l

Glad to see that everyone else is doing well.

[DizzyBee]

MAYkin' It Sober

Thanks guys

I'm just going to start commenting from here, hope its OK.

Unwasted, I can relate to a lot of what you say of how you used to feel. You are also an inspiration for me. And if you can achieve this much in 6 months...well almost, I hope you have a big cake planned!

Allswell, I too really enjoy the small things in life. I used to just want to work and get drunk and no longer wanted to do small things that gave me pleasure. Now a bubble bath, pottering in the garden, reading books, having coffee with friends, that is much more precious to me than getting pissed.

NoraC, yeah, it may seem like a simple sentence, but it was a bit of a Aha moment for me. I struggled with low self esteem for a long time and now I start every day over and just do the best I possibly can.

I'm sorry the Nal is so tough on your body. Are you sure this is the best one for you? What test are you taking? Good luck! :l

Mamabear, I do sometimes feel like that when I stay home from parties. But when you are OK with the not drinking and you go to a party... (its not often this has happened to me, say once or twice) I can tell you that drunk people are the pits. Its enough to put you off drinking.

One day when you're ready, go, and hang out with the drunkest bunch towards the end of the night. I don't mean this to be cruel. But you will know that these people will think they are wittier, more intelligent and great conversationalists at this point. And all you will see is people who are stumbling, forgetting words, being thoughtless. This obviously doesn't happen with people who stop at 2 drinks but I would say it happens to 9/10 people who doesn't or can't stop at 3.

And then the next time husband goes to a party, you'll probably rather want to stay home with a DVD than to hang out there. Well, unless everyone at the party drinks very little. Sorry if I'm generalising here. I had a friend who used to tell me she doesn't go to parties as drunk people are the most boring people in the world. It severely annoyed me until I found out she was right.

Good luck Drifty! :l

Have a great Monday everyone.

XOX

[mama bear]

MAYkin' It Sober

thanks Dizzy...good point!
Monday morning at work, so I will check in later
Nora....are you saying you drank....it wasn;'t clear to me

[DriftyAlison0]

MAYkin' It Sober

I did work with the animals somewhat this term, will be working with them a lot in my internship.

I had a nice AF weekend and studied for some of it.

[K9Lover]

MAYkin' It Sober

Hi MAYkers!

[mama bear]

MAYkin' It Sober

Dizz - I hope i am not overstepping, but your boyfriend sounds like a huge trigger that may not be good for you hun...
Drifty...do you want ot be a vet or work for the city??