Right before I lost you I printed out a post from a member named 'Tipplerette'. I'm not entirely sure sure why I printed it. Her post just absorbed me. She said nearly everything I have ever thought about myself and my situation: I don't use the the tools like I should; I have so much to be grateful for but endanger it all; I am so sick of myself; I can't do anything consistantly; why can't I get it together...That stuff. The self loathing is spectacular. It is indeed 'amazing that I can brush my teeth every day.' I kept her printed post on my bedroom bookshelf hidden behind my Elton John Bobble Doll for nearly 2 months. When I felt I was going down the tubes I slipt it out and read it sentence for sentence. I have no idea who you are but you are my Kwan. That letter kept me mostly sane and sober the whole time. I hope you are flourishing and happy and brushing your teeth

Anyway I checked in again yesterday, because you know we do do that same thing over and over and over again expecting different results and Voila! OMG! A different result! There you were !!
The complete homepage. RJ's big smile. All the forums. All the headings. All the annoying ads...like you had never left!
I cried all morning and read posts all afternoon. It feels UNBELIEVABLE to be back. It's a tacky cliche but I absolutely did not know what I had until I couldn't have it anymore. I have lurked here with you for years. Since 2007 to be exact. On again off again like a cheap suit. I posted once or twice. Nothing memorable.
But now that I am home-so to speak- I promise not to lurk anymore. I promise to try harder. I promise to stay in touch at least 3X a week even if I have nothing to say. I promise to use the tools. I can't promise not to drink yet but I promise to change the way I try not to drink yet.
I never told you this but you guys are my neighborhood, my people. As my twin daughters would say, you're my BFF's and as Forest Gump would say even I know that's something you can't find around every corner'.
There just aren't any others out there like you who make bearable and often times heartening this misery. I will NEVER leave you again. Talk with you soon. Good night.

Howdy Kradle.......So you had a little Broad Ban melt down...I know how you feel.....sometimes I hit one of my everyday sites and I'll get "Site not Found" Ha! Well it was found 200 times before....wtf. Ha! You just keep trying, eventually you'll find what you want. Glad your here......lot's of good stuff', everyone's a pro here......Use their talents ! Happy Trails....Tony

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