Well...My Journey Begins.

[briseus]

Hello all!

Some of you may know that today I planned on it being day 1

I had half a bottle of wine (the big ones) and I kept telling myself to leave it there but who was I kidding?? I need to do something different this time.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
So I poured it down the sink. I almost - ALMOST - left enough there for a glass but I said "f&$* u" and just dumped the entire thing.

I have been reading a lot today and not trying to think of the booze but if is so freaking annoying that as you get closer to your "margarita time" your mind tries to rationalize more drinking.
For instance. Some thoughts that have been running through my mind.

"might as well quit when you go to your first counsellor appointment"

"it's a gorgeous day out there! Go out there, sit in the sun and enjoy a cold one!"

"it's the end of the month might as well start in June"

"you haven't drank for as long as a lot of other people so you're fine"

Wow. Really? STFU!!!

I am not struggling...yet...the voice gets just really annoying at times.
I need to remind myself that the first glass or two may seem great but I will probably black out and not remember half the night because I can't stop after two so why is the point?
I need to keep reminding myself all the great times I had sober.
I wasn't born an alcoholic and before I did become one I had more fun then when I was drunk.

Just wanted to say hello, thanks for listening and onwards and upwards!

[mama bear]

Well...My Journey Begins.

I am here briseus......

[Rags]

Well...My Journey Begins.

Hi Briseus,
Sounds like you are motivated to stop drinking so you're off to a good start.
It's the mind games that go on in our head that we need to be careful about, as you seem to have realised from reading your post.
Have you got any plans for activities /diversions for when drink o'clock time comes round?

[Nichau]

Well...My Journey Begins.

Hi briseus!

I want to write (when I'm sober, and *want* to drink) all the reasons that I want to drink. Reasons like yours, plus "I'm happy!" "I'm sad!" "It's Monday!" "It's Friday!" "I'm nervous/anxious!" "It'd really taste good right now!"

The problem I have is actually writing things down *after* I drink. "I'm depressed." "I'm fat.". "I shirked my responsibilities today." "I spent money I didn't have." "My house is a mess." "*I'm* a mess."

Just wanted to let you know that I totally understand what you're going through.

—Nichau

[DriftyAlison0]

Well...My Journey Begins.

I quit on May 21, 2011 so it is possible to quit at the end of the month. I applaud you for starting this journey. Like yourself, I knew that most people here have drank far more, but I wanted to nip it in the butt before I became them. You don't have to be as bad as them to quit. Your making the right decision to quit now and not wait. If one way fails, try another way. Pravo to you in pouring the poison down the sink. I know if I kept any of my own AL in the house, I would not have made it this far. I can leave my mom's and brother's AL just fine (and they don't do it that often) because if the AL is not mine, I don't drink it without permission and now that I quit, I will never ask for it and won't get it so there is no issues with it. I don't even have any urges or craves when its in there. Keep up the great work and take it One Day At A Time.

[briseus]

Well...My Journey Begins.

Hey Mamabear! How have you been doing?

Rags; for drink o clock I am going to try and keep as busy as possible! Today the boyfriend and I went out for dinner. I also have a tun of books I could read. Journal. Post on here. Go for a walk. Box. Try new recipes. I am also thinking of remodeling my old watering hole (my living room).
Do u have anymore tips?

Nichau; yes. All too familiar! I totally hear you on all of that! That is why I am going to journal and force myself to remember all those negatives. Maybe even write it on a little piece of paper and put it in my wallet to carry around and look at if I ever am tempted to go out and buy any booze.

DriftyAlison - thank you for such encouraging words and congrats on your sobriety - that is amazing and so inspiring!
I have tried a few times to quit in the past and to no avail - I went back to drinking. But I really just want to be free from this addiction once and for all.
I am in control of myself and my destiny so I have to have control over this poisonous crap.
How did you overcome cravings in the beginning?
Did you drink lots and for a long period of time? It sounds like me, you didn't drink as much as lots of others.
I hope you are well and having a wonderful sober day. Onto day 2 for me in a couple hours! )

[KateH1]

Well...My Journey Begins.

Hi briseus,
Congratulations on making your comittment to nip this thing NOW! Alison should be a great comrade for you as she is quite young and yet, she decided that Alcohol is a problem that she want out of her life now!
Trust me, you will save yourself so much heartache and pain by doing this Now!

Check out the "Toolbox Thread" in the Monthly Abs section. It is very helpful!

The best quick advice that I can share is to, Make Your Commitment, Make Your Plan and Stick To It!

You can do this, many of us here have years of sobriety and we all started with Day 1 and a Strong, No Excuses Commitment! Stick close to those that have achieved Success!

Best Wishes to YOUR Success!
Kate

[Rags]

Well...My Journey Begins.

briseus;1324469 wrote: Hey Mamabear! How have you been doing?

Rags; for drink o clock I am going to try and keep as busy as possible! Today the boyfriend and I went out for dinner. I also have a tun of books I could read. Journal. Post on here. Go for a walk. Box. Try new recipes. I am also thinking of remodeling my old watering hole (my living room).
Do u have anymore tips?

I hope you are well and having a wonderful sober day. Onto day 2 for me in a couple hours! )

Looks like you are organised

Kate has just suggested Toolbox, which was what I was going to suggest. Here's the link.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html


Be firm but kind to yourself.
I used to make little rules for myself at first.... such as I will not log on to MWO if I am drinking etc etc. Then I realised that those tactics were keeping it constantly in the foreground. So I eased up and like RJ says in her book, started to think about drinking with as much interest as I think about butter. By not attaching importance to it, by not telling myself it was a battle I made it easier for myself.

[mama bear]

Well...My Journey Begins.

I try to remember my last hangover and the horrible things I have done while drunk.
I also have quit romancing the bottle and tell myself it is poison. Or like drinking vomit....eeeewwwww

[DriftyAlison0]

Well...My Journey Begins.

I drank myself stupid 1 a week and every other week or so when modding (yeah I called that modding) and in the beginning I just made sure that I had no AL of mine in the house. I have no problems with other people's AL in the house, but if its mine it will be drank daily (thats why I mainly went out to drink because when I had it at home and didn't finish it in one night, I rarely was able to not drink it the next day). And I hanged around here when I craved and still do. I still crave, but they are so far apart and so weak. I have tried so many times to quit before this one stuck so don't feel bad for failing before. Just learn from them and use them in this quit to stay quit.

[K9Lover]

Well...My Journey Begins.

Hi Bri!

I am so proud of you for jumping into this. No, it's not easy, but SO worth it. You are awesome for pouring out the last of that wine. Boy, do I know that wasn't easy! There will ALWAYS be an excuse to quit "later"...so I'm glad you've decided to just do it now!

Keep us posted on how you are feeling...the first few days will be the hardest. I think remodeling (even rearranging) your watering hole is a good idea...I did that too. Something as simple as moving a lamp or two gave the room a whole new "look". Trick the beast anyway that you can (he's not very smart, it's not hard to do. lol)

Keep up your good work...I'm proud of you!!!

K9

[briseus]

Well...My Journey Begins.

Hello All!
Thank you so much for taking the time to post to meeee! :l

I know I have to be gentle with myself. In the past when I "relapsed" I would be hard on myself, think of myself as a "failure" or "lost cause"...when that isn't the cause. To be honest, I am not sure if I should even consider my past attempts and "fails" at sobriety a "relapse" as I never had a plan before to quit. I just thought to moderate. It happened for a good month but went back to not being the case. I keep wondering if it is possible for me to moderate in the future...I mean, maybe I need to grow out of this? Is that even possible?
I still can't imagine abstaining forever...but then again, I need to think of right NOW...not the future. I am still learning! Even after a year!
I also need to stop romancing the bottle...its' crap. It's bad! Bleh. I can't go back to it.

Thank you K9! :h
I am trying. It's day 2 today and the thought of booze is just in the background right now. Yesterday was a little trickier but as long as I have the support of my boyfriend then I am good...it's just that sometimes on the weekends I will ask HIM instead of MYSELF if it is okay to have a drink. He doesn't think I have a "problem" so he tells me to do what I want - that it is my decision...my life. He is right...but my resolve then can break and I go back to the wine on the weekends.
I am really going to try to beat the beast this weekend.

It's so funny how it is trying to convince me to have a drink this coming Saturday as his family is taking me out for a belated birthday dinner...and then afterwards we will be enjoying our new backyard deck that we worked hard on...and of course that trickster in my head is saying that a few glasses would be perfect.
To be honest, could I moderate? Yes...I can wait until the last minute to have a drink. Buy 1 bottle instead of two...but...at the end of the day, I just want to get "drunk"...
I don't know. Still lots to think of...lots to work towards...right now I am content with it being day 2 and going onto day 3.
I am a bit tired today and just bored and lonely (boyfriend is at work). So that can be tricky too!
I am going to try and occupy the rest of my afternoon with something. It is always easier when the bf is around though. Would that make me co-dependant?

Thank for listening everyone!

Hope everyone is having a gorgeous sober day.

Bri

[K9Lover]

Well...My Journey Begins.

Hi Bri!

Don't think about forever...I can't do that either. I just know that TODAY I'm not going to drink. Tomorrow, we'll see.

I'm sure the evenings are the hardest for you (they were for me), so do you have anything planned for tonight? I think your BF should treat you to another nice dinner and then give you a massage.

Just stay positive, you'll get through this!

K9

[briseus]

Well...My Journey Begins.

Hey K9,

Ugh. I am having a tricky moment right now. I asked the boyfriend to get wine but he said no (which is good!) but the cravings are just strong right now.
No plans for the night and I just got my bf a sub for dinner since I didn't want to cook (again) maybe I will just sit outside and read or something.

It's only day 2!!!
I'm already craving and "planning" my next drink.

Gahhh!!

[No More Beer]

Well...My Journey Begins.

Briseus,

Just think... 1 drink will end up drinking the entire bottle and then tomorrow you will feel that awful shame. I'm also AF for 2 days now, and it is tough!

Keep strong.