Found Vodka in daughter's room

[southernbelle47]

Found Vodka in daughter's room

Like Kate, I've been watching and reading and praying that the words written here would come a full circle....and they have...
I'm reading a book right now called "The Tenth Circle".
It is about a girl who is a young teenager and she spends the night with a friend whose parents aren't home. Her boyfriend has broken up with her and she wants him back. Well, they are all drinking and stuff and it comes time to go home and her x boyfriend asks to take her home. She says.."I don't have to go home"...so they fall asleep on the living room floor. She wakes up to find him kissing her and she is thrilled and kisses him back.... she wakes up enough to realize that he wants more than she is willing to give at this time and tries to put on the breaks...He forces himself on her (rape) and now she and her parents are dealing with all that goes with being raped.
I haven't finished the book yet but what strikes me here is...

Her parents didn't have a clue and her mom was not "at home"...

I'm so glad that you are "at home" and listening and watching your child!

THAT is our job as parents.
Not to be their "friend"...but to love,parent, protect and educate..
And then when the time comes and it will....launch them into their own life with the skills to do the same for our grandchildren.

Bless you all as we strive to do this.
:h NAncy

[tumadre]

Found Vodka in daughter's room

Thank you all, so much, for your caring words. :l It went SO wonderfully calm and good.
I put the bottles into a sack, so they wouldn't be the first thing she saw. I just said I wanted to talk to her, she asked if it was serious, and I said "I don't know, but that's what we need to talk about".
She wasn't defensive or angry as I explained how I found them. I apologized for opening her drawer without thinking. The first thing she said when I told her that I was scared and worried was that she wasn't drinking alone. She didn't go into her room and drink, or do it when not here. We talked a bit about binge drinking, genetics, her sister's rape, and missing her sister, and using alcohol to cover up emotional pain.
The short story is that she had been experimenting, usually with her sister, and told me who had bought the alcohol for her-two different guy friends of her sister's-I know both of them pretty well, which I think will make for an even more uncomfortable talk-uncomfortable for THEM, not me. I told her that I would be speaking to both of them about buying for BOTH of my underage daughters. That way, (I told her), it wouldn't be as easy for her to get some, and it was my job to made it as difficult as possible. She understood. She was incredible-fully honest about when & where, and we talked about each situation and what could have happened. I also made her aware of how it would have been very awkward (to say the least) if I had gotten a call from the mom when she took it to a girlfriend's birthday party, and she would have been responsible for putting me in that position.
I made her pour them out. She was very mature about the whole thing, and YES, FAN, we hugged & hugged.
I truly feel that there is no way I could have handled this as well as I did without all of your support and advice.
Love to you all (and your children) :groupluv:
Tumadre :h

[Guest]

Found Vodka in daughter's room

Tumadre, Bravo!
Many Smiles
Mary

[lushy]

Found Vodka in daughter's room

That is just awesome. Good for you for coming on here and diffusing your feelings and getting good advice from others on here; things that are hard to think of when you are so upset.

[Accountable for Me]

Found Vodka in daughter's room

I cannot express how much I admire you as a mother.

I am so happy for you Tumadre.

[MKR]

Found Vodka in daughter's room

You are a wonderful Mom Tumadre! Kudos on how well the communication went between you two. THAT"S the GOOD STUFF the world is made of!

Hugs and Love,
Mary

[hidden_gem]

Found Vodka in daughter's room

I got shivers when I read how it all turned out.

THAT is the way things are supposed to be!

Well done. You're amazing, and so is your daughter.

Gem x

[YoungAtHeart]

Found Vodka in daughter's room

I'm completely awed, Tumadre. Kudos!

[narilly]

Found Vodka in daughter's room

Yay!! That brought tears to my eyes!! I am so happy it turned out that way. Way to go! You are a great Momma Tumadre, bless you and your family. AND everyone else who posted on this thread.

[Olly]

Found Vodka in daughter's room

Tumadre,
What a wonderful post. I've followed it but didn't have any advice to add, so kept quiet. My daughter is only 9... I have all the wonderful teenage years ahead of me. Just wanted to thank you for sharing all of that... I feel like I was gifted with such a great parenting lesson!! All the best to you and your family.
Olly