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    #1

    Some advice please.

    Well, here I am back again. It doesn?t seem that long ago that I found invaluable help and support on this forum and for the most part, I?m doing really well. I managed to get that monkey off my back??.or so I thought. It turns out that he still seems to have me by the ankle and kicking him repeatedly in the face with the other foot doesn?t seem to work. I?ll dispense with the euphemisms now.

    I?ve come to a place in my life where MOST of the time, I am indifferent to alcohol. I meet my commitments, I?m the designated drivers at social events and best of all, I have achieved amazing thing?s because I am clear headed and feeling great. I am finally reaching my goals and potential. There?s just one more spanner in the works (sorry that?s another euphemism) and I need some advice to help me with a strategy.

    I cannot seem to completely break the connection of alcohol as a reward. I don?t just mean reward for everyday things though. Since getting sober, the world has opened up to me and I have found many enjoyable and fulfilling ways to enrich my life. BUT, it?s the big things like when I?ve put a lot of work into something, that I have a drink. For example, end of term when I?ve completed my final exams or even less frequently, a major spring clean of the house etc. Obviously, these things happen months apart or even bi yearly but it irks me that the habit is still there lurking. I don?t think I?d even mind so much if it wasn?t also the only time I smoke. Yuk. Can you imagine the hangover!

    So there in lies my question of how to disassociate myself from this last vestige of learned behaviour and response. I should add that in all honesty, nothing has ever really been as much fun or relaxing as ?the buzz?. In all the time I?ve had the benefit of a clear mind and in all the ways I?ve enjoyed this amazing freedom, I still can?t replace or achieve the enjoyment that alcohol ( albeit it fleetingly) gives me. It?s not fulfilling in any way and just plain doesn?t make sense. I?d really like to change this but how?.

    thanks: for reading
    Don't tell me it can't be done until I'm finished doing it.
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    #2
    Some advice please.

    Shanny, I totally get what you are talking about; as you achieve goals, be it at work, home, doing something new, our ingrained way of thinking is to reward ourselves with a 'nice' drink afterwards. I feel that too.
    But, although you say nothing has matched that high you feel when you have a drink, I think we have to look at the bigger picture......
    That 'great feeling' we get when alcohol as the reward is only fleeting - maybe comfortable for about an hour or two; after that it is 'escapism'. When I was in the cycle of daily drinking I have to say that 'escapism' was what I wanted. My life had become something I was not proud of and to take myself away to a place where I didn't have to 'feel' was simply a relief.
    Yes, I understand that those initial couple of hours of drinking can be tempting and can be fun and relaxing, but take a look at your life in general since being AF; the high we only felt when drinking has now spread itself evenly over your life - well, this is what I feel has happened with me.
    I was miserable, paranoid, sad, guilty, ashamed, remorseful; although I did put up a front, I did live under a cloud of all these feelings; I have slowly noticed, with the more AF time I get, that all of this has lifted, I laugh easily, and louder, and heartily; only afterwards do I have the realisation that I can't remember doing that in a long time.
    Being fun to be with sober and finding a new confidence I didn't even know I had are welcome surprises. I can see how people look at me differently; I am liking it.
    When friends are drinking away and I am with them, joining in conversations and laughing at the same things, I am 'in the now' enough to know that I am feeling 'real joy' and theirs is short-lived with a punishment to follow. (possible forgetting, blackout, hangover etc).
    All these 'lovely new moments' in this new AF life, like getting up bright and early, thankful to be sober, achieving new things, discovering there is someone inside that you are just getting to know, and so much more; these are the 'getting high on life' that we have been missing for so long....I know I need to remind myself of this because 1 drink would steal if all away from me
    IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN
    Relapse starts long before the drink is drunk!!.Fresh Start!

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      #3
      Some advice please.

      daisy45, you must be reading my mind. haha, no doubt you've been where I am now. The concept of escapism pretty much sums it up. I willingly work myself into the ground and then want an escape from it. But still, it doesn't make sense. I know the consequences of drinking, yet I buy into it every time. Ironically, the pay off is that I know it'll be along time till it happens again and thats the justification.
      Also, I agree that finding a new confidence in social situations if very liberating. Not only do we get to be in the here and now while feet planted firmly on the ground, we get to drive home safely, or remember what we said and did. We get to take care of our friends, have no regrets etc etc, wake up bright and fresh, live meaningful lives. It's more than I could ever have hoped for.
      It's the quiet moments that perhaps I should look at those more closely. The times of deep satisfaction of a job well done. Why would I expose myself to possibly forgetting, blackout, hangover? I just don't understand this about myself.
      Don't tell me it can't be done until I'm finished doing it.

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        #4
        Some advice please.

        Shanny, yea, I think we are thinking the same....I do think about how it would be nice to have a drink but unlike some people, I don't think 'oh, I'll just have a couple of glasses'; if I were to break my AFness, I know for a fact I would go and buy 2 bottles of Chardonnay. Moderation doesn't even come into my thinking. Moderation for me would be not doing it every night. I think the reason I've been able to get this far 'this time' is 'acceptance' of my thinking. It is me who the problem lies with.....no point in taking 1 glass....I know it is unreasonable and goes against all that I want to achieve therefore 'I just don't go there'.....
        Have to say though, that when those thoughts do arise and I don't succumb, I am 'always' grateful the next morning.
        Just noticed you are in Melbourne. My daughter left here on Monday morning for Melbourne. She is away for 3 months. She's only 19 - soooo far away!!
        IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN
        Relapse starts long before the drink is drunk!!.Fresh Start!

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          #5
          Some advice please.

          Shanny, I feel your pain. I feel exactly the same way. It's true, nothing feels as good as that first warm "buzz" I get from AL. In all the time I've been sober, I've yet to find anything that comes close. However, if I'm to believe anyone who's ever done Meth, then there's absolutely NOTHING like that high. And I believe it. I would probably put my dogs on ebay to get more, and I LOVE my dogs. No, scratch that, I would put my bf up first.:H Logically, we know the downside of doing Meth, because we've all read the horror stories or seen them in the news. The same is true, to a lesser extent MAYBE, with AL. We have to think of what we are gaining, not what we are giving up.

          LG


          "I like people too much or not at all."           Sylvia Plath

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            #6
            Some advice please.

            You still have the Pavlov's dog syndrome. You still have the conditioned response to see alcohol as a reward. I would look into Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) to help resolve these issues and that conditioned response.

            I had it for years, 27 to be exact. The way I fixed it was by making myself feel sick evrytime I thought about drinking. I did it enough where I finally changed the conditioned response. I understand now that although I will never feel that euphoria from booze again, I willl also never feel the pain that follows. If you need advice please feel free to PM me.

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              #7
              Some advice please.

              LOVE the responses.

              I, too, have the Pavlov Dog response. Wake up every morning, think to myself that "I don't want to drink today", and a few hours later my 'response' is that I'm stressed out, or fearful, or whatever. And off I go to the store, only to wind up in the same emotional and physical condition I swear to myself on a daily basis that I abhor. Damn those dogs!
              "The Pessimist complains about the wind; the Optimist expects it to change; the Realist adjusts the sails."

              —William A. Ward

              Comment

                #8
                Some advice please.

                Society has taught us all that when we reach goals and stuff that we should be rewarded with a drink. When the thought comes, change the drink from AL to a NON AL drink. For example, for completing my finals instead of getting wasted, I enjoyed having some AF drinks and in the morning after, I was able to do what I needed to do. I just replaced the AL reward with a AF reward.
                I quit drinking on March 8, 2020. Taking it One Day At A Time and no more taking my quit for granted.

                Also doing it for me. I got to stay sober for me.

                Just consecrate on today and do what you can to remain sober for today and worry about staying sober tomorrow, tomorrow.

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