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**LibraryGirl** · June 1, 2012, 10:15 AM

So...the weekend is almost here...

I can't think of anything else to say Bri. If you want to mod, there is support in the moderating section. :l

**briseus** · June 1, 2012, 11:01 AM

So...the weekend is almost here...

I guess it's the addictive voice that I am struggling with. It can be so back and forth.
And so annoying too!!

**K9Lover** · June 1, 2012, 11:29 AM

So...the weekend is almost here...

Hi Bri!

I missed whatever happened yesterday (out sick with a bad cold!). All I know is that I cannot moderate...so I have no advice for that. I do understand what you're going through. It's scary at first thinking "never again". But I think you will find that over time, all these events will still be fun for you sans alcohol. Yes, it's an adjustment at first, but so is most of life! I'm just saying I want what's best for you. Whatever you decide, keep us posted so we know how you are!!

K9

**LibraryGirl** · June 1, 2012, 11:51 AM

So...the weekend is almost here...

This is what you said on your first day.:l

Hi there,

My name is Briseus and I am 25 going onto 26 and have been drinking for the past 3-4 years...I have been drinking heavily the past year or so...sometimes even in the mornings.
I have tried quitting in the past and had no issues with DTs or any of the sort...even 24 hours of sobriety I am fine. I don't shake or vomit, I just have some anxiety...
I have been reading a lot about people's withdrawals and I think I am thinking WAY too much about it and that is why I am afraid to quit cold turkey again.
Anyways, I did drink about 1.5 to 2 litres a night (sometimes even 2 litres in a day into the night, although not often) of white wine at 12.5%.
I did go and see my Doc yesterday to ask him how I can quit...he did suggest I taper off...first start off minimizing it by a litre each day...
I really don't want to prolong the drinking much longer but I am going to do what is suggested...and in a way, I don't mind, even though I do want to quit (A LOT) because it keeps the anxiety at bay.
I would like to know what you guys thought about tapering and if anyone has succeeded by doing so?
I have been on other forums where it is frowned upon and really, instead of support people tell me that it isn't going to work and that I should just quit cold turkey (even though my doc and addictions counsellor told me to just cut down if I can).

I was just looking for some success stories, wanted to say hi and give you my story.
I really am done with drinking...I am losing self-respect...I gained 50lbs...it is putting a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend and I have disappointed my family.

B

**Supercrew** · June 1, 2012, 12:37 PM

So...the weekend is almost here...

Hi Bris,

You are where I was for many years..."why can't I just moderate, because I still really want to drink even though I regret it most of the time".

You're young and I understand where you are coming from. I hate to say it but even though I knew I had a problem, there was no way in hell that I was going to stop drinking at that time in my life. Looking back I wished that I was more mature and could have quit then, but I believed my only option was to try and moderate, which never worked for any extended period of time. I truly regret the years that I lost because I had a false belief that I needed alcohol in my life for my life to be worthwhile.

If you want to drink, either consciously or subconsciously on any level you will drink. But the more you give into that urge the more you will hardwire your brain to believe you need it, and the harder it will be for you to quit down the road. I know...because it happened to me.

**LibraryGirl** · June 1, 2012, 04:06 PM

So...the weekend is almost here...

I remember asking my ex husband, years ago when I was in my 20s, why do you drink every day?! And he said, why do you drink every other day?! LOL I NEVER considered quitting AL until I started drinking every night non-stop for over 10 years and saw the horrible results: 50-60 lbs overweight, puffy ugly face, tiredness I could not get over (until the next few drinks that night when the "energy" came back in full), and bloody awful hangovers!!! It took me a very long time to make a decision to quit, so in all honesty I can't say a thing about your decision Bri.

LG

**FlyAway** · June 1, 2012, 05:07 PM

So...the weekend is almost here...

Supercrew;1326975 wrote: Hi Bris,

You are where I was for many years..."why can't I just moderate, because I still really want to drink even though I regret it most of the time".

You're young and I understand where you are coming from. I hate to say it but even though I knew I had a problem, there was no way in hell that I was going to stop drinking at that time in my life. Looking back I wished that I was more mature and could have quit then, but I believed my only option was to try and moderate, which never worked for any extended period of time. I truly regret the years that I lost because I had a false belief that I needed alcohol in my life for my life to be worthwhile.

If you want to drink, either consciously or subconsciously on any level you will drink. But the more you give into that urge the more you will hardwire your brain to believe you need it, and the harder it will be for you to quit down the road. I know...because it happened to me.

Word for word true. I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol either and therefore I failed each time I've previously tried to quit. This time alcohol is out of my life and it's amazing the freedom that you feel when you really wrap your mind around it. Alcohol is not an option. Ever. I don't miss it and I'll never want it again.

Bri you are still trying to find ways to fit alcohol into your life instead of wanting to live your life without it. If you aren't there then you aren't there and there's no magic wand. There's nothing that someone is going to say to change things for you. I wish you the best.

**DriftyAlison0** · June 1, 2012, 07:58 PM

So...the weekend is almost here...

If your going to attempt a moderation first do the 30 days af. If you can't do the 30 days, there is little to no way that you can mod. Sure there will always be those times, but when will enough be enough? Sure you can drink this weekend and quit Monday, but what about next weekend? You will never be better, you will never fully be happy with yourself if you continue to drink. What you need to do is to adjust to not drinking no matter what. So what if its a bridal shower, you could be the dd. Events will come and go, but if you feel that you need to quit drinking, then you will have to learn how to do them sober. You can do it. The weekends are a little tougher for me to. But the longer I remain sober, the easier it will get and now these days although the weekends are still tough, not nearly as tough as last year.

**drinkingal** · June 2, 2012, 08:40 AM

So...the weekend is almost here...

I'm going to post here what I posted on the other thread about this because I think it needs to be said.

I think it's a case of different strokes for different folks. People use all different approaches here at the boards, some people go to rehab, some quit cold turkey using sheer willpower, some use moderation/harm reduction, some use meds, whatever works for each person is the best way. I've tried abstinence many times and it didn't work for me, in fact it started to have even more of a negative impact on how I felt about myself and my drinking. That doesn't mean abstinence doesn't work, it just didn't work for me but based on that I wouldn't try to talk others out of trying it, just as modding will work for some but not for others and maybe different approaches work better for different personality types.

drifty alison, I really disagree with what you said about if you can't do 30 days then you can't mod. Yep, I know that's the party line according to the book, but I actually think if someone can abstain for 30 days then they have good reason to believe they can abstain, however if they can't achieve that then I think modding/harm reduction is perhaps a better alternative rather than continuing on with the status quo.

I think all approaches should be equally respected and embraced at these forums, there are always people bagging modding based on "I tried it and it doesn't work" but if that were the criteria, then all we need to do is look at the low success rate of long term abstinence in general to see that realistically, one method can not be held up as the best approach when the failure rate is so high. We are all here with the same purpose but sometimes it doesn't feel like all approaches are welcome by some people which I think is a shame

**LibraryGirl** · June 2, 2012, 08:57 AM

So...the weekend is almost here...

I guess we all get a little gung-ho about the approach that worked for us, drinkinggal. None of us would have come to My Way Out if we weren't at our wit's end, IMHO. I'll even venture a guess that everyone here has tried moderating on their own, before they came here. But, as you so eloquently said, whatever way your choose, it's your choice.

I offer my own analogy to our collective problem on this site: When we came here we were all grossly "obese" and told we would die if we didn't have major surgery or lost a major amount of weight. But unlike in the "real" world, we had a choice, we could stop eating (it's not needed to live, in this "real" world, it's just for pleasure) completely and never have to wonder if we could control our next meal. If it would trigger a binge, or that we would no matter how hard we tried still not be able to lose weight. We could just give it up. To many that seemed like the biggest relief and the best possible way ever. To others, eating was just too pleasurable, too fun, and no matter the dangers they were determined to keep it a part of their life, so they said I won't be the one to let it continue to be a problem. I'll be the opposite of the statistics.

So, yes it's a choice. IMO, modding must be infinitely more difficult. I wish I could do it.

LG

**drinkingal** · June 2, 2012, 09:26 AM

So...the weekend is almost here...

Thanks librarygirl, I was concerned my post would be taken the wrong way so I was glad to read your reply. I've been modding for over a year now and there are more similarities IMO with total abstinence than differences. I really think the main difference is more about the intensity. With modding/harm reduction the intensity of dealing with the alcohol reduction is more controlled and really at a pace some people will cope with better. There is no reason why modding/harm reduction can't also be used to work towards abstinence if that is what someone wants. I absolutely think if abstinence is what someone wants and can achieve then that is where there focus should be, but unfortunately total abstinence isn't achievable for the majority of people who attempt it, so if they are talked out of other options then they continue on the same path and make no progress at all. That is what modding is about, reducing harm to your health, your relationships and your life even if abstinence isn't a realistic or achievable goal.

It just gets a bit tiresome to see modding get a rough response repeatedly here by some people because I personally believe it can be very useful to a lot of people and I know how much it has helped me personally so that I wasn't stuck in the same rut I was in over a year ago. It's certainly not a cop out and the modders here really work hard to accomplish their goals and take it very seriously. You're right, it's not easy, that isn't why we do it, it's just a more manageable and achievable approach for some of us so I wish it was better understood here.

**LibraryGirl** · June 2, 2012, 09:36 AM

So...the weekend is almost here...

I admit that it's difficult for me to understand. Successful moderating people that I know just enjoy the taste of AL and never get drunk. I don't like the taste enough to want it just for that. I know that if I attempted modding, it would be a cloak of my true intentions: to be able to get drunk sometimes. To me, a glass every now and then would make me mad, lol. I'd rather not get that first, second or even third glass unless it was really strong and could give me that buzz I wanted in those few amounts. I HAVE had a moderate amount of AL since I quit, and wasn't really tempted to continue. I don't know why. I do know that I still think longingly of the "buzz" sometimes, and given the ample opportunity I would seek it again, inevitably.

LG

**drinkingal** · June 2, 2012, 10:09 AM

So...the weekend is almost here...

Thanks mollyka, I don't think it's so much about drinking vs not drinking it's just more to with approaching it at a different pace. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does change your expectations and experiences with al.

Hi LG, my experience with modding has been a sort of gradual desensitization to it? I used to be absolutely in love with al, now I don't even remember what it's like to get plastered and lose control, I've learned to drink without seeking that as the goal, and honestly I don't even know why I don't need that from al anymore or why I needed it in the first place. I'm not the only modder who has described this either. I've also tapered my drinking enough so that my al tolerance has significantly dropped so I just don't need to drink the large amounts I used to, just thinking about that is kinda scary

My relationship with al has really changed over time for the better, I guess you could say it's gone from being a love affair to being frequent acquaintances. For someone like me who was seriously in love with al this is all real progress that has taken commitment to modding to achieve, it just doesn't happen overnight and is a very gradual thing. Modding/harm reduction to me is all about long lasting progress in any shape or form and not so much about "oh I'll just have a few at the weekend" which is what a lot of people think when they talk about modding (although that is what some modders drink)

**Supercrew** · June 2, 2012, 11:27 AM

So...the weekend is almost here...

I think it's all in the perception. My brother considers himself a moderate drinker, he has no DUI's, and doesn't perceive he has a problem with alcohol, yet he will drink once or twice a week normally 12-24 beers or 8-12 strong mixed drinks.

Moderate drinking in the eyes of the health community is no more than 1-2 drinks a day.

If moderating was an option for me, I wouldn't be hanging around an alcohol addiction website. Some people here obviously have different ideas as to what "addiction" is. If you can successfully moderate your drinking and lead a happy productive life then you are probably not and have probably never been addicted to alcohol. That doesn't mean that you don't belong here, but you probably don't have the same problem 99% of the people of this forum have. I have 20+ years of personal experience, along with a grip of personal research that I have done and read that shows 2 things. 1. Alcoholics can not moderate, and 2. a majority of alcoholics who quit drinking quit on their own through abstinence....not AA, not MWO, not through drugs like Bac, they quit because they decide they no longer can drink and be happy.

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