Tee-totalers are boring losers!

[dixon]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

LibraryGirl;1328537 wrote: Thanks Rusty. As for Elizabeth Hasselbeck, I'm not a fan, lol. She does look good, however I wouldn't trade with her for love or money.

I'm not THAT newly sober guys. I have learned to enjoy myself for the most part, and I do remember quite well the hangovers and all the stupid shit that came along with drunkenness. But, you can even look no further than this board to see people who still haven't given up AL (and don't plan to) because they see some positive aspect to it. Frankly, I don't want to go back (to AL), and I guess I just have to face the fact that the things I enjoyed while drinking are not things I would naturally enjoy. We'll see as time goes by.

Hi LG,
I have noted the highlighted line to remember myself.Of course , we feel comfortable with drink seeing most of the people here are like with us .Some of them are relapsed 10 of times and we feel that we are just for a couple of times.So sometimes it give s false sense of humour.This must be chanted all the times.AL is a poison for me at all. satrted to count down my AF days for the first time and achieved 24 days now.Committing not to relapse at all.......thinking of another try ! OK
Thanks,
Dixon

[Supercrew]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

This was the hurdle that kept me drinking for at least an additional 10 years. How can I have fun without alcohol? I planned every outing, ballgame, vacation, beachtrip, holiday, pool party, office party, weekend etc. around the idea that drinking was the best part. I looked more forward to drinking than any of the functions, get togethers, parties or people that were attending. I truly had to revamp my life and change this mindset that equated alcohol with fun. It took 3 months, then a 6 week mod to relapse and a trip to the ER for me to see that drinking didn't equal fun at all. Now I surf, golf, go to games, pool parties, vacations, cruises without drinking and I enjoy the time more now than I ever did.

What changed? I finally matured. See I was stuck with the maturity of a 17 year old for 20+ years. Alcohol was something that made me think like a dumb kid, it let me do stuff that I wouldn't normally do and say stuff that I wouldn't normally say, it was my fountain of youth for my maturity. The only problem was it doesn't stop your body or your health from aging, it just made me think and act like a dumb kid. Well once I finally quit drinking I learned to appreciate other peoples company, and really appreciate time off and ball games and all the really fun things in life. It also allowed me to get back in shape and really find out that great health is the true fountain of youth and feeling great getting up at dawn to see the sunrise or enjoying a day with my son at the beach or the ball game were more fun and rewarding that anytime I ever got drunk. We make our drunken memeories out to be much better than they ever really were, so we will romantacise our drunken pasts, but the reality, at least for me, is situations are what you make them. If you focus on having fun you can have alot more fun without alcohol and remember and appreciate that time more as well. Fun is in the eye of the person having it. If you think you are missing out on fun because you are sober nothing is going to change that perception until you change that belief. For me I considered it a lack of mental maturity and a yearning for my youth. The reality is I now look and act and feel youger than I have in 15 years, and I don't ever feel like and old pile of crap because I drank too much the day before...that's what I consider real fun!

[LillyE]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

Oooh Library Girl, I COMPLETELY relate to this and it's one I am really working on. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's probably my biggest hurdle. I have for so long related fun to drinking that I really struggle with feeling like I'm being a big boring nancy pants not drinking. (Not helped by the fact I can feel some friends feel this about me when I'm not drinking, which I get as, like you, I for so long kind of mentally wrote off people who didn't drink as boring and not people I'd have much in common with.)

I think OneTooMany had some great words of advice. I've been trying to retrain my brain along those lines - replacing 'alcohol good' with 'alcohol bad' for a start. And that trick we've talked about in Newbies... of fast-forwarding in your head from the glamorous cocktail to the bingeing, hangover, depression etc etc is also helping.

Have you read Kick the Drink by Jason Vale? I just started this and he has some useful things to say on this regard.

Also, I mentioned this on Newbies but it struck me on my holiday that the LEAST FUN times I had away were the result of drinking! When i felt hungover and crap and missed out on fun things because of it. And yet it still seemed like not drinking at all on holiday would be too 'boring'.

I'd love to hear your ongoing thoughts on this one as it's something I really want to overcome too.

L x

[LillyE]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

Also, beautiful post there Supercrew! Thank you.

I will also say that during my brief stints sober I've actually felt like I laugh more - and enjoy some things more - than I do while I'm drinking. Though I still wrestle with feeling 'boring' when I want to go home much earlier from social events because it's got to the point of the night where people are pissed and repeating themselves. Obviously it's really they who are being boring, no. But I completely relate to where you're coming from with this. I hope it's one we can both overcome in time.

[veritas]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

Lovely replies.

I've been pretty much in the same boat. I am by nature shy, so I was also drinking to be sociable. Not drinking has done 2 major things for my enjoyment.

Firsly, I chose my functions and friends. Fellow drunks stop being funny after a certain hour. Now I just leave early if I am getting bored.

Secondly, I make my own fun. I find interesting people, I look for interesting books. I am having to challenge my day much more consciously. I can no longer live on auto pilot. My enjoyments are however increasing by the day.

[mama bear]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

I can no longer live on auto pilot......I LOVE that
great thread....

[FreeFly]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

Went to my first party sober yesterday. I didn't have a single craving and certainly didn't feel I was missing out. It was a friend of a friend's party so I didn't know many people. I felt a bit bored to be honest and I realised that it wasn't because I wasn't drinking, I would have been bored with booze but felt crap afterwards too. Driving my friends back we had the same conversation twice on a 5 mile journey and I was told how great I am LOTS! What I'm saying is the clarity moment was realising alcohol does not make a situation any better.

Supercrew - I got a lot out of your post. Thank you.

[Almostfamous]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

Supercrew- I LOVE your post!

I've been working on a new mindset too. I think it's a process.
Lately, I'm feeling like a better version of my former self. I think alcohol sucked my confidence as well as so much more from me. Waking up wondering what I did or said was not "fun" anymore. I've been to Vegas, sat poolside, had company visit and am in the midst of moving across country all while sober. I'll actually remember these memories. I like to say that my glass is half full and it's not with alcohol!

[FlyAway]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

FreeFly;1328844 wrote: Went to my first party sober yesterday. I didn't have a single craving and certainly didn't feel I was missing out. It was a friend of a friend's party so I didn't know many people. I felt a bit bored to be honest and I realised that it wasn't because I wasn't drinking, I would have been bored with booze but felt crap afterwards too. Driving my friends back we had the same conversation twice on a 5 mile journey and I was told how great I am LOTS! What I'm saying is the clarity moment was realising alcohol does not make a situation any better.

Supercrew - I got a lot out of your post. Thank you.

Yay FF! It's amazing how boring drunk people can be! Watching it all through sober eyes is an eye-opener. I can't stand to talk to my husband now when he's been drinking. Slobbering lovey nonsense that I know he won't remember the next day.

[Almostfamous]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

FlyAway;1328851 wrote: Yay FF! It's amazing how boring drunk people can be! Watching it all through sober eyes is an eye-opener. I can't stand to talk to my husband now when he's been drinking. Slobbering lovey nonsense that I know he won't remember the next day.

So true! Let's not forget repeating things 19 times too. :H

[FlyAway]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

Supercrew I've been reflecting on what you said about maturity and it makes me think of the first few times I ever drank. Like everyone else, I'd heard the message my entire life that drinking was adult, that once I got old enough I'd be able to drink (making me an adult in my mind, right?). So what do kids do? Sneak booze. Find people to buy us booze. Then we thought we were so cool because we were drinking. The "forbidden fruit". Going out and having fun became about getting booze and drinking and in typical childish fashion, seeing who could "handle" their booze and drink the most. So you get in that mindset and then when you're legal, it's even better because you still have that mindset but now you can buy as much as you want!

And now that I'm in my late 40's I realize that the mindset never really changed. We'd make up events so that we could drink with friends. Barbecues, dinner parties, game nights were really just advanced versions of what I did as a teenager--get booze and meet up with friends. It was not really about the party, it was about the booze. The idea of having a party without booze would be unthinkable! The booze was really more important than the reason for the party.

[FreeFly]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

FlyAway;1328851 wrote: Yay FF! It's amazing how boring drunk people can be! Watching it all through sober eyes is an eye-opener. I can't stand to talk to my husband now when he's been drinking. Slobbering lovey nonsense that I know he won't remember the next day.

Yeah drunk people are really very boring and yes, that includes the drunk me. Phew, glad I don't have to be that anymore, or hang out with boring drunk people either Sobbering lovey nonsense :H Eew!

[FlyAway]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

FreeFly;1328866 wrote: Yeah drunk people are really very boring and yes, that includes the drunk me. Phew, glad I don't have to be that anymore, or hang out with boring drunk people either Sobbering lovey nonsense :H Eew!

Eww is right. Lovey nonsense is fine if I know he means it! :H But drunken whiskey stale breath in my face lovey is out! :H

[FreeFly]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

FlyAway;1328865 wrote: Supercrew I've been reflecting on what you said about maturity and it makes me think of the first few times I ever drank. Like everyone else, I'd heard the message my entire life that drinking was adult, that once I got old enough I'd be able to drink (making me an adult in my mind, right?). So what do kids do? Sneak booze. Find people to buy us booze. Then we thought we were so cool because we were drinking. The "forbidden fruit". Going out and having fun became about getting booze and drinking and in typical childish fashion, seeing who could "handle" their booze and drink the most. So you get in that mindset and then when you're legal, it's even better because you still have that mindset but now you can buy as much as you want!

And now that I'm in my late 40's I realize that the mindset never really changed. We'd make up events so that we could drink with friends. Barbecues, dinner parties, game nights were really just advanced versions of what I did as a teenager--get booze and meet up with friends. It was not really about the party, it was about the booze. The idea of having a party without booze would be unthinkable! The booze was really more important than the reason for the party.

Flyaway, one thing I did watch with sadness at the party yesterday was a father telling his 12 year old son and friends that they could have "just one" bear. The two women with him were not too happy about it and asked if they could "just share one".

[FreeFly]

Tee-totalers are boring losers!

That'll be a beer then and not a bear :H