One Step at a Time - June 2012
It's hard when you're not in it 100%. That's what everyone told me and that's what scares me. I sometimes feel it 100% but often don't. So I may be in your shoes soon. I really want to do this (at this moment) and hope you can jump back on the horse and join us in our abstinence. You came back and posted, that's step one!
MWOLady;1341831 wrote: Well after 4 whole days AF I was not able to be AF last night.
Funny thing was I actually "planned" it. Or at least, my alcoholic brain planned it. I started thinking about it in early afternoon and at 4pm I at least had the forethought to take a Naltrexone. By 5pm I had convinced myself that this plan was just fine - DH and I would get dinner ready each sipping on a nice glass of red - I picked out a movie and I was all set - why not relax - after all we can't get too crazy about this "not drinking" thing right? We gotta live in the real world after all. DH will have a glass or two whether I drink or not so why should I sit here like a deprived sour puss and not have one or two??????
You get the picture. The Naltrexone actually gave me a bit of a high-ish feeling which calmed me and made me feel that this was a good idea!!!
Even though I only had two small glasses of red I woke up in the night with a headache - of course this is what ALWAYS happens.
I guess what I'm facing is this: I really don't want to quit even though I know I have to for many very good reason, not the least is my mental and physical health.
I'm feeling that to quit forever is way too big a challenge for me but taking it one day at a time is so much harder than I thought - because it keeps "drinking" right in my face every damn day.
My DH will NOT stop drinking even for 30 days or even to help me, so I have bottles of wine in the kitchen staring at me, him pouring a glass at 5:30 and another with his dinner, and sometimes he'll have a scotch as his "dessert." I realize that this is HIS problem and my sobriety cannot hinge on what someone else does - but it sure makes it much harder.
And I've been drinking alcoholically on and off for my whole adult life - so you could say this is a bit of a HABIT!!!!
So this is my pity party. I could sure use some support!!!! Back on day one again. I plan to be AF today.
Funny thing was I actually "planned" it. Or at least, my alcoholic brain planned it. I started thinking about it in early afternoon and at 4pm I at least had the forethought to take a Naltrexone. By 5pm I had convinced myself that this plan was just fine - DH and I would get dinner ready each sipping on a nice glass of red - I picked out a movie and I was all set - why not relax - after all we can't get too crazy about this "not drinking" thing right? We gotta live in the real world after all. DH will have a glass or two whether I drink or not so why should I sit here like a deprived sour puss and not have one or two??????
You get the picture. The Naltrexone actually gave me a bit of a high-ish feeling which calmed me and made me feel that this was a good idea!!!
Even though I only had two small glasses of red I woke up in the night with a headache - of course this is what ALWAYS happens.
I guess what I'm facing is this: I really don't want to quit even though I know I have to for many very good reason, not the least is my mental and physical health.
I'm feeling that to quit forever is way too big a challenge for me but taking it one day at a time is so much harder than I thought - because it keeps "drinking" right in my face every damn day.
My DH will NOT stop drinking even for 30 days or even to help me, so I have bottles of wine in the kitchen staring at me, him pouring a glass at 5:30 and another with his dinner, and sometimes he'll have a scotch as his "dessert." I realize that this is HIS problem and my sobriety cannot hinge on what someone else does - but it sure makes it much harder.
And I've been drinking alcoholically on and off for my whole adult life - so you could say this is a bit of a HABIT!!!!
So this is my pity party. I could sure use some support!!!! Back on day one again. I plan to be AF today.
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