Somehow...

[briseus]

Somehow I have fallen into a depression.
I tried avoiding this to the best of my ability but it's now the third day in a row where I don't want to get out of bed or do anything. Of course yesterday I made myself get up and went for a walk...but today I am feeling really sad.
I know I drank last night and I regret it...and I was sitting there with my feelings and decided that I am going to get drunk all day today with beer - I don't even drink beer! So I sat a little while longer and decided not to...I will only feel like sh!t later and regret it even more.

I need more motivation...or maybe I need to be gentle with myself?
I am unemployed and am having difficulty's with finding a job. I am having difficulty's with just doing anything right now.
I am not going to drink today. Or tomorrow....
I am so sick of this. I got into an argument with my boyfriend last night and have been thinking to myself this morning...if I am thinking all these things about myself...how I feel useless...a loser...then what does he think of me?

I am teetering on the edge of losing him and have turned into a person that I seriously dislike. How can I bounce back?

[resrchqueen]

Somehow...

In think we have all been there bri! Do something kind for yourself today. You are not a loser. You do probably have depression due to drinking. I feel the same way today because I drank too much yesterday. The day before I had 1 glass of wine and felt great yesterday.

[briseus]

Somehow...

Thanks Resrchqueen.

I am really sad today. Feel useless...worthless...wondering why the boyfriend even wants to be with me. Why my family puts up with my shit. Why his Mom didn't kick me out of her house already. All these thoughts racing in my head. Not wanting to move from bed...beer calling out my name.

I just want to go home.

[resrchqueen]

Somehow...

I understand. Can you get some chamomile tea? Just relax and remember the beer will just prolong your sadness. Tomorrow will be better if you only let it Bri!

[Struggles 106]

Somehow...

HEY BRIS

Something I have learned--learn to treat yourself well. Low self esteem contributes of course to addictive behavior.
Don't let those negative voices in your head prevail! I still hear "YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED"
from my childhood but I block it out immediately. I have nothing to be ashamed of.
We are all just imperfect and fine as we are. No one is better or worse. Everyone has their issues, some more obvious thatn others but they are there.
I've learned to NOT compare myself with others; that gets you nowhere.

Stand tall, be proud and stay strong!

[briseus]

Somehow...

Thanks guys.

I will try and be more gentle with myself. Work on my self-confidence. Ignore that voice. The cravings have subsided. The beer is still there. I can't very well grab it and move it elsewhere so will ask the boyfriend to do so when he gets home (it's his beer, I can't dump it).

I just need to get through today. That's all. After today then I will be okay.

I won't drink. I won't drink. I won't drink.

For you guys, for my boyfriend and for myself.

[mama bear]

Somehow...

Bri -
have you considered going to a doctor???

[briseus]

Somehow...

Mama Bear - what do you mean a doctor? Like a therapist or what?

I have seen my doc and to be honest, he doesn't seem too concerned with me. He says that I just need to cut back on the drinking.

I have sat and thought about this a bit more and am feeling a lot better. I guess I felt so shitty earlier because I was hungover and trying to figure out the argument I had with the bf. I read a lot this morning, wrote and blogged a bit...I know now that I won't drink today.


I got I was just pissed because I know that booze can't be a part of my life like it used to be the last few years.
I was angry at myself for letting it get that far too.

[Struggles 106]

Somehow...

Hey Bris

You didn't "let" it get that far. It's physiology, it's chemical, it's not your FAULT.

Talk therapy can be VERY helpful, if you have insurance or $$ to see a good therapist. If you find one that you are comfortable with it can be great. They can make you see things that you have not considered before and lead you to insights you may not reach on your own.

Just a thought.

[briseus]

Somehow...

I have an appointment with an addictions counsellor but am trying to get in to see a therapist as well. That part is going to take some time though. Usually takes months before you are able to see one where I'm from.

I have decided to start journaling. I always said I would in the past and never did.

I finally got my butt out of bed. Had a shower and will watch a soccer game and tidy up. Will ignore that voice. 5pm is going to be tricky but I've done it before I can do it again.
I need to also write a list of things I am grateful for as I keep forgetting.

[mama bear]

Somehow...

Bri
I meant to see about possibly getting on anti depressants
it worriesd me that you can't get out of bed for days at a time...that is a classic sign of depression sweetie
(and hangovers!)
I am thinking of you

[Kradle123]

Somehow...

Hi Bri and welcome back Sweet one. Hug first. :l

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you are almost me roughly 25 years ago. Jobless, depressed, self loathing , unmotivated , bf trouble, family trouble and I am sorry to say it is almost ALL due to my continued drinking. You can go to talk therapy all day long ( I did) but unless you are clear of the chemical in your head you will never be able to see what he or she is trying to tell you. It is not physiologically possible. I'm sorry. I wish I had better news.

The addiction counselor sounds like a VERY good plan. They will call you on many of the distorted views and mindsets alcohol so generously gives. us :

I said it before to you; you are incredibly lucky to have at least some understanding that you have this problem. I was so fricken clueless for so long. And you have MWO.
You are in jackpot city though I know you don't see that because right now you probably see yourself in Deprivation City. That's okay.
But until your mindset switches over into ' I'm going to be okay when I don't have to have a drink anymore, you will stay locked in.
The way we finally switch over is different for all as is the time it takes. But I think we can all agree, the sooner the better.

We are here for you Bri but (and I hate to sound like a preachy old nag) but I swear as long as you are having these self battles with Al you will never be able to be there for yourself...or anyone else.
More hugs,
:l

[Supercrew]

Somehow...

briseus;1333580 wrote: Somehow I have fallen into a depression.
I tried avoiding this to the best of my ability but it's now the third day in a row where I don't want to get out of bed or do anything. Of course yesterday I made myself get up and went for a walk...but today I am feeling really sad.
I know I drank last night and I regret it...and I was sitting there with my feelings and decided that I am going to get drunk all day today with beer - I don't even drink beer! So I sat a little while longer and decided not to...I will only feel like sh!t later and regret it even more.

I need more motivation...or maybe I need to be gentle with myself?
I am unemployed and am having difficulty's with finding a job. I am having difficulty's with just doing anything right now.
I am not going to drink today. Or tomorrow....
I am so sick of this. I got into an argument with my boyfriend last night and have been thinking to myself this morning...if I am thinking all these things about myself...how I feel useless...a loser...then what does he think of me?

I am teetering on the edge of losing him and have turned into a person that I seriously dislike. How can I bounce back?

Decide you are going to bounce back and do it!

[mama bear]

Somehow...

Come on Bri -
do you really want to have any more hangovers?
Do you want to waste any more money on booze?
Do you want to lose those you love??
Do you want to continue to be anxiousm depressed and full of self hatred?
We will help you every step of the way
Chose happiness and a full life babe!