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FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

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    #1

    FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

    Good morning everyone:

    I know it's early but I was up early ( curse I think of waking up with no alcohol in your system) and been thinking about all the posts I have been reading the last several weeks. They are incredibly powerful, insightful. They could fill a library. And I saw that Some/many of them mention in some way or another the people they are trying to deal with while they aren't drinking.
    I started a thread called Out With The Old... Which NiceLife , Supercrew, Nora all sent wonderful posts but I thought I'd rename it and see if more people experience this frustrating side of getting Alcohol out of our lives. I don't think the threads name conveyed what I wanted it to be about- the relationship changes we are making.

    For me this is so central. Even my husband is someone I met and married while drinking. I can't even think about what's happening there... :wow:
    Anyway, I don't want to cut and paste what I already wrote (not that I know how )
    And maybe this is just something that most people dont really struggle with as they get AF time under there belt.

    For me, well, I have another message From my bestest friend in the entire world and I don't want to listen to it. It's just going to make me want to drink tonight.
    And I have. 24 days today- Yey!
    Anyway, thanks for listening (Again :blush I'll keep posting and reading and then listen to my listen..Boy oh boy
    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
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    #2
    FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

    oh crap Kradle....a message on email???
    You and I both have 24 days today...so if you drink, I will beat you to 30 days...is that any motivation???
    Plus - you are doing so well and Sedona, Madison and Matt ( and I) need you sweet friend
    I love my family more than alcohol.:h
    Live in the Solution....not the problem

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      #3
      FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

      Good post Kradle!

      The way I look at my interactions with others is first off I can only control myself and my actions. My goal is to be the happiest healthiest person I can be everyday.

      If someone who is currently in my life is toxic and I feel I can't deal with this person because they drain my happiness or try to affect my health, (trying to get me to drink or making me want to drink), I will cut them out as much as I can. I don't do this in a rude way, and most of the people I have done this to don't even realize it....like my parents and my brother. They just think that I am busy and we have grown apart a little bit.

      Now if this person is your spouse then I think you have to meet the issues head on and communicate with that person and let them know your goals and expectations. Hopefully they will support you. But if your goals and expectations require your spouse to change their routine in a significant way and they are unwilling, you are going to have conflict. Conflict is bad for your health and your happiness most of the time. Try to make it so your goals and expectations only affect you, because back to my first point you can only control yourself and your actions.

      Those are my keys for dealing with others.

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        #4
        FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

        Thanks Mama, Thanks SuperC. You always encoursge me.

        I keep hearing my mom in my head, "I never promised you a Rose Garden' from that awful 70's song. :notes: Well, No one said this would be easy!

        SuperC you really helped to take the guilt out of my distancing myself. Some of these people just aren't aware they're Toxic to me- the operative word there being 'me'.
        But It's not calculated or mean spirited. Still they do drain my spirit and affect my health.
        I really dont know how in the world I reached a point where I thought that was a producive state of being.
        I think I thought that by draining me I was helping them. Well I dont think I want that anymore.

        And Yes Mama that is motivation! Last time I had 30 daysI celebrated with a fifth of Bacardi. Maybe we can make other arrangemnet this time. :H

        Love you guys :h
        Have a Happy, Restful day.
        :l:l
        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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          #5
          FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

          How about a fifth of peanut m and m's???
          tee hee
          I love my family more than alcohol.:h
          Live in the Solution....not the problem

          Comment

            #6
            FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

            I'll bring the tonic & lime
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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              #7
              FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

              Kradle I thought my relationship with my family would get much better when I quit, but it didn't. We don't have a bad relationship per se, but it's not very close. I thought I'd want to spend more time with everyone, but I don't lol. I guess I really am a mean hermit.:H


              "I like people too much or not at all."               Sylvia Plath

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                #8
                FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

                Well then I will be hermitizing right along with you LB. Seems the further I get from alcohol the less I wants to be around them. I just don't answer the phone! I'd rather be here.

                Saw a great sign in one of my antique places: Friends are the family you make along the way!
                Too True :l
                On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                  #9
                  FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

                  Kradle123;1334147 wrote: Still they do drain my spirit and affect my health.
                  ...
                  I think I thought that by draining me I was helping them. Well I dont think I want that anymore.
                  Rescusitating an old thread. You should research into emotional and spiritual vampires.

                  The Psychological Vampire, Astrologically Viewed : Lynn Koiner - Astrological Research
                  One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

                    Wanted to bump this thread if that's ok.... Still shouldering this burden...:sigh:

                    Happy Sunday Everyone,
                    :l:h
                    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                      #11
                      FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

                      Kradle, I get it.

                      My family drains me, and I'm learning to distance myself. I don't rescue my younger sister, and I don't make calls to relay the latest drama. It's taken me a long time to learn that.

                      Oh, yes, the lending of the helping hand, thus being the perfect martyr. I got so sick of myself I could hardly bear it.

                      I only ask for help when I need it, and when I determine it's time for others to step up. Still, I feel guilty when I do. I'll get beyond that, too.

                      I am a child of workaholics, which is no different from COAA. Each avoiding something in his/her own ways, with ridicule and criticism abounding.

                      Hugs to you, kind woman.
                      "Remember, you are responsible for creating your life by every thought, action, choice. Choose well." Oprah Winfrey

                      Comment

                        #12
                        FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

                        Juja,:l

                        Family, family, family....you can't pick your family, but you can pick what nursing home you send them to...

                        I think I am finally ready to sign the closing papers to my mom's estate.
                        She passed away in 2004. Shes been gone for almost 10 fricken years...
                        I must be one of the most dysfunctional people on the planet...uch:
                        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                        Comment

                          #13
                          FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

                          I've been moderating since 3/11 and no one has even noticed!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

                            Or maybe my pattern isn't really "moderating." I post how much I've had to drink each day on the drink tracker and I doubt the people in my life are checking my record!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              FRIENDS FAMILY: Before After Drinking

                              Kradle123;1495323 wrote: Juja,:l

                              I must be one of the most dysfunctional people on the planet...uch:
                              You don't seem very dysfunctional to me. Seriously.
                              "Remember, you are responsible for creating your life by every thought, action, choice. Choose well." Oprah Winfrey

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