Here goes...soul-bearing time. Now that I'm not drinking on Friday nights, I'm thinking instead! So, I'm laying in bed and it occurs to me to come here and tell you all one of the reasons I drink. Background first - I married my high school sweetheart 17 years ago - we each had substance abuse problems in our past, but we put it all behind us and decided to get sober and have a family. My husband now has a successful business and I was a stay at home mom for many years and I recently went back to my before-kids career as a legal secretary.
We have 3 kids - our oldest daughter is 16 1/2, smart, gorgeous, very social and popular. She was just inducted into NHS and music honors society and recently scored 1630 on her SAT's! We're starting to look at colleges for her - she'll be successful I'm certain and hopefully won't take the hard road like her parents. Then, we have another daughter - she's almost 13 and funny and cute as the day is long! Very smart, pretty and social too although still a little on the" too young to tell where she's going yet with her" life side! Then, we have a son - our middle child - he was 2 months old when I got pregnant with our 3rd, so he never had any alone with mom time. He's going to be 14 in June. This is the one I'm very concerned about and I'm hoping by putting this out there, someone will be able to help me cope with my concerns.
From the time he was very young, my son's been very artistic. At the age of 3, my mom, (who is a domestic violence specialist and drug and alcohol abuse counselor by trade) hinted that she thought he might be gay when he gets older. I don't know how one can tell at that age, but that's how she felt. My husband was furious with her and it almost ruined their relationship.
Long story short, we had a huge blow up in our family because a brother of mine called him a little "fa**ot" when he was 7, out of anger towards me and out of his own hatred for himself. This caused such a rift in my family, I didn't speak to my mother for many years because of it (it really is way too long to go into..) Anyway, we pulled away from our family to protect my son. He then became very interested in performing in plays and getting lead roles at a young age which we supported. He played soccer at the time and we figured that diversity was good for him. But he quickly lost interest in sports. For the last 3 years, he has been a performing member of a famous boys choir. It's been a great ride, but as he has gotten older, I've seen more and more "odd" or different behavior from him. He has completely withdrawn from any male peer interaction at school and only hangs out with girls. He did this in elementary school too, but now it's exclusively 2-3 girls are his only friends. The only boys he is comfortable with is in choir, but he only sees them at rehearsals twice a week and he doesn't really have any close friendships. He stays home all the time and gets obsesseed with music, operas, plays - anything theatrical, despite my urgings to get him to try other things. He is now at the point where he just repels other boys - our long-time friends' kids rarely make conversation with him (unless they are a girl) and even family members seem to be uncomfortable around him because he is a little more cultured then they know what to do with and also because he doesn't play sports of any kind nor is he interested. And my family is largely atheletic.
I have to admit - it's painful watching him unfold into a secluded young man who doesn't have any interest in what other boys his age are doing other than the few he knows in choir. He'd rather hang out at home singing or watching Phantom of the Opera or playing on the computer. I worry for him - and this is one of the reasons I drink - to numb the pain and deny the reality. My husband and I, who have a great relationship, do not agree on how to handle this. It's the one thing we argue about. He says, we can't change him and let it be. And as much as I know that to be true, I just feel sad to think that my only son might have a tough road ahead of him if he continues this way. Sorry for the long read - any thoughts?
Dori
We have 3 kids - our oldest daughter is 16 1/2, smart, gorgeous, very social and popular. She was just inducted into NHS and music honors society and recently scored 1630 on her SAT's! We're starting to look at colleges for her - she'll be successful I'm certain and hopefully won't take the hard road like her parents. Then, we have another daughter - she's almost 13 and funny and cute as the day is long! Very smart, pretty and social too although still a little on the" too young to tell where she's going yet with her" life side! Then, we have a son - our middle child - he was 2 months old when I got pregnant with our 3rd, so he never had any alone with mom time. He's going to be 14 in June. This is the one I'm very concerned about and I'm hoping by putting this out there, someone will be able to help me cope with my concerns.
From the time he was very young, my son's been very artistic. At the age of 3, my mom, (who is a domestic violence specialist and drug and alcohol abuse counselor by trade) hinted that she thought he might be gay when he gets older. I don't know how one can tell at that age, but that's how she felt. My husband was furious with her and it almost ruined their relationship.
Long story short, we had a huge blow up in our family because a brother of mine called him a little "fa**ot" when he was 7, out of anger towards me and out of his own hatred for himself. This caused such a rift in my family, I didn't speak to my mother for many years because of it (it really is way too long to go into..) Anyway, we pulled away from our family to protect my son. He then became very interested in performing in plays and getting lead roles at a young age which we supported. He played soccer at the time and we figured that diversity was good for him. But he quickly lost interest in sports. For the last 3 years, he has been a performing member of a famous boys choir. It's been a great ride, but as he has gotten older, I've seen more and more "odd" or different behavior from him. He has completely withdrawn from any male peer interaction at school and only hangs out with girls. He did this in elementary school too, but now it's exclusively 2-3 girls are his only friends. The only boys he is comfortable with is in choir, but he only sees them at rehearsals twice a week and he doesn't really have any close friendships. He stays home all the time and gets obsesseed with music, operas, plays - anything theatrical, despite my urgings to get him to try other things. He is now at the point where he just repels other boys - our long-time friends' kids rarely make conversation with him (unless they are a girl) and even family members seem to be uncomfortable around him because he is a little more cultured then they know what to do with and also because he doesn't play sports of any kind nor is he interested. And my family is largely atheletic.
I have to admit - it's painful watching him unfold into a secluded young man who doesn't have any interest in what other boys his age are doing other than the few he knows in choir. He'd rather hang out at home singing or watching Phantom of the Opera or playing on the computer. I worry for him - and this is one of the reasons I drink - to numb the pain and deny the reality. My husband and I, who have a great relationship, do not agree on how to handle this. It's the one thing we argue about. He says, we can't change him and let it be. And as much as I know that to be true, I just feel sad to think that my only son might have a tough road ahead of him if he continues this way. Sorry for the long read - any thoughts?
Dori
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