Army Thread Monday 18th June

[Anjicia]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Well got the garden done early and its a mix of sun and cloud no rain yet. I'm nackered. What is your job mamabear? The bestof luck in staying af but with the anti-buse you know you can't if you don't want to be very ill and way enjoy the trip i hope all goes well.

[pingu1997]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

I got the cello
But can't do any proper practice until weds
Tune a day book 1 here goes.... Step 1 get huge instrument out of bag and wish you'd got a smaller one....

[Anjicia]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Best of luck with the cello Pingu i'm sure you will hack it no problem you're such a talented woman. :microphone::notes::notes::notes:

[pingu1997]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

I love it already but it's hurting my fingers and arms ...l.

What a wimp

[tiptronic_ct]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

:upset::upset::upset:

Came home to a blocked drain... Ugh!

[pingu1997]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

I'm here moll and I may be after some cello advice....

[pingu1997]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Hi zen

I got a cello

Oops I think I already said

I can play some toons. Clever sod, sore fingers

[JackieClaire]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Evening all.

Message from Pinky and I quote:

I haven't heard owt. No phone call. Looks like I haven't got the job

[Recluse]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Evening

That was a mega family gathering stirly. Thought your absence over the weekend might have been something to do with the election, but obviously not.

I think that's a great idea with the cello, pingupurplepants. Good luck with it.

I've put the kettle on for JC.

[Recluse]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Oh...perfect timing. Hiya Jackie

That's a shame about pinky, but I think there's hope yet.

How was work?

[JackieClaire]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Awwwwwwww Reccy, aren't you a love.:l

[Recluse]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Zenstyle;1336759 wrote: Sometimes they don't get back to you as promptly as they should after interviews. I think it's bad manners to leave someone hanging like that...

I totally agree.

[one2many]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Awwwhh Pinky xx It aint over till the fat lady sings, don't give up hope yet x

Dying to hear the cello sounds Pingu!

Just back from a driving lesson and going back out to class in a min..a woman's work and all that...

Have I missed anything?

[stirly-girly]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Hiya Peeps!!

What Zennie-butt said about the interview. No news is not always bad news.

I was just over on FB and saw some new pictures posted. Jackie - that one with your Grandmother and the babies is so sweet.:l And wee Jamie - my, he's a cutie.:h And lovely cello, Pingu pants. I see you changed your signature.

Reccie - there were 12 of us including the little girl who I have become very attached to in the two times that I've seen her so far. The family seems very nice - quiet, down-to-earth people but with a good sense of humour. We on the other hand are a noisy bunch with a good sense of humour.

[Recluse]

Army Thread Monday 18th June

Warning....mega-post alert.

Yesterday zenny posted this on another thread:

Zenstyle;1336379 wrote: I feel a bit bad, as some people reading this thread may start to feel unworthy… as if they aren’t meeting the criteria. Addicts are sensitive souls! lol…

That was EXACTLY how I felt....unworthy. It made me feel the need to explain where I am at on my journey so that if anyone wants to judge me they can at least make a semi-informed judgement. Molly suggested earlier today that zen, foxy, and I treat the army thread as a sort of rehab for a while to document where we're at. With that in mind, I composed this post. It will unavoidably sound a bit egocentric, for which I apologise in advance.

I've never talked about the underlying causes of my alcoholism on this forum and it's not important. Suffice to say that when I first came here about 18 months ago my head was in an awful mess, I was suicidal and not because of the alcohol.

I started seeing a counsellor early last year and shortly afterwards tried to taper down. It didn't work. The problem was that I wasn't able to open up to her, so she didn't know what the feelings were that led me to drink to oblivion each day. Eventually I realised that it wasn't working and stopped seeing her. But she was sufficiently worried about me that she telephoned my lady GP to express her concerns and made an appointment for me to see said GP.

My GP was absolutely wonderful and after a few appointments I was eventually able to open up to her and she arranged for all kinds of support for me and a couple of months later I was ready to try again with a new counsellor. After a few months with him my head was in a much better place and I started tapering down. It took a while, but by early this year I was AF.

It lasted about 3 months. For most of the first couple of months I filled my hours with shopping online. I was rewarding myself for being AF by spending the money I would have spent on whisky on myself instead...clothes, things for the kitchen, etc. But I'm not well off financially and inevitably the spending had to come to an end. So instead I spent many hours on MWO each day. There was too much time to think and I began to think about trying to moderate and eventually caved in.

With the help of my counsellor it has slowly sunk in that it's not enough to simply stop drinking. You have to replace the drinking with something else. The problem for me was that there wasn't anything else other than a rather uncomfortable daily walk (I was having pains in my knees and feet at the time). In short, I didn't have a life. I'm now trying to build one, gradually, from scratch. I've made a little progress with that recently, developing new interests and going back to old ones, but it takes time. Sometimes the days are too long (as I write this, I've been awake since 9am yesterday) and then I find myself needing a break from sobriety for 24 hours or so before getting back to the business of trying to build a life. An additional complicating factor is that I've recently come off the ADs that I'd been on for 18 months, the same ADs and dosage that P3 was on. I'm undecided about whether that was sensible or not.

My reason for writing all this is to try to show that throughout the whole of the 18 months I've been here, I HAVE been trying to overcome my alcoholism and I HAVE been making progress, even if that may not always appear to have been the case. I don't drink daily any more, I'm no longer physically dependent on alcohol, I eat carefully, I exercise regularly, I've lost a stone and a half in excess weight this year and my head is in a much better place than it was. I'm fairly confident that I'm on the right track and that I will eventually get to where I want to be, but I also think it will take a little while longer. For me, it's not enough to be sober, it has to be a happy sobriety or it won't last and that's what I'm aiming for.

As for project reczen, I intend to try to increase my AF time, but I don't know if I'm ready for long-term sobriety yet. That will come. One of my concerns about project reczen is documenting any failures and the effect that may have on others in the barracks, particularly those who may be struggling. I wouldn't want to make life difficult for anyone else. Anyone got any thoughts?

And of course I wish zenny and foxy the best of luck in their own pursuit of sobriety.

Sorry about the length of this post and for the me, me, me nature of it....I hope you'll understand the reasons.