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    #1

    Starting Over...

    Well...I am back. Although I'm sure no one noticed I was gone.
    I obviously have been drinking...

    I am preparing for my day one again.
    This time - I am going to spend the day preparing as well I am not going to do this weekend crap. I have a counsellor appointment this week as well as a doc appt on the 11th where I will ask for the doc to check my liver levels out.
    I feel pain in my right side but I am pretty sure it's because I am thinking of it too much and researching everything and becoming increasingly paranoid that I may have chirrosis (s/p?).

    I will read more. Play computer games. Exercise. Spend time outdoors. Garden. Read about recovery. Eat healthy. Things like that.
    And journal. That'll help.
    I really need to try and remember that sober time really is better then being a drunk and planning my next binge.
    When I look back on all the great times I have had the past few months it is always the sober times that stand out.

    I need to be sober until my doc appointment.
    Wish me luck everyone. And hope y'all are doing well.

    Bri
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    #2
    Starting Over...

    I wish you strength and luck, Bri.

    I understand everything you said, too.

    Juja
    "Remember, you are responsible for creating your life by every thought, action, choice. Choose well." Oprah Winfrey

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      #3
      Starting Over...

      Thanks so much Juja.
      xo

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        #4
        Starting Over...

        Bri, I too came crashing off the wagon last week. I had an out-of-town job and on the final night before my flight home, we all went out to celebrate a job well done and blow off some steam. Problem is with my unnatural tolerance, I don't wake up hung over. I wake up still drunk and feeling so crappy that the only thing that will make me feel better is an eye-opener. So went out to the nearest convenience store, got myself a hair-of-the-dog pint, had three more beers at the airport and one on the plane, then I had my ride stop so I could pick up a pint of vodka for a nightcap. And the cycle repeated itself for five more days after that. The entire time I kept thinking, ehh, I'll wake up tomorrow hungover but at least sober. But that is not a luxury afforded to high-tolerance binge drinkers.

        I kicked cigarettes ten years ago, and I've felt so good since I can't imagine ever smoking again. When I don't drink, life is going ok and I'm exercising regularly and eating well, I feel so great that I wonder why I even drink in the first place. I guess that's why it's called "addiction."

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          #5
          Starting Over...

          here for you Bri...ok??
          I love my family more than alcohol.:h
          Live in the Solution....not the problem

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            #6
            Starting Over...

            Aihflvt ::: I completely understand what you're saying. I don't understand how I keep forgetting how much fun being sober is. Of course there are boring nights but at least I remember them the next day and don't wake up feeling shitty and hungover.

            Mama ::: Thank you. I can always count on you. )


            Whenever I planned my next quit date I always felt like this was it...that I was done with alcohol...so even though I am thoroughly optimistic there is a niggling reminder in the back of my mind that this is quit date number 1,000.
            But I have to be more then optimistic and tell myself that this is finally it...and that quit date 1001 is actually it.
            I don't want to die from this...and I don't want health problems...I want to be healthy, happy and fit.

            Oh...and sober of course.

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              #7
              Starting Over...

              Welcome back bri. I am in your corner too. Experts suggest that people who keep trying, even when they fail, to quit an addiction, be it cigarettes, AL or some other drug, have the most success. The good thing is you're back.:l


              "I like people too much or not at all."               Sylvia Plath

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                #8
                Starting Over...

                Thanks so much LG.

                It warms the heart to know that you all have my back.

                I will keep trying until I kick this thing.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Starting Over...

                  briseus;1340018 wrote: Well...I am back. Although I'm sure no one noticed I was gone.
                  I obviously have been drinking...

                  Bri
                  EVERYBODY noticed Bri.

                  When you feel a bit better Honey check the Nest and you will see we all were asking where you were and I know I PM'd U (though dont know if it went thru) I even referenced U to a gal who wanted to go on a Pub Crawl thinking she would be Okay. I'm sorry but I pretty much new after your 'lots of booze' thread' where it was going becaseu I have been there many times myself...

                  I belive sincerely Bri that this is just all part of your (our ) journey together, Just a piece of your puzzle and not a failure or a let down or anything like the peole 'out there' tell us. All these 'slips' & 'falls' are really the very bricks and Mortar of our new life not just further evidence our our failures.

                  As a Nichiren Buddhist whenever I screw up or face a big obsacles, my frineds will tell me 'Oh Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. That's great' Even as i am I am tears!! They say Congratualtions because they know that what looks like this horrible, hateful hurtful thing is actually a rare opportunity to do what is called 'Human revolution' or as others have said here so well, becomeing who we really are, our enlightlened selves. I say rare only in proportion to how large the 'thing' is.

                  I alwys get a litle pissed when they say this becasue really I want pity, commiseration not a bunch of buddhists telling me I'm a great, worthy person! But I forge ahead. Chanting (the cornerstone of my practice) and studying, bitching and talking.

                  And so can you.
                  So Congratulations!!:goodjob:

                  You are one step closer to becoming who you really are.
                  Annoying I know but true. :h

                  Hugs
                  :l

                  PS: And I wrote that on only 1 cup of coffee cause I care!
                  On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                  *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                    #10
                    Starting Over...

                    briseus;1340077 wrote: I will keep trying until I kick this thing.
                    Do, bri because it for sure doesn't get easier with the passage of time. Quite the opposite. so keep putting one foot in front of the other in the right direction.
                    sigpic
                    Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Starting Over...

                      Thank you Kradle.
                      Unfortunately I didn't get a PM from you. Maybe there is something wrong with my account or something?
                      I do understand exactly what you are saying about people say "congratulations"...how you may feel a bit put off by it, but it really does make sense.
                      I am actually researching a little more into Buddhism as it is something that interests me a great deal. Maybe it will help me along with my recovery.

                      Thank you Greeneyes - yes, it will only get worse, as they say it progresses.

                      I am having a hard time with thinking that this is a disease...especially since I choose to take a drink...I am the one that picks it up, buys it, pours it, drinks it and does it all over again.

                      I think I struggle with weekends the most because I do have a lot of fun on the weekends but then just feel guilt during the week and struggle with not wanting to drink...but doing it anyways.

                      So tomorrow I am going to turn a new leaf over...I really want to be happy and this doesn't help! I know it will be freakin' hard but it is something I have to do.
                      And of course there is a long weekend coming up. Going to be tricky but needs to be done.

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                        #12
                        Starting Over...

                        briseus;1340186 wrote: And of course there is a long weekend coming up. Going to be tricky but needs to be done.
                        Yes bri, it DOES need to be done. Here's the thing. There will ALWAYS be something coming up. Some reason for celebration or a gathering that lends itself to drinking. Weddings, birthdays, holidays, anniveraries, graduations,promotions, new houses, births, bbqs, funerals.... at some point we just have to quit. And it CAN be done! That's the good news. What if it couldn't? I shudder to think.
                        sigpic
                        Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Starting Over...

                          Good for you, Briseus that you are starting over. Me too, as I'm on day 3 today. I have re-started way more than 1,000 times - oh, you amateurs!!!!

                          Seriously, as many times as it takes is as many times as it takes. This will do it for you. Plan, and do.
                          Ask yourselves, would you rather be a non drinker with an occasional desire to drink or a drinker with a constant desire to stop doing it?
                          (quote from Bean )

                          Goal: Survival

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                            #14
                            Starting Over...

                            It is true. There will always be weekends, holidays, birthdays. Bad days. Good days. Whatever days. I just need to relearn everything that I have numbed myself to the last few years. How to cry normal. Sleep sober. Carry a conversation. Feel my emotions. Just be. Without drinking.

                            Lady, congrats on day 3 (now day 4).
                            I am on day one here. Feeling rough. But plan on taking care of myself instead of beating myself up. Because what's the sense in that?

                            Thanks everyone.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Starting Over...

                              Come on Bri
                              shake those tail feathers babe....
                              Nora was crocheting last night to fight her urges...whatever works right??
                              I am at 30 ish days and still a novice..but I feel so much better...
                              I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                              Live in the Solution....not the problem

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