Throwing It Away

[briseus]

I was reading a thread on another forum where someone was coming up on their year mark and was afraid because that voice was popping to his/her head trying to convince them that they deserve a "reward" - that being a couple drinks.
Now many people that replied said this "don't do it - don't throw it away!" - meaning their 1 year of sober time.
But...
Are you really throwing that sober time away? Nothing can change that you were sober for one entire year. You can't just dismiss it. So are we really throwing it away if we decide after 1 year that we want to drink moderately/socially.
The fact of the matter is that a lot of people that can mod/drink socially a lot of the time don't come back onto the forums and share their stories because they think "I'm obviously not an alcoholic and this is an alcoholic forum".

I hope this makes sense.
Just wondering what everyone's opinion is.

Day 4 for me and woke up feeling hungover. How freaking annoying.

[LibraryGirl]

Throwing It Away

Yeah, this is something I've been posting a lot about too, Bri. I think some people probably have managed to moderate, and did leave the forum. Read Nancy's reply on my thread. I think it's one of the most unbiased and intelligent responses I've gotten. Here it is (Thanks Nancy!)


"My impression has been that the people who say that have tried it themselves many times and failed. I seem to remember from a long time ago Determinator saying it was like chasing a hat that was blowing in the wind down the street.

That doesn't mean you or anyone else shouldn't try it. If you get a dogmatic response that you can't then it might make moderation all that more appealing, that's only human. It's important to remember that there are many different levels of drinking problems and for sure the damage for some is a lot worse and that attempts could serious life problems, like car accidents and hospitalizations. There are others who have less severe problems and are quite functional. We don't know what the range is on this website. There don't seem to be many who successfully moderate here but that could be because the site is attracting people on the more severe end. Also people who want to moderate in the past have been shouted down. It's very hard for people trying to abstain to even contemplate the idea. It's tempting the addictive voice to even read it.

Personally, I think harm reduction is a more helpful term and realistic goal.

Yes it's true that people without serious problems get drunk. The difference for me, and this is a female point of view, is that they weren't dependent on it emotionally and psychologically. People who don't have problems and occasionally get drunk are not the ones who use booze to self-medicate. I'll acknowledge this is just my opinion, based on my own experience. And while people without problems get drunk, I think that's mainly in youth. You don't see it too much as you get older. If you do see drunk older people, there often is a problem though as I said above, there is a big scale of degree and functionality. This is all my opinion."

[Cinders]

Throwing It Away

Bri,

Of course you are not "throwing away" the time you were sober.

However, most of us have found that once we start drinking again, we very soon get back to alcoholic levels. I believe several people here can attest to this.

In that case, you are "throwing away" your sobriety and falling back into the tunnel.

Just my $0.02.

Cindi

[Sober Visitor]

Throwing It Away

Hi Bri,

All we ever have is today. If I'm drinking today, I'm no longer on the sober path, and there's a good chance I may never find my way back. Getting sober was one of the hardest things I've done. It took me a full year to get to a place of comfort in my sobriety, and in many ways, I'm still creating and evolving into my new life. I personally don't ever want to take all the hard work that I put in to get from there to here for granted or put myself at risk to wind up back where I was because where I was then was desperately wishing to be where I am today. That's what the caution "don't do it -- don't throw it away" means to me.

Sheri

[Supercrew]

Throwing It Away

It seems like your focus is still on drinking Bri. I know it is just a general question, but it sounds like something your mind might be trying to contemplate...."do I get a reward if I abstain?" type of thing and will this dreaded sobriety still count? First people have to realize that pouring poison down your throat isn't a reward. All sobriety counts and is good for you, if you drink again, you drink again. It's pretty black and white.

[mama bear]

Throwing It Away

is that "YOU" Sheri??
good to see you babe..and as always...your advice is spot on!!

[briseus]

Throwing It Away

Thanks for everyone's opinions. It is interesting what everyone has to say.

Supercrew - it isn't about me. As I said, I was on a different forum and someone had panicked because they made it almost a year and they were going away somewhere for the weekend and his addictive voice was having him toy with the idea of drinking with his buddies...and the general consensus was "you are going to throw it away".

I agree with Cinders - you aren't throwing it away. I think it is psychological more then anything...some people can mod and some can't...I guess if you go back to square one and can never get out of that hole then you have a problem but your sober time wasn't a waste of time.

Thanks LG for posting what Nancy said and Sheri I definitely understand what you are saying.

I guess it is quite a broad subject...because some people can have a glass or two of wine after a year of sobriety...some people will party with their friends once a month or every two months after sobriety...some people just can't drink at all and some people go back to their old ways...

I just don't think that the hard work that you put into your sobriety is a waste of time - thus the thinking of "throwing it away"...

[Sober Visitor]

Throwing It Away

mama bear;1342332 wrote: is that "YOU" Sheri??
good to see you babe..and as always...your advice is spot on!!

'Tis ME, Mama! How are you! It was so GREAT to read about your recent accomplishment! Congrats on the 30 days! And, to you, too, Cindi!

[mama bear]

Throwing It Away

Thanks Sweetie
YOU SOUND AWESOME
I am still here plugging away

[nancy]

Throwing It Away

throwing it away

I think that a whole year of sobriety for sure isn't thrown away with a relapse. I believe every improvement is important. One of the best books I ever read about drinking was Ken Anderson's How To Change Your Drinking. So based on how much this book resonates with me, I believe I am in the harm reduction camp.

However, while that year isn't thrown away, a relapse could jeopardize or throw away the future, it's a risk. Depending on how bad the problem is, one drinking episode could mean the loss of a license or a partner or a job. You could set yourself back by getting back into the cycle of drinking again.

[Cinders]

Throwing It Away

nancy;1342414 wrote: I think that a whole year of sobriety for sure isn't thrown away with a relapse. I believe every improvement is important. One of the best books I ever read about drinking was Ken Anderson's How To Change Your Drinking. So based on how much this book resonates with me, I believe I am in the harm reduction camp.

However, while that year isn't thrown away, a relapse could jeopardize or throw away the future, it's a risk. Depending on how bad the problem is, one drinking episode could mean the loss of a license or a partner or a job. You could set yourself back by getting back into the cycle of drinking again.

The above bold is what I am talking about, Bri. Many of us have been there, done that, wear the t-shirts. I have several of those t-shirts.

But, that does not mean people should not try to moderate. I am not in the AF camp, firmly.

I truly believe that there are those who abuse alcohol for whatever reason and those of us, for whatever reason, cannot safely partake of alcohol.

If I knew a way to differentiate, I would be a wealthy woman. I can't.

At AA, they tell those who come into the rooms who ask the question, "Am I an alcoholic?" to try to go 30 days without alcohol. Then, after that, if their drinking becomes out of control again, they are probably an alcoholic. No one in AA will ever tell someone they are an alcoholic. That is up to the individual to decide.

In my mind there are three kinds of drinkers: 1. Those who drink occasionally, have no issues, etc. 2. Those who abuse alcohol but can quit drinking abusively. 3. Those who are alcoholics. Unfortunately, I cannot easily distinguish between 2 and 3 except that when you are a "3," you cannot quit drinking abusively.

I am sorry for the AA reference, but as of today, other than the Baclofen and Naltrexone threads, it is all I have.

With Baclofen, there is a huge amount of hope. I have seen it here, I am jealous because I could not do HDB. With Naltrexone, the same thing. I "tried it" for three months and did not see any improvement in my drinking. Apparently, the Sinclair Method can take much longer than three months. With my kidney/liver/stomach issues, no doctor would allow me to follow the Sinclair Method.

Sigh. This post is way too long. I am sorry. But, after several years on MWO and almost dying from my disease a few weeks ago, I think it is important to think about our circumstances. OUR CIRCUMSTANCES.

None of us here on the website, or AA, or a doctor's office, or a rehab, whatever, can tell you what to think about your abuse of alcohol. All we can do is give you our own personal experiences. They vary greatly.

Cindi

[aspman]

Throwing It Away

hiya bri, for me abtenance is like being in remition from a cancer that was killing me.
I could go back to drinking, and i am honestly tempted once or twice a week, but it would be tantamount to picking up cigerettes after working so hard to get into lung cancer remittion.

I love my clarity, wife and kids to much to do it, but i consider it oftern and reject it in a heart beat.

[MWOLady]

Throwing It Away

yes, one sip and I'd be right back where I started - and I'm one of those who "only" has two but it's every night, and I NEVER could go without even for one night. Literally ONE sip and I'm done.

There was an on-line test (sorry don't have the reference) that I found somewhere here to see what kind of biological alcoholic you were. I think I'm "hypoglycaemic and addicted" from my responses. Very interesting as I have a history of hypoglycaemic episodes over the years if I don't eat carefully. So one sip and my body can't handle the alcohol at all - just hits me like a ton of bricks. I actually don't feel well at all and certainly don't know why I keep drinking!!!!! Well, duh, I guess it's because I'm hypoglycaemic and addicted!!!

I'm trying to get a sugar hit from the wine - so for me to keep well fed, and well hydrated is very important. Sorry to ramble on but just thought of this and wanted to pass it on. There are lots of different reasons we drink, and each body responds differently to the alcohol.

[mama bear]

Throwing It Away

Aspman
I love that analogy
as a cancer survivor it really rings true...

[briseus]

Throwing It Away

Thanks everyone for your opinions - this is just a discussion - I don't need convincing. I know what I am and what I have to do to live a healthy life.
This is very interesting to read and I agree with what everyone is saying.