need encouragement -big time been AF but lately seem to be slipping

[gingerspice]

Hi all,
most i know dont know me as i mainly observe and occasionally post, but here i am . Ive been AF since Feb when a major run in with my more than patient Husband ended with the ultimatum that if you do this again then we are finished.I got on board and / i thought that i had this Demon licked , but lately i am having one Bottle/ 1 Box of Wine . I do not want this / i dont know why i am doing this.

History -Mother of 4 Girls / 2 Marriages / 1st marriage ended in 10 months with 1 Girl / 2nd Marriage ,nearing 24 years with 3 Girls . Have had much trouble with 2nd Husband excepting 1st Child since His first Child was born ( make any sense) . lately things are better.

Family - Have 1 brother 11 years older ,1 sister 9 years older , none want to know me as i do not fit in with them.

+ I am a Christian

Why is it so Hard to kick the drink - i know that i will loose all that i care about and love if i continual to do this - but the problem is when you have had a few drinks - you do not seem to care about that.

From a Confused Person.!!!


:thanks::h

[Sober Visitor]

need encouragement -big time been AF but lately seem to be slipping

Hi Gingerspace,

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time right now. On the plus side, you should be very proud of yourself for reaching out for support and encouragment, as I know how hard that can be. I hope it helps to bring you some comfort to know that you aren't alone, nor do you have to do this alone.

What finally worked for me was following the MWO program religiously (except the Topamax), checking in here several times a day, and reading all I could about how to beat this thing. Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Drinking was very instrumental in helping me to change my thinking which was an absolute necessity for me, but there are many other good one's as well. I likened my early days to being in "Sober School" and I'm now a proud graduate!

Don't forget to visit the Tool Box under the Monthly Abstinence Section as well as the thread on "What I Hate, Loathe & Just Can't Stand About Alcohol." There's lots of good tips and reminders in both those threads to help set the motivation spark in motion.

Sounds like you have so much to live for, most of all YOU! I believe we all have the power to beat this with a little help from our friends. Why not join one of the daily threads here too!

You can do this, I know you can!

Sheri

[Wildflowers]

need encouragement -big time been AF but lately seem to be slipping

Hi Gingerspice & Welcome Back, :welcome:

Can you pinpoint why or what is causing you to want to drink? For myself it was everything in life. The good, the bad, the ugly & for no reasons at all.

I drank for a variety of reasons. To enhance fun, for more excitement in life. I was bored. It helped motivate me. At times it gave me energy when I was tired. I came out of my shell in social situations. It even enhanced my sex life, but there were times that back fired.

I have most always had anxiety, been nervous had lots of wound up energy. It helped me relax. It helped me forget when I felt depressed. I drank when I was happy, angry, sad, felt lonely, etc. Drank many times when everything thing was just fine in my life & when life didn't go my way.

I craved & drank alcohol for nearly everything, for many years. I craved it like air & water. I thought I needed it to live. I needed it for physiological, mental, emotional & spiritual reasons, or I couldn't live life. I couldn't cope with out it. I couldn't enjoy life without it. Drinking is all about changing the way we feel. Whether it's for physical, mental, or emotional. "Reality is a crutch for those who can't deal with life". Yet, we can't hide from life!

But, then one day or I should say that one day becomes many days where it doesn't work anymore! It causes more pain then good! But, it's sneaky & it likes to lie to us. After some AF time we forget & remember the good times.

It's the only disease that will tell us we don't have one! It's a lonely disease too!. All the lieing, sneaking, remorse, guilt & shame. physical illness & the list go's on....

I gave my disease a name sometimes I call her the She Demon or She Devil Bitch. It helps me to separate that disease voice from Sweet, Smart, Beautiful, Wildflowers. The one who wants to live a life that's healthy & happy, a person that's present & there for my family. Believe me I am happier most the time without the poison & so is my family!

These are the things I've tried to abolish alcohol out of my life. Working out all the time, AA, OP-Rehab, Counseling, Smart Recovery, CR Meetings, Hypnotherapy, Posting Regularly On Recovery Forums, Going To Church, Orthomolecular Science ~ Variety of Amino Acids, Supplements, Vitamins, Many Anti Depressants Over The Years.

Knowing that I'm indeed a True Alcoholic, is that first & foremost I have to have a Strong Desire to Stop putting poison in my body! Second is that I had to do something about my physical cravings. If I couldn't get those under control I'd most likely continue to have slips & relapses thru out my life. I'm purely talking physiology here. Tho there are mental & emotional cravings I believe as well. Addiction has many facets involved. The only thing that I've ever had success with in the past & currently now is Topamax. Getting these physical cravings under control has allowed myself to work on the other areas that need addressing. Topamax isn't for everyone, but I believe its a huge part of why I'm sober & a happier person today!

I know it must hurt you very much about your hubs not accepting your first born. I bet it hurts them too. Perhaps counseling would help you both? I've been married 28 years, two daughters in their twenties. My hubs threatened divorce more then once too. He has seen the lengths I've gone to, trying to & get & stay sober. He now understands that alcoholism is a chronic, reoccurring, & a progressive disease. I'm grateful for his support & love! It wasn't always this way.

Keep looking for answers! Don't give up! You are among friends here! People in all phases, levels of trying to find their way out. There is hope! Stay connected, don't isolate! :l

Really glad you & everyone else is here!

Wildflowers :h

[gingerspice]

need encouragement -big time been AF but lately seem to be slipping

Hi,
thank you for helping me through with your kind posts. Am feeling more positive and am ready to start again.
take care x

[Wildflowers]

need encouragement -big time been AF but lately seem to be slipping

Your welcome. I'm happy your feeling more positive & that your ready to start again! It will be one of the best decisions of your life!....

Saw you joined the, Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me? thread. That's all we have is today, we aren't promised tomorrow. I may pop over & say hi.

Take Care Gingerspice,

Wildflowers :h

[MWOLady]

need encouragement -big time been AF but lately seem to be slipping

Hi Gingerspice - your name reminds me how much I love gingerbread - my Nana used to make it all the time! Have not had any for maybe 40 years!!!

I'm sorry too that you are having a rough time. Hope to get to know you so please post more often.