Ugh - my first disastrous AA meeting...

[briseus]

Ugh - my first disastrous AA meeting...

Nancy - no no, you didn't offend me at all. I know, I can do the same thing as well...imagine that people are giving me dirty looks and such.

I have read the book that you suggested but that was during a time where I wasn't ready to quit so it is probably best I try reading that book again. I hear his quitting smoking book has helped lots of people.

I understand what you are saying with regards to abuse vs. alcoholic...everywhere there is something different...some sort of explanation...people will always form their own opinions on it as well.
The thing is...I drank...a lot...and the only problem it caused me were some arguments with the boyfriend from time to time and my own retarded antics at times when I got too drunk...
But when I explain this to my friends, they say that everyone goes through this at times...well, maybe not at times for me more like all the time.
I also have a hard time grasping the disease concept of alcoholism...but that is a whole 'nother thread.

[nancy]

Ugh - my first disastrous AA meeting...

abuse vs. disease

There are a TON of old threads with fights and everything about the disease concept!
I think everyone got tired out from it and then the fighting stopped. Maybe because people just hide out in their niche sections now like meds, Abstinence and moderation.

My advice, and this is just my opinion, is forget about the disease idea. It's misleading. Maybe people will one day discover what's really going on. Sure people get upset from fights and may over-drink but that's different from having really bad emotional problems coming out while drunk. And some people do have coping skills and don't use booze for that.

Here are some resources from the NIAAA about what epidemiological studies show about drinking and how people stop. And a quiz about things to consider.

Alcohol research: past, present, and future. [Ann N Y Acad Sci. 2011] - PubMed - NCBI

What's your pattern? - Rethinking Drinking - NIAAA

Good luck.

[TheSunFlower]

Ugh - my first disastrous AA meeting...

OK lots of questions. First off I am not the expert and neither is anyone in AA. Remember they are all drunks....regardless of how much time they have.

You do NOT have to do anything. Show up and warm a seat is enough and they are glad to have you. The more time you warm a seat.....the more you come to understand. I was bullheaded and left too many times....meaning I left the whole program. I needed for myself to be seat warmer

I loved SMART Recovery...the problem was that there was only one meeting a week in a city of 2 million people. And that disbanded. Now where ever I am at I can log in from my phone....type in the zip code...and boom....there is a meeting. There is something to be said for that.

I believe in the program more than ever....and Phil on the AA thread can talk about how hard it is to get days together. AA is not a magic pill. You have to do the work. I am just starting the true work...and understanding. But, at first just take your time. Let it sink in...which I never did. Now I am.

I know what you mean about celebrations and such. Take it from me....I was half drunk at my entire wedding....what a great memory that is. (white dress and all) Completely blasted afterwards.....I could not even tell you if I had fun....just that I have pictures to prove I was there. I want to do a renew of our vows....sober. So take that that to heart. Just now I am learning that having fun does not =drink. As you get older (I am 40)...you will find that as you drank...those who drank with you decided it was not worth it and found other things to do with their time.

A person changes their drinking habits to reach their goals, the drunk changes their goals. Me!

Plus, you do not have to speak at a meeting. You can pass.

You are 26....and I will tell you this. At 26 no one thought I had a problem. At 26 I knew I did...and had no idea what to do about it. Sounds so stupid to me. But, trust me.....that comes in time. I will be the first to tell someone I have a problem with it (never the case at your age) and I have been shocked by the number of people who tell me they did too. They are in the program....maybe I just gravitate to those people....but I would much rather gravitate to them than active drunks.

As I said in a post....I never found you alkies out there to drink with...so I drank at home alone. Funny side note.....in an AA meeting...I am like WTF where you people when I was out there....you seem like I would love to get a party on with you. My 2nd sponsor relapsed after 13 years....and there is no way in hell I want to party with her. We would get each other killed. And she is now on the edge of death....and there is not a damn thing we can do for her.

I post on the AA thread. Stay close....post whatever you want. Even if you want to blow up at the whole program. One thing I can tell you...is AAer's love you. They will always be there for you. I love MWO and have friends still from years ago that do not post anymore....but, at the end of the day MWO did not do it for them. Nor me. It is a great support system to what I am doing....but, in no way can change face to face with another alkie. And that is what AA was built on.

[Kaslo]

Ugh - my first disastrous AA meeting...

Briseus, I so feel for you. I have been like what you describe ALL my life. I get into a situation with a bunch of women and I feel like I am all alone in a cold sea. (and I am a tough independant person, mostly. But a meeting with only women? The thought makes my blood run cold. Lol!) From your description it sounds like they were rude and clicky, yep. And thats not how its supposed to work, although, I have to confess I have just stuck to MWO for moral support and advice. I love what SunFlower has said here. Absolutely right on. Dont give up, and congrats for not drinking afterwords.

[mama bear]

Ugh - my first disastrous AA meeting...

Bri
sorry to hear about this
I have a deep faith, but I am not one to stand up and shout about how Jesus saved me, etc
I went to an all women's meeting and they were very nice, but I was was the one that started the small talk afterwards...not them
and when one of them started about the Lord and how he saved her I felt very put off
Bear in mind I am an extrovert to the 10th degree and I figure we are all there for the same reason and we all talk our pants off the same way
Have I gone back...no...
will I ever...yep...I think a mix of men and women is nice...but they do form their cliques.....just like here
the phone was an accident.....no big deal.....just look at that way honey and don't stress over it if you can

[Wildflowers]

Ugh - my first disastrous AA meeting...

Hi Briseus,

I would just say that I pretty much agree with what others have said. I think your idea of going to a young persons meeting you may find more welcoming. Also in the past candle light woman's meetings were more relaxed & welcoming. It's pretty natural to feel nervous. Even the old timers feel that way, esp when they go to new meetings or chair them.

I tended to find the mixed open meetings better. Meaning both men & woman were there. Didn't care for the closed ones. Also there may be beginners meetings in your area. You could take a look on line & check the key legend. Try different ones if this is what your wanting to pursue. There really is a different atmosphere at different meetings. DG, a poster here who doesn't seem to post much anymore, sorta put it like this, there are ones she liked alot, some were OK, & some not good. Kinda, like Chinese food. I agree with her.

Sometimes people need or want F2F support. I think to if your a social person looking for new friends you may meet some there. Plus they are looking to get sober, or have sobriety. Even tho your first experience wasn't good. Don't give up! I'm sorry about that! I had that happen to. But, I learned alot of things that I wouldn't trade. I think of AA as two parts. One is the fellowship & the other is the program, the 12 steps & 12 traditions. This is where the thinking changes, is a way of living life. Not just achieving sobriety. Plus AA can be all kinds of fun, depending on how much you want to get involved. They have big sober parties, camp outs, retreats, bbqs, dances, etc.

But, AA's primary purpose is to stay sober & help others achieve sobriety. Perhaps, pick up some literature & a Big Book. Some meetings give them away for free or you can read it on line, along with their other literature.

Also you can get a meeting location guide book & somebody may circle some good meetings for you. That little paper location book should be free. Also if you say your new, less than 30 days, the woman should be writing there phone numbers down. This is so you can call them about anything & esp, when your thinking about picking up a drink. They will help talk you off the ledge.

Everything in AA is suggestions, so you don't have to do anything hun!.... You don't have to talk, put money in the basket, nothing your not comfortable with OK. I remember reading this some where, give wide birth to anyone who says you will relapse, if you don't do certain things. Also "take what you like & leave the rest". "Keep It Simple"

I don't know if any of this helps, but thought I'd try. I went for quite a few years. There is good & bad like everything in life. It's your journey, so you decide what's best for you. Let me know later if you have any questions, you can PM me. If I think of anything else I will let you know.

My next F2F meeting will be WFS. I've always wanted to go. I likely won't try one until the fall. Lot's going on here at our home. My Mama isn't well either. Plus our youngest daughter is home for only a month longer before she leaves again & I want to spend every moment I can with her.


Take Care,

Wildflowers :h

[littlepinkcat]

Ugh - my first disastrous AA meeting...

it doesn't sound like u fucked up, the phone thing could happen to everyone and if they took the time to speak to u , you could of explained that, its a shame they were not more welcoming, it may be a good idea to mention the feelings of embarassment and the thought pattern that happened about grabbing ur purse and drinking etc to ur counsellour, just a suggestion, i am a counsellour not for alcohol though , but they seem quite strong thing to talk to ur counsellour about

[StuckinLA]

Ugh - my first disastrous AA meeting...

If you don't drink today, you can't get drunk. Doesn't matter if you go to AA or not. Or go check out a few meetings. You don't have to talk. Don't have to get a sponsor, or work the steps. You can do that when/if you're ready. I watched my mother get sober 17+ years without AA. So just do what ya' gotta do