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One Step at a Time - July 2012

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    One Step at a Time - July 2012

    for what it's worth peeps
    I still struggle...just not every day
    but when the desire hits...BAM
    and it's usually when I lying in bed trying to fall asleep
    I used to be such a sound sleeper, and I HATE to toss and turn...
    and the more I toss, the more frustrated I get
    it's weird..I can have a crap day and I go home and wind down
    but when the house is quiet, hubs is snoring and the kids are in bed...the demon brain starts working....
    I love my family more than alcohol.:h
    Live in the Solution....not the problem

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      One Step at a Time - July 2012

      Tipp - I guess it is about self love. I don't think I ever really felt good about myself. I am getting better in that regard though.

      Mama - didn't the Dr give you something to help you on those restless nights? :l
      "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
      ..........
      AF - 7-27-15

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        One Step at a Time - July 2012

        Hello friends, I can really relate to the self loathing that comes with abusive drinking. It will take a long time to get over that.

        MB, it's hard to feel good without enough sleep, hope that improves for you soon. I have a lot of aches that prevent a sound night's sleep sometimes, but my memory foam adjustable bed helps.

        Nora, it is good to know how you are doing in the struggle with alcohol. I'm glad you are using another tool to help you take that next step forward.

        Today is day 14, two weeks. My strength continues to grow, with no small credit to the group here.
        My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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          One Step at a Time - July 2012

          Hi everyone, I can relate to the self loathing, I think that is the root of my drink problem. Ican also relate to the lack of sleep due to aches and pains Sun. I have had arthritis since I was a child and at the moment I'm having a flare up. I am waking up regularly due to hip pain. I am also struggling with medication, my gp prescribes codeine, which I only take when the pain is bad, but most people know that alcoholics have to be very careful with medication. I am having to take it now, combined with ibuprofen, it is the only thing that takes the edge off the pain, but I have to be very careful, I make sure I eat when I take it, as on an empty stomach it can cause euphoria, which can lead to drinking, but the pain can also lead back to drinking, I have no desire to drink the idea frightens me, so I must remain vigilant, until this flare up subsides.
          .

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            One Step at a Time - July 2012

            Nora...yes...but I am sooooo wary of addiction now
            the stuff she gave me helped, but I am not sure I can wake up and get out the door in the am...
            it's funny...I didn't have alot of self hate until I became and alcoholic...
            I had a rough childhood and I am actually pretty proud of how I turned out
            funny huh?
            I love my family more than alcohol.:h
            Live in the Solution....not the problem

            Comment


              One Step at a Time - July 2012

              Zen - I was going to say don't save those sweet & salty M&M's for me. Then I saw that you didn't like them either. :H:H

              As far as struggling... I can't even begin to describe it. Drinking... not drinking... thinking of drinking... patting myself on the back for not drinking... wondering what damage I've done from drinking... fucking ON and ON and ON! It is NEVER far from my mind...
              You got that right! Truthfully, I'll be ok for periods of time but then when it hits, it hits hard. And, it's all those thoughts!!
              Honestly, it's a good thing that I already took the antabuse. More things going on with Casey and I'm on overload. Well - he is on overload which is causing me to go into worry Mother mode. In the past week & a half. Stolen car, got fired yesterday, phone stolen yesterday. It's just overwhelming. He got fired because of a complaint on Father's Day. The complaint was about the food but because the manager doesn't like him, they turned it around and fired him. Just not fair. He figured that they were going to fire him but it still makes me mad. Then he went out with friends yesterday and partied way too much. So, we have been trying to get hold of him. I finally resorted to going online and checking the last phone numbers he had dialed. I called & got a girl and she told me that they had a lot of fun last night and then Casey disappeared. :upset: I was finally able to get hold of Casey's roommate and he told me that Casey had stayed at a friend of a friends. But, they had been worried too until they figured that out. I was just to the point of calling hospitals until I talked to the roommate. Then I get a call from Casey and he's at the phone store. Trying to buy a new phone. I am just sick to my stomach from all the stress & worry.
              Anyway - I'll have to find another way to deal with it because I took the antabuse. I guess I am dealing with it by coming here & venting. So thanks for letting me vent. :h
              "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
              ..........
              AF - 7-27-15

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                One Step at a Time - July 2012

                Shit Nora..our kids could well the death of us....poor Casey...I assume he's looking for another job?? and tell him I am on my way to CA to spank his butt. Have you ever discussed how his behavior bothers you and triggers drinking feelings?? It may make a difference coz I know he adores you. And I am glad you took the AB
                Clay is better...he's sleeping right now
                Just sitting down to eat leftovers from the catered bar be que yesterday
                and gonna watch some.....wait for it....Neflix.
                As my precious friend Sunshinedaisies says..."Keep your peckers up"
                I love each and every one of you and your friendships and support are so precious to me
                I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                Live in the Solution....not the problem

                Comment


                  One Step at a Time - July 2012

                  ps...I have had a banging headache all day...better not be strep....
                  I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                  Live in the Solution....not the problem

                  Comment


                    One Step at a Time - July 2012

                    Hi everyone,
                    Nora, Mama Bear, I hear you loud and clear about the kids! I love them dearly but sometimes !!!!
                    i don't think they realize we are people just like them. I have never been perfect nor have I asked them to be. I let them colour outside the lines, make their own decisions and be independent. but now they , actually only my daughter, my son not so much, thinks she is the parent. Honestly she is my biggest trigger. She's a great kid , in university, working 2 jobs, renting a condo with her boy friend ect...ect..but sometimes she just lets herself in to ( our house) and starts telling us what we should do & how we should live. I know she means well but she bothers the shit out of me, make me anxious and you get my drift.
                    Nora did he steal the car or was his stolen, how old is he ? I'm just trying to get the picture. He honestly sounds like me when I was 16 . I DO NOT know how my mother lived through me.

                    MB I hope you don't get sick , and your son gets well fast !!!
                    I'm just coasting right now, feeling good about myself but have a bad lung infection. Yuck !
                    Be well all will check in tomorrow but will be away most of the weekend.
                    Stampede starts tomorrow( Calgary Stampede) and will be BBQ'ing at work for 300 people tomorrow. Then my mother in laws 80 birthday sat, which my sister in laws & I will be cooking for 125 people, & God knows what Sunday will bring we have so many guest from The west indies , & England its sure to be a crazy day wanting them to have the best time, I will probably lead a caravan to Bannf for the day, come home burnt out and go to work on Monday.
                    will check in when I can XOXO, AJ

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                      One Step at a Time - July 2012

                      AJ
                      my son does the same thing, but it's because he has seen me at my worst and he worries so
                      it makes me crazy, but I love him for it
                      have a great weekend
                      it makes me tired just reading it!!
                      I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                      Live in the Solution....not the problem

                      Comment


                        One Step at a Time - July 2012

                        Thanks guys. He is 25. And he has been doing so much better in the past year. Really seemed to have grown up. Being responsible. Taking care of his own issues. I just hate when he drinks so much. Scares me.
                        Oh - AJ, his car was stolen a couple weeks ago. So, we're dealing with the insurance company now. He has ordered a new phone that should be here in the next day or so.

                        AJ - sounds like you are going to be busy, busy this weekend. Have a good time.

                        Mama - hope your head is better. My head has been hurting for days. Think it's the allergies kicking up again.

                        Zen - I am about to go indulge in some dark chocolate, peanut M&M's. I'm going to enjoy every bite.
                        "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                        ..........
                        AF - 7-27-15

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                          One Step at a Time - July 2012

                          Of course you get some of the M&M's Zen. :H
                          "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                          ..........
                          AF - 7-27-15

                          Comment


                            One Step at a Time - July 2012

                            Glad you avoided it Zen. :l:h
                            "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                            ..........
                            AF - 7-27-15

                            Comment


                              One Step at a Time - July 2012

                              ok you two M & M hussies....where are mine??
                              love you both
                              orf to coffee.....................M & M's laters
                              I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                              Live in the Solution....not the problem

                              Comment


                                One Step at a Time - July 2012

                                You want more............ you'll get more


                                I'm so bored this morning I've even tidied them up.

                                Milk and 2 sugars in mine while your there MB.
                                It could be worse, I could be filing.
                                AF since 7/7/2009

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