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[starfairy]

hi everyone...tomorrow will be 5 months!!! my mom came to visit a couple of weeks ago and if you all remember back she is a huge drinker and her visits usually caused some serious binges, fights and guilt. it was hard to watch her be so high while she was here. she is mixing some meds along with drinking and then even attempted to drive my daughter up to the store...which i stopped! she has nothing to say about my sobriety but i did not expect much support from her anyway. one thing that really bothered the shit out of me is the way her beer took up space in my fridge. i know that is petty and when i was drinking there would be room for beer before milk but it just irked me and got in my way. one day she even left one in the freezer and it froze and leaked all over my ice.....also i joined a boot camp. i always thought i could never do it but i did and i survived. i am doing good. i am about 6 classes in..... no conviction yet on the DWI .still waiting for the cop not to show up so he can at least help me not get such a harsh conviction.

[K9Lover]

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Hi Star!!

It's good to hear from you. FIVE months...WOW, you are doing amazing! Sorry that you had such a struggle with your mom visiting. I remember the days where I would fill the fridge with beer but not leave room for milk...sad how selfish we are when we're in the throes of our addiction! I'm so proud of you though! Keep up the great work, and let us know how everything goes with court!

K9

[ronnie]

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Well done on your 5 months honey xxxx

[Kradle123]

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K9Lover;1345217 wrote: Hi Star!!

It's good to hear from you. FIVE months...WOW, you are doing amazing! Sorry that you had such a struggle with your mom visiting. I remember the days where I would fill the fridge with beer but not leave room for milk...sad how selfish we are when we're in the throes of our addiction! I'm so proud of you though! Keep up the great work, and let us know how everything goes with court!

K9

Congrats on 5 big ones, Star!!! :goodjob:

We are so selfish, K9. I remember, a long time ago, going to the home of my then BF's parents and he explained to me that his younger brother was just out of recovery. I still insisted on putting my bottle of wine in the fridge saying something incredibly self absorbed and clueless like, "Well, he' ll have to learn to live with people drinking eventually."
What an asshole I was... uch::

Your mom's behavior, Star, touched me as I have never spoken of That until just now and that was over 20 years ago.
The shame is still there.

Hugs,
:l

[K9Lover]

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Kradle -

I can't even begin to count the ways I was a selfish bitch when I was drinking. From denying my child things like going to her friends house because I knew later I wouldn't be able to drive, to turning down invitations to family functions because I'd rather sit home and drink alone. When we get sober, we realize the world doesn't revolve around us after all....

[mama bear]

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that is awesome Star.....really, really awesome
I would imagine your mom's visit just reinforced your decision...

[mama bear]

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I blew off a huge family reunion and many of my son's football games so I could drink

[LibraryGirl]

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Congrats on five months starfairy. Really, really inspiring.

I blew off a reunion this past weekend, and I wasn't drinking. I still don't really like spending time with my family and I don't have drinking as an excuse, so what's up with me, lol.

[mama bear]

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that's family for ya!

[FarfallaP]

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Hi StarFairy,

Thanks so much for checking in - the intensity of your grief 5 months ago reallly stuck me, and I am so glad for you that you are succeeding in your goals.

Human learning progresses in many ways, and sometimes I have learned from the good example set by my children...who knows, it might even work in this case!

In any event, congrats on the 5 months, & I also hope the policeman is a no-show, if that will help. FF

[allswell]

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Congratulations Star on 5 months and the bootcamp. I hope you are able to get the legal stuff behind you soon, it's never fun to have that black cloud hanging over. I also hope you are continuing with your art.

Take care

[Kradle123]

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LibraryGirl;1345267 wrote: Congrats on five months starfairy. Really, really inspiring.

I blew off a reunion this past weekend, and I wasn't drinking..

:H :HI needed That LG !

And K9 & Mama, That's why I come here :h .
So can I realise and I can know that I am no longer alone in this...this thing...

Hugs,

:l

[scottish lass]

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Huge congrats Star - one day I want to be you!!

[nicelife]

checking in

Oh Star!!! How bloody fabulous are you??? Well done and huge congrats!!!

Family can really push our 'get pissed' buttons huh? It seems that you have handled loads of triggers now and have won each time. You're a star for sure!

Love to see your posts!

Hugs, Nicey.

[TheSunFlower]

checking in

Congrats on 5 months! I truly believe the first year is the hardest. There is a book out there on the first year that I read....it is Hazelton book....and around AA....but, AA is not mentioned in it very much.

Its hard for me to admit what a selfish person I was. I never blew off a kids event....I guess because I heard it so many times in rooms of AA....and my Dad did it to me. So regardless of how hungover I was.....it was a strict rule not to miss it. But, in reality it was my disease fighting to stay alive....so I could have peace of mind (my ass) that I did not do that! But, in reality....I am not really "there" if I am battling a hangover....and as soon as the game is over...I would start drinking.

My best selfish moments:

My son requested that I not drink at his birthday dinner. I had all good intentions.....but, I was hungover from the day before. I needed some relief....and when I ordered that beer at his dinner...I watched him become dissapointed....shoulders slumped and a grim look on his face. I could see the tears well up. I continued to drink regardless. Selfish freaking bitch.

A friend of my husband's came to visit....and we went to lunch. I had never met him before, but he was very upfront about his not drinking. But, he did say his wife still drinks....but, it was ok because she spent years driving his "drunk ass" around. I had just gotten out of a "hot yoga class".....and out of the 4 us....I was the only one to drink (4 beers). They still come to town and never call us to meet them....Gosh, I wonder why?

I can't tell you the number of times I have made an excuse to not do something with my kids because I was hungover. Its too hot, its too cold, Dad will take you to the movie....

I am still coming to grips with this thing. But, the flashbacks of how seriously selfish I was....kills me. When we go to visit family...we stay at a friends house who is 20 years sober. I drink and hide it, which is easy because he is rarely there. He is off doing AA things. I sleep in his son's bed and I know I leave it smelling like booze. He must love getting into his bed after the SF has been there!

And all that stupidy is only the tip of the iceburg.....But, I would think seeing your Mom....as frustrating as it can be.....has to give you renewed motivation.