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    #1

    Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

    I am going to another AA meeting tomorrow at 8pm but I just don't know anymore...
    The person that suggested I go is an AA'er and this person is verrry pushy. I mentioned that I may not talk during the meeting (since it is closed) and this person said that I have to...because if I don't then I am in "denial"...WTF?
    Isn't it enough that I am going to begin with? When this person said this to me it turned me right off from going.

    Alas...I know that I have to go. I need to do something different and I at least need to try...even though half of me really doesn't want to go and is telling me that I am doing fine and why ruin a good thing?
    Why do I say ruin a good thing? Because for whatever reason when I leave AA meetings like the one I left last Friday I just wanted to drink. Weird. I know.

    I have bailed on this person so many times in the past...because I was never ready...and when I am finally ready and say that I will be going this person starts saying pushy things that make me want to turn my back on the whole thing. Such as: "You're an alcoholic!!" (Um...I thought we were supposed to figure that out, not someone else...that is entirely different topic though) and "If you don't get out of your comfort zone then nothing is going to change and you will just go back to drinking."
    Um...? I realize this but only meetings isn't going to "save" me.
    And: "You have anxiety over this but you will feel better once you talk."
    No. You're right there...I have anxiety because I have anxiety. I have dealt with it my entire life...it's not a result of drinking...it has made it worse WHILE I drink; yes...but it's not going to make it go away once I talk.

    I know that if I don't go and bail again - then we won't talk again.
    But at the same time, don't PUSH your program on me.

    My rant.
    Thanks for listening.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

    i cant stand pushy-ness. tell the person to back off and if they no longer want to be in contact with you after then they really did not have your best interest at heart, only theirs. can you go to another AA meeting somewhere else? i have never tried one but have been to group meeting that were part of a substance abuse class that i had to take for my DWI. i actually enjoyed them but it was my only time to talk about what was going on with me since i did not want anyone to know about the DWI and my issues with alcohol, but we were not forced to admit anything or to be as extreme as AA can be. now that my classes are over i have thought about going to AA but just don't think it is for me. i am 5 months sober and still feel strong but will do whatever i have to do if i start to waiver even if it is an attempt at AA.
    I must suppress the beast within so I can find my way out of the darkness.
    sober since 2/4/12

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      #3
      Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

      Hi briseus,

      I'm not a regular AA-er but I occasionally go to meetings. It took me a few attempts to find meetings I was comfortable with, and that's important. You don't want to feel uncomfortable about going.

      I've been to meetings with 60-odd people and if everyone spoke it would take DAYS. I've also been to very small meetings where it would have been difficult not to say something because there were so few people. So maybe you could hunt out larger meetings so you can "disappear" in the crowd for a while? And try going to a few without your friend and see if that works better?

      By the way, it's not uncommon for people to want to drink after a meeting. You're facing up to difficult emotions... and how do you usually deal with that? Exactly. I found it helps to go to the gym straight after if you can and take it out on the machines.
      sigpic
      AF since December 22nd 2008
      Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

      Comment

        #4
        Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

        Good Morning Bri::

        Are there other types of recovery meetings near you besides AA??
        Rational Recovery for example? AA is absolutely not your only alternative . There are plenty of others and for whatever reasons, the people in your immediate orbit seem to be more a hindrance to your recovery than an asset.

        There are also magazines devoted to recovery and of course google for groups near you.
        Let us know how it goes. I know it's all MUCH easier typed than DONE !!
        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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          #5
          Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

          Bri - you've got some good advise here. I have tried a few different meetings. I did find a Women's meeting where I was comfortable and went to that one several times. I can certainly see how that works for some people. But, I have been to a few where I was very uncomfortable and felt very 'pushed' by people. The important thing is to find your comfortable place where you feel the support and encouragement. :h
          "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
          ..........
          AF - 7-27-15

          Comment

            #6
            Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

            dealing with pushy people

            I thought your counselor was the one who suggested going to meetings? There are alternatives to AA: SMART recovery and Women for Sobriety.

            But maybe you will be a person who takes what they need and leaves the rest at AA, including this pushy attitude and dogmatic approach. Briseus you sound like an individual to me. You think for yourself. I am reading a great book at the moment called Breaking Addiction by Lance Dodes. Your friend is the opposite. She needs a very structured approach and she may be addicted to meetings now. She's not thinking outside the box but she's succeeding so that's something to consider.

            I reflected the other day about one of your other posts, it made me think a lot. What I came up with is that addiction is very hard for people who are individuals. The recovery scene is the opposite, it's group speak. And clearly you are giving up control when you drink. You recover the next day and whoever you hurt has control over you. Your friend now has control over you. You go to meetings where you are labeled as diseased and introduce yourself with the label. It made me think again about how incompatible drinking is with someone who is an individual. Maybe that will help you in your resolve not to drink again.

            Comment

              #7
              Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

              Bri I've been to loads of aa meetings and some of them could put a person off for life
              I rarely talk
              I have announced myself as "Corinne, and I'm not sure"
              And no-one has complained.
              If it feels bad then you know it's not the meeting for you, they are all so different. Honestly even if I was desperate there is one meeting on my "I will never walk into again" list.

              Now I'm in a situation where I have met a couple of people in AA but because something unknown inside me is just stopping me from heading off into the 12 steps, I'm in a bit of a dead end place

              Good luck
              I have a drink problem, I have been AF since 15 March 2011 and I am working hard to stay that way

              They don't call me Pingu Purple Pants for nothing....

              Comment

                #8
                Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

                Bri,

                MWO got me started in my sobriety but I found I needed face to face interaction and I get that at AA. Having said that AA is a "program of attraction rather than promotion". It is a basic tenet of AA and may sound familiar. You friend seems to have forgotten that. The other thing you should understand is that the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking...that is it. It is from the Big Book (the AA Bible if you will) and it is universal. There is nothing that you HAVE to do. You don't have to share, you don't have to work the steps (they are suggestions), you don't have to stand around and chat afterwards. You determine if you are alcoholic or not.

                If you think that you need additional support, AA can be a great place to find it. You will know pretty quickly which meetings and which people resonate with you. Personally, I steer clear of people who try to "sell" me a program which isn't meant to be sold.

                Best,
                Beck

                Sometimes you get there in spite of your route, losing track of your life and what it's about, the road seems to know when to straighten right out...Mary Chapin Carpenter

                Comment

                  #9
                  Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

                  Find another AA meeting and another person if need be. Depending where you live you should have lots of options. Even where I am at there options although I did not find one I personally liked.

                  Don't go just to go and be uncomfortable. You need to find one that helps you.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

                    Thank you everyone for all the responses...I am going to try and address them all as well as I can in my post here.

                    My counsellor did suggest I go to some meetings before my next appointment...to get a "feel" for it; if you will. The first one as I have mentioned before was a bit of a disaster..and I was going to go to the youth one the next night but I was in a good place and just didn't want to go. I decided that I was going to try out at least two so I reached out to this person (that I have been talking about)...but that's just it.
                    Attraction rather then promotion.
                    That is exactly what we talked about at the women's meeting that I went to...but really...what is the point of talking about it at the meeting?? It sounded exactly like watching some sort of promo commercial on TV about AA and I was sitting there and feeling odd about the whole thing.

                    I do agree that I am the type of person who will take bits and pieces away from things and form my own path. I agree when people say "take what you want and leave the rest". I have tried to live by that all my life in general.

                    I got a few more messages tonight...that I shouldn't be "afraid"...
                    I am NOT afraid! I'm not scared! I know that I am not the only one dealing with this when I go to this meeting...am I nervous? Yes. Am I ready? I don't know!! I just started this entire thing and of course it feels odd and out of place...
                    I understand the whole "nothing changes if nothing changes"...but my gaaaaawdd...when people say that to me I'm thinking "YOU DON'T KNOW ME" - you don't know what I have been trying or haven't been trying...of course I will say this to people that first begin to dip their toes into sobriety...because I learned that part the hard way but I have been working my ass off the past 2 weeks.

                    I agree. I can't go feeling uncomfortable.
                    And I shouldn't allow anyone to push this on me.

                    Everything you all made a lot of sense...and it will be great for anyone to read this - not just me. Because I am sure that I am not the only one that has experienced this - as some of you have as well.

                    I will sign off by saying that I am going to go...because I told myself I would.
                    If I don't like it, I don't have to go again.

                    The only unfortunate thing about this entire thing is that when people push you - you just don't want to try it at all again...because if you don't follow what they say; or if you slip - you feel like shit...and "hopeless".
                    This isn't the case! I know this! But you really need to be strong to realize this...and when you're early in sobriety, well...it can get tricky.

                    Wish me luck friends; I will keep you posted.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

                      Good luckBr.

                      and bring a big bag of Peanut M&m's...

                      :l

                      Nite:bedtime::
                      On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                      *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

                        Good luck Bri......keep us posted!
                        AB Club Member
                        AB Start Date - 7/25/12

                        10 Months AF - 5/24/13 :yay:


                        :heart:I would rather be addicted to my horses than alcohol:heart:

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                          #13
                          Another Meeting Tomorrow But...

                          Thank you D. I will.
                          I am so nervous now. I don't want to go anymore! But I can't bail...only 2 hours or so to go...

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