Resentment

[Flip]

It's day 82 and I've had a really awful day... not because of what's happened, but how I reacted to it. I have spent all day driving my two teens around from place to place. I haven't had to do that for a while because the eldest has her driver's licence but her car isn't going. And with no surprise I found myself really hating it. I have just started to get used to doing my own thing, to go anywhere without too much worry about what they are doing or needing.

I was filled with resentment. I felt that not only lost an entire day of my precious weekend, but that I was being punished by spending it in the car with two ungrateful teens.

I was so angry and resentful that I yelled at them both (seperately) and then it hit me.....

I WANTED A DRINK.

I let this one insignficant day nearly drive me back into the pit.

Good God, what's going to happen if I really DO have a BAD day???

The good news is that I didn't have one, but spent the time working out what was triggering the craving. RESENTMENT, FATIGUE, HUNGER, LACK OF EXERCISE..... (I think this is one of the AA things they talk about avoiding)

[Popeye]

Resentment

Hi Flip,
I can relate to your post.
I'm nowhere near your achievement in terms of AF days, but I find that I get really irritable come 'drink o'clock', without realising why.
My wife knows though.
More often than not, I'll give in and allow myself a drink to calm myself down.
It must be an addiction thing.....

[Rags]

Resentment

Flip,
Like Popeye, I'm nowhere near as AF as you.
Maybe this was a bad day.
But look, you worked out what was triggering.
So you yelled at them. So you can also say sorry for yelling at them.
That has to be easier than saying sorry to yourself after giving in and going on a bender.
Teens are ungrateful, and at about age 15 boys can only grunt, and then with their back to you.
Try not no let it get you down.
Maybe the car breaking dowqn was a good thing as it let you appreciate the freedom you have been having.
I dunno, just a thought.

Popeye, I now have another new word. drink o'clock. Good one !
Totally unrelated but did you know that our nation's greatest poet's family lived and farmed in your part of Scotland, and not only founded the Clydesdale breed of horses, but had another ancestor who founded the Bank of England. And he is on the back of our $10 note. I'm sure you'll be able to use this amazing piece of incosequential knowledge at some time in the future.
And I think I got the apostrophes in the right places.

Flip, I enlarged the taps a bit in blue. Want yellow next week?

[Flip]

Resentment

What I realised just after I posted this (while hanging out five loads of washing 9pm at night) was that i should have taken the buddist approach to today - put love into every action and take time to enjoy what you are doing (or whatever it is!) - preparing a meal, hanging out the washing and driving my beautiful healthy girls around. I realised how selfish I was today - I should have been grateful to get the opportunity to spend precious time with them instead of worrying about my precious weekend.

the reason I had to drive one around was to get her hair done, get new shoes, pick up her boyfriend, get her lunch.... all of this was necessary because she was nominated for a very high award in amature theatre !! How lucky! Not for her, but because I have a wonderful, beautfil child who is out there doing things and making other people happy. She also works with younger kids and is now the Assistant producer for a theatre group for 8 to 15 year olds. And I got the shits???? unbelievable!!!

i need a smack on the head!

yellow is great Rags - nice and bright - you put a bit of sunshine in our little lives. :-) I'll have a look at the taps again - although I didnt ( I wrote "dont" first) drink beer even when I was desperate! lol

[Popeye]

Resentment

Rags,
I have to admit, I had no idea who might be Australia's Greatest Poet, so I "googled" it and found 'Banjo' Paterson. I do like a good bit of poetry, but it's one of those things that's put aside for later. I read "The Man from Snowy Mountain" five minutes ago......brilliant.
Thanks for the nudge.
Flip,
I'm glad you worked it out.

Paul

[southernbelle47]

Resentment

Flip......buddist don't have a corner on the "Love" market!!!

I love to hang out laundry in the sunshine!
It's almost a spiritual experience around here!

:goodjob: on your AF days!!
:h Nancy

[lorisunshine]

Resentment

Nancy,
I am with you on the laundry thing. I love to hang it in the sunshine and bring it in when it oozes ozone all over the house. Unfortunately, my neighbors think I cannot afford to run my dryer. Duh.

Flip - you go girl.
L

[southernbelle47]

Resentment




Bring on that sunshine!!

[gabby]

Resentment

Flip, I absoultly understand this. In spite of my recent situation with my ex having my two older children living with him right now - even tho he has them mad at me - I am secretly very happy that he has to deal with the daily stuff that you are talkin about. It is very hard getting through this. Teens just go through their life with not a concern yet workin us it seems like every second of the day. They are fine. They get to adulthood fresh and ready to go shile us moms are a worn out rag on the side of the road by then.

No excuses - but its not a wonder we have issues.

I went to our family doctor the other day for more medication (lol) and he said, "you still havent drank in 9 months? Are you feeling sucicidal"? I told him no but that I just wanted to run away at times. He said, "your holdin up quite well"!
Guess I gotta just laugh.

Anyway, I am so glad you made it through yet anther test. Good for you Flip.
Keep up your determination and you will win. (I keep on tellin that to me)

[gabby]

Resentment

And also even tho they are beautiful and healthy.....its IS ok for us to feel a little resentful at times too.

Some where some how....ya gotta feel like ya fit into the scheme of things - ya know. Thats when I personally feel like I am losing myself and then start to let things go inside of me. And start to not take care of me.
And THATS when things really start turnin to shit.

Like the old sayin goes.....they cant be beautiful and healthy if your arent!

And even tho it seems like they have their own lives and dont need us....really they do!

[mikeupnorth]

Resentment

Flip, it's wonderful to see how you were able to turn your thinking around from the negative to the positive on this situation. And I'm glad you didn't cave in and drink before seeing that this was actually a blessing for you...

Too bad we can't see the positive more often while we are actually in the situation, isn't it?