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    #1

    Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

    I am well on the way to completing the first 30 days of my plan to eliminate alcohol from my life. So far, considering the circumstances, it's been remarkably easy. I am in the midst of alcohol every day and every evening of my life. So, it's a minor miracle or I am just ready for my final quit. It'll be 30 days on July 20th and I'll be buying a lovely pair of gold earrings to celebrate.

    As some of you know, my alcoholic mother is gravely ill on the other side of the country (Canada) from me. I am leaving for Vancouver on Thursday to spend 10 days with her at the hospital. She has become cantankerous and very selfish with this illness; not sure if it's the medication or her true nature. It doesn't matter.

    I am going to post here daily or as often as I can. Last year I was in Vancouver in a eerily similar situation and caved after 14 or 15 days A/F.

    This is not going to happen this time but it's going to be tough.

    Bear with me as I ride out this stressful few weeks and never let me consider moderation as I never want this damn monkey on my back again as long as I live. You know the "Should I, why not, just a glass" Monkey??

    For those considering putting in the first 30 days here's what has changed:

    The whites of my eyes have returned to the lovely white colour and the redness is gone
    I have dropped 5 pounds in 21 days
    I have accomplished so much spiritual reading in the past three weeks
    I have meditated daily without fail
    I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go

    ... and this is only after 21 days... life is great and getting better daily.

    Until tomorrow ...
    Tipplerette

    I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
    ? Lao-Tzu
    Tags: None
    #2
    Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

    Tipp...I'm so happy that you are enjoying the AF life! Moderating is torture, at least it was for me.

    Back at the end of May, my brother had spinal surgery. The next day, my 89 year old dad fell INTO the bathtub. We thought we were going to lose him. It was major stress everywhere I turned...but I could HANDLE it. I was THERE for my family and present to make decisions and see to it that people got to where they needed to be. I was a go-to person, instead of a run-from drunk.

    This past Sunday, my best friend from high school was visiting a nearby beach for vacation. She called me at 5:30 and I was able to meet her at our hospital, drive to another hospital only to find that her husband had passed from a massive heart attack. We got back here to my home at 11:00, and I was present and accounted for. Turning to AL these past few weeks would have been easy...but to MATTER so much to so many is priceless. I made a difference and people knew they could depend on ME.

    I'll be damned if AL is going to take one more day of my life. It is way too short as it is. You hang strong with us...you can do it. B
    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
    Tool Box
    Newbie's Nest

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      #3
      Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

      Thanks, Byrdlady, if you can do it, so can I. Being present is what it's all about eh.. Not drinking again. Period.
      Tipplerette

      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
      ? Lao-Tzu

      Comment

        #4
        Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

        Tipp - you sound so great. Good idea to keep posting & staying in touch here. Sending you lots of positive energy to help you thru this time. :l
        "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
        ..........
        AF - 7-27-15

        Comment

          #5
          Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

          Thanks, Nora, feeling positive and want to keep the energy flowing.. your cyber energy gift has been received with gratitude.
          Tipplerette

          I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

          "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
          ? Lao-Tzu

          Comment

            #6
            Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

            Just wanted to add my support ((((TIpp))))

            Comment

              #7
              Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

              Hi Tipp.

              First let me say congratulations on 21 days AF. I have followed your posts on and off and I know that you have struggled somewhat, so it is good to see you chalking up the days.

              I am sorry to hear about your mother. I've been in a similar situation with my Mother-in-Law so I can sympathize with you. But AL will never make a bad situation better. Keep concentrating on the positive things you posted above - especially the feeling refreshed part. AL will only leave you feeling tired and worn out and fed up with yourself. AF, you will be able to cope with your mother's needs and all the stress that is involved. Whenever you think that you'd like a drink or that a drink would help, remember that it is only the stinking drinking talk, the alcoholic part of your mind trying to get you to take that first drink. Concentrate on how many days you have AF, how much better you feel and how pretty your new gold earrings will look. Most of all, concentrate how proud you feel that you are getting that damn monkey off your back and won't let him back up. Visualize kicking the little beggar in the butt. Even give a good kick in the air if it helps. Just make sure you're not close to anything and injure your foot.:H

              Best of luck with the days ahead. I think your idea of posting here daily or as often as you can is a good idea. You know that whenever you log in to post, someone, somewhere will be here that you can connect with - people who understand those AL thoughts. Positive thoughts coming your way. And a few :huggy's too...
              For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
              AF since 10/10/2015:yay:

              Comment

                #8
                Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

                Thanks, Hart & Stirly, yes I sure have struggled. I don't think anyone is as wishy washy as I have been in the PAST. The only thing that scares me is the idiotic thoughts that come up without warning telling me that a beer at the pub with my brother who I see once a year would be just fine... and it is .. except that the next day or so I will be again allowing myself a treat and then the next day my sister shows up; we pop open a bottle of red and that's fine until a day later when I automatically reach for the bottle to pour a glass of red to accompany my mac and cheese... you know the drill. That innocent little "Cheers" in the pub with my brother is the beginning of the end of my sobriety and the start of the viscious cycle all over again. So my sobriety is a very fragile, delicate flower that I have to protect, nuture and respect at all times.

                Back soon.
                Tipplerette

                I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                ? Lao-Tzu

                Comment

                  #9
                  Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

                  Tipplerette;1348372 wrote: Thanks, Hart & Stirly, yes I sure have struggled. I don't think anyone is as wishy washy as I have been in the PAST. The only thing that scares me is the idiotic thoughts that come up without warning telling me that a beer at the pub with my brother who I see once a year would be just fine... and it is .. except that the next day or so I will be again allowing myself a treat and then the next day my sister shows up; we pop open a bottle of red and that's fine until a day later when I automatically reach for the bottle to pour a glass of red to accompany my mac and cheese... you know the drill. That innocent little "Cheers" in the pub with my brother is the beginning of the end of my sobriety and the start of the viscious cycle all over again. So my sobriety is a very fragile, delicate flower that I have to protect, nuture and respect at all times.

                  Back soon.
                  Tipp, you have to change the habitual thinking and doing. Go somewhere else with your brother. Stroll around a museum, an art show, a zoo. You can still talk and enjoy each other's company but with no AL involved. And as for allowing yourself a "treat" the next day. AL is not a treat. Alcohol is poison. You poison your body a bit every day with every drink you take. You wouldn't "treat" yourself to poison so why look at the poison AL as a "treat"? Put a special AF drink in the fridge and reach for it instead of the red wine with the mac and cheese. Change the way you look at AL. Look at it as the enemy, as the poison it is, not as a "treat". I love what you said above about your sobriety being a fragile, delicate flower that you need to protect and nurture. You have finally realized what you need to do. I am sure that this time things will be very different for you and so very much more positive. You're pulling up your inner strength and that will get you through the next while. Again, best of luck. And :l:l
                  For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
                  AF since 10/10/2015:yay:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

                    Correct, as usual my friend. Definitely have to pack my tea bags. Alcohol is not a treat; was just remembering the old mindset. Gotcha about all the stinkin' thinkin' ... have a great rest of the day.
                    Tipplerette

                    I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                    ? Lao-Tzu

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

                      you can do this!!!! my alcoholic mother was just here for a week and yes it was rough but it also put another brick on my sober foundation because that is not how i want to end up. please do not cave. keep up with your reading and meditating. it sounds like you are on a good path.
                      I must suppress the beast within so I can find my way out of the darkness.
                      sober since 2/4/12

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

                        Hi Tipplerette,

                        Just want you to know I'm thinking of you & sending you lots of positive energy & thoughts. You can do this, you can over come. You can change your thinking. Alcohol is poison for many of us!. You have made it this far & you can keep going!... You have lots of people here who will support you, cheer you on!.... People who've traveled this road & understand. Hang on to their strength & wisdom. Post, read here each day & know that you are never alone on this journey!... You are worth living an AF life, a happy & healthy life, the one your meant to have!. The one we are all meant to live! You are all ready reaping the benefits!

                        I think it's a great idea to reward yourself! When I was at OP-Rehab, they wanted us to do this every wk. Just something small. My first month here I didn't treat myself. This last month here I did. I went & had a deluxe pedi, even had a special flower done on my toe, also had a mani. Pretty soon it will be my 60 days, Going to get a massage. I'm worth it & so are you. We all are!.... :l

                        I haven't been to an AA meeting in either 2 or 3 yrs this month, can't honestly remember. But, I still stay in contact with my Grandma sponsor who is now 81, she has 40+ yrs of sobriety & is a hoot!.... She sends out daily messages to woman. She sent me one a wk ago or so & I thought of you. It's about detachment. It's from, From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. It's older, but the message is good imo. If you want I can copy, paste & send it to you in a PM. Let me know, or if anybody else wants it.

                        Take Care Of You ! Congrats on 21 days!

                        Wildflowers :h

                        Done With Alcohol 5/23/12

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

                          Hi Tips and Stirly,

                          I've watched both of you throughout your journey and I think you are both absolutely awesome!

                          You've made hard decisions, you've committed, you've planned and you've be strong. That's what does it. This isn't something that comes easy in the beginning and I just love the analogy of sobriety being like a delicate flower to be nurtured and respected. So true! As time goes on, sobriety becomes a natural state and (for me) the idea of drinking is a weird thought now and again. As you may know I thought I'd try to mod scene after many years of being grog free. Not a good idea or outcome. Soon I'll be one year AF again.

                          I guess the points I wanted to share with you are, you're where you are because of hard work, tenacity and a firm resolve for a better life. You should be soooo proud of what you've achieved and celebrate yourself every single day!

                          Well done, and I wish you well with the impending stress Tips!!

                          Lots of love and hugs, Nicelife.
                          It is not what we do, but how much love we put into the doing.
                          Mother Theresa

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

                            Tippler, you know I am in the same place with you, done for Good. Period. Not worth the struggle. There is strength in numbers, here. You seem to have a good plan to cope.
                            My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Heading into Major Stress !! Need Strength!

                              Hi Tipps:
                              My thoughts are with you as you deal with your mother's illness. I remember this time last year when us Pinksters were exercising and staying AF. We can do it again. I have struggled too but have managed to stay mostly sober. You are right about the stinkin thinkin, one drink and the next thing you know the same old pattern starts again. It is just not worth it to moderate. It is much more enjoyable to wake up in the morning without a headache. Keep posting and let us know how you are managing with your mom.
                              R4L
                              Don't worry, be happy!

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