Sobriety - and feeling left out...

[briseus]

I guess I just need to do a little bit of venting on here...I haven't been on here for a while and have to stay close if I want to keep at my sobriety.
So, it is day 26 for me today...and of course I have had my ups and downs. Irritable one day. Happy the next. Bored the day after. Tired....just about everything. And it is definitely interesting having to deal with all these emotions...feelings; without alcohol.

Lately I have been feeling sorta left out when it comes to the boyfriend, his family, friends and such...I don't know. Am I not fun anymore or something? I also think too much I guess...I am always worried that people don't like me. Maybe not necessarily with or without booze but I care honestly way too much about what others think of me as a person. I always feel like I am doing something wrong...and then I feel like a piece of crap.
So then the idea of drinking pops into my head to deal with these feelings of inadequacy and feeling plain left out.

I don't know. I guess I am rambling.
I will not drink...but I was wondering if anyone else has just let people walk all over them all the time.
And just worried about what others think of me...

I don't know. I am just rambling.

Thanks for listening to my bullcrap.

Bri.

[Supercrew]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

It's not rambling Bri. They are feelings that you are feeling. Sort of cool really. I was able to drink most of my feelings away for 27 years....but over the last 2 I have been able to embrace them, and face up to them, and sometimes challenge them and even change them.

Believe it or not everyone has them, and as a drinker I was able to hide and dull them and sometimes mute them....which in reality is a big waste. Why is it a waste? Because feelings are life happening around you. They are why we are here, and I have found that now I can control them and keep them positive a majority of the time.

Can you imagine what it was like not to feel for 27 years? I missed alot, and I am doing alot of catching up now and I love it....even when they aren't positive because I learned to cope with them and I'm a much stronger and better man for it.

And for the record now that I don't drink no one walks all over me...unless I let them, I'm alot smarter sober. They probably walked all over you when you were drinking too, you just didn't care to notice.

Have a great sober weekend!

[Kradle123]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

briseus;1352734 wrote: I guess I just need to do a little bit of venting on here...I haven't been on here for a while and have to stay close if I want to keep at my sobriety.
So, it is day 26 for me today...and of course I have had my ups and downs. Irritable one day. Happy the next. Bored the day after. Tired....just about everything. And it is definitely interesting having to deal with all these emotions...feelings; without alcohol.

Lately I have been feeling sorta left out when it comes to the boyfriend, his family, friends and such...I don't know. Am I not fun anymore or something? I also think too much I guess...I am always worried that people don't like me. Maybe not necessarily with or without booze but I care honestly way too much about what others think of me as a person. I always feel like I am doing something wrong...and then I feel like a piece of crap.
So then the idea of drinking pops into my head to deal with these feelings of inadequacy and feeling plain left out.

I don't know. I guess I am rambling. I will not drink...but I was wondering if anyone else has just let people walk all over them all the time.
And just worried about what others think of me...

I don't know. I am just rambling.

Thanks for listening to my bullcrap.

Bri.

Hi Bri:

It's so gooood to see you back :l
And you're not rambling and it definately isn't BS!

I have only one point to make here with regards to your question, Lately I have been feeling sorta left out when it comes to the boyfriend, his family, friends and such...I don't know. Am I not fun anymore or something?

Bri, did it ever occur to you, even just a tiny bit that it's not YOU that's not fun anymore, it's THEM...because now you are seeing them for the first time with out Alcohol glasses (as someone called them) Not to make a direct comparison but maybe it's a bit like when you drink alot at a bar and leave with someone you wouldnt ordinarily well, leave with...And then you wake up sober the next morning and...

Given the scenerio you have descibed about your living situation, your boyfriend and his family, you may want to consider this possibility a little more closely...:h

Hugs nd Sleep well:l

[Sober Visitor]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

Hi Bri,

I can really relate to those feelings. Sometimes my inner roommate is very active telling me all kinds of stuff that isn't true. The trick for me is to recognize the difference. How come yesterday my inner roommate told me everything was great and I was wonderful, and today it's telling me no one likes me, all because I'm not drinking.

Hogwash!

Truthfully, as you have recognized, our emotions can be all over the place in the beginning and seem so intense, but they will even out as you become more comfortable in your sober skin. If you're questioning whether you're on the right path, I can assure you that you are. How you are when you are drinking is not the real you. It's what helped to put your self-esteem in the gutter, and it will continue to do so if you go back to that way of life. Sobriety will help you to build your self-esteem back up. It will give you something to be proud of and allow you to be present to live your life more fully and follow your heart's desire whatever that may be for you.

I think the bigger question is why you are feeling left out. Are you really being left out, or is it your inner roommate feeding you lies. If it's your inner roommate, don't give it that power over you. Try working with positive affirmations to counteract the negative tapes that play in your head, but also look for the truth in the messages that keep repeating themselves. Sometimes they are being replayed because we're not listening and doing what we need to do to better our lives. Sometimes they are being played to tear us down. Just as we know that nobody else can give us sobriety, nobody can give us self-esteem either. Those are gifts we have to give to ourselves, and the more we work on developing them, the more rewards we will reap.

If you like to read, pick up The Power of Now and The Untethered Soul and maybe some of Karen Casey's books: Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow and It's Up to You are two of my favorites. Think of other things you can do to help build yourself back up. Take a class that you're interested in, explore some new hobbies, do some volunteer work, commune with nature, anything to get out of your cocoon. Maybe give AA another try, so you can expand your support system so that you’re not so reliant on just your BF, but call them first to explain your situation--that you're a young person just starting out in sobriety and had a bad first experience. Maybe they can help to direct you to the meetings that would be better suited for you.

You've got so much life ahead of you, Bri, and so much to look forward to, but we all have an expiration date. If you don't love your life, and that's a repeating message for you, it's a sign that something's wrong and you need to make some changes in order to break the cycle of just existing and going through the motions. You've taken the first and most important step by getting sober, but the work doesn't end there. It’s really just the beginning. Now you get to rebuild your life and make it one that will make you proud and bring you all the peace and happiness you deserve. I wish that for you.

Sheri

[Struggles 106]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

HEY BRIS

I know what you mean...BUT you have made a great decision for yourself. Part of that is clearing your head and facing the negative messages in there and getting rid of them.

Other people aren't living your life. What they think has no bearing on the quality of your life. Only you knwo what you need to do.

Drinking is such a HUGE part of our social culture that there is no getting away from it. We have to face it head-on and just say NO-it's not for me. It may be OK for others but it is not for me. It will ruin my life if I let it, and I am damn sure not going to let it.

And I don't think you are either. Stay strong!!

[Byrdlady]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

I agree with all...but Kradle's nailed it in my mind, too... I find that I have almost 'outgrown' my hard-drinking friends...it's like that's the only thing that held us together and now that that's not there...I don't see what the attraction ever was. I am looking thru a different set of eyes. I am less tolerant of people that just want to get stupid. There is so much more to do and see and feel than that. Things will even out, and you will come to terms and be more comfortable in your own sober skin. It takes time....but so worth it.

[dixon]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

briseus;1352734 wrote: I guess I just need to do a little bit of venting on here...I haven't been on here for a while and have to stay close if I want to keep at my sobriety.
So, it is day 26 for me today...and of course I have had my ups and downs. Irritable one day. Happy the next. Bored the day after. Tired....just about everything. And it is definitely interesting having to deal with all these emotions...feelings; without alcohol.

Lately I have been feeling sorta left out when it comes to the boyfriend, his family, friends and such...I don't know. Am I not fun anymore or something? I also think too much I guess...I am always worried that people don't like me. Maybe not necessarily with or without booze but I care honestly way too much about what others think of me as a person. I always feel like I am doing something wrong...and then I feel like a piece of crap.
So then the idea of drinking pops into my head to deal with these feelings of inadequacy and feeling plain left out.

I don't know. I guess I am rambling.
I will not drink...but I was wondering if anyone else has just let people walk all over them all the time.
And just worried about what others think of me...

I don't know. I am just rambling.

Thanks for listening to my bullcrap.

Bri.

HI BRI
,Believe it or not ME I WAS THINKING DITTO LIKE YOU WHEN I LOST ALL OF MY FAMILY DUE TO ALCOHOL AS HIGHLIGHTED IN RED.I WAS NEARLY TO DEATH THE THOUGHTS WERE DARK AND THERE WERE NO WAY OUT THEN, I CAME HERE AND HUNG ON..BUT NOW I CAN FACE THEM A LITTLE BIT AND CONFIDENCE IS GETTING STRONGER.I AM STILL LIVING ALONE AND ENJOYING AS WELL.AS PER ME WE MUST HAVE SOME TECHNIQUES TO LIVE UNATTACHED TO ANYONE.I WAS ATTACHED TO MY FAMILY AND SOCIETY SO I WAS IN MISERY. IT DOESNOT MEAN NOT TO CARE ANYONE CARE BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPEN WRONG WITH THEM ACCEPT IT JUST ACCEPT IT, AND REMEMBER TO DO SO WE MUST FEED OUR BODY AND MIND CORRECTLY.I WAS SCARED WITH OTHERS CAUSE I WAS LIVING WITH LOW SELF ESTEEM CAUSE OF ALCOHOL....NOW I AM MUCH BETTER AND HAVING COPING SKILLS FROM THE SOURCE AS SAID BY SHERI HERE !!
IF WE BEEN SINCERE TO OUR BODY , WE WILL AUTOMATICALLY WILL BE SINCERE TO THE LOVED ONE !!!
TO SHARE HAPPINESS TO OTHERS FIRST WE MUST BE HAPPY...OTHERWISE THERE WOULD NOT BE ANY SOURCE.,
SO STAY COOL AND SOBER EVERYTHING COMES EASIER AND YOU WILL START OTHERS SEEING YOU BY DIFFERENT/POSITIVE WAY .ITS ALL ABOUT OUR SELF ESTEEM AND WE CANT GET THIS WITH ALCOHOL FOR LONG RUN...
NEVER BACK TO AL FOR ANY REASON HUN....BEST OF LUCK !

dIX

[dixon]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

BRI,

I AM NOW ADDICTED TO MUSIC AND MEDITATION , LISTENING DISCOURSES,DANCING OWN MY WAY AND MORE TIME FOR JOB ...
ITS GETTING WONDERFUL AND NOW I AM THINKING MY FAMILY.
WITH AL , I DINT HAVE HAPPINESS SO I WERE PUTTING MY FAMILY IN MISERY..
DIX

[briseus]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

Hey everyone - just wanted to thank you for the replies. I am doing a bit better. I still need to work on things but everyones replies hit home and I completely understand all that you are all saying.

I will make sure to check out the books suggested and whatnot.

I need to stay on here...I have been a tad distant for whatever reason.
I am still fighting this annoying brain fog and trying to keep busy and active.

I hope you all are doing well.

xo

Bri

[dixon]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

Bri,
You are just with your boy friend,I don't know how are you involved in social works?
For me I am highly associated with society and extended Family,so its very hard to maintain all.Apartfrom these I have two kids of 14 and 10 years ole.g.
I was unhappy when I was with Family and children while having alcohol,but now more happier than that and missing all of them making me stronger to stay AF.My willing power has been raised,cause I have to show all of them being different.
So I don't compromise my sobriety to any other.I will get all those things back if I maintain my sobriety.
That's all..
If your boy friend does not want you see sober then I suggest deal with him only with sobriety not altering the mind.I am sure he will realise and you will live your life happier...
Hang on with sobriety Bri,
Dix

[Janice]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

Bri I can really associate with what you're saying....I'm also guilty of thinking too much and taking things far too personally often feeling left out & that I have nothing of value to add- whether it was the alcohol robbing me of my self esteem & confidence or whether its just the way I am, I dont know....I'm in the process of finding out. What I do know is that life is much less complicated when I'm AF. Best of luck..xx

[BakerExtraordinaire]

Sobriety - and feeling left out...

Bri, I definitely understand where you're coming from. As others on here have said, though, do you really miss being a part of that type of socialization? The drinking, the lying to yourself, the hangovers, the regret? Maybe your boyfriend and his family don't have problems with alcohol. Maybe they do, and have yet to "see the light" . What matters most is YOUR sobriety and your happiness. I think it's possible to still have fun in those social situations where others are drinking, but it might also be wise to seek out recovery groups in your area, or meetup.com groups...just to have something different, non-alcohol-centered to do.