Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

[Kradle123]

Deleted

[Zeppie2]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

Hi Kradle - congrats on your 36 days - I think the answer to your question is that only time will tell - but alcohol certainly exaggerates most moods as you already know. I had a panic at around 3 months that I was just a moody horrible girl after giving up alcohol but after two stints of being AF for over a year I have realised I am not that bad.

I do still have a shortish fuse when it comes to temper but now that I am not drinking I can keep myself in check and not 'kick off' at every little thing.

Stick with AF and find out for yourself and perhaps your husband will be proven wrong.

Hope that helps.

[satz123]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

Hi Kradle. Please do not listen to him. You are not a horrible person. Why do you get moody. Are you try Ing to change him in some way? If you are. Stop. Focus on you. What feels good will usually work out best. Not good to try to change someone else's behaviour so it makes you feel better. Let them live their life even if you dont agree with it. and you every day concentrate on what thoughts feel good to YOU and you will get peace.

[Byrdlady]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

I agree with Z and S...Alcohol is The Great Magnifier. It exagerates and then exploits tendancies...(my opinion of myself). I think that when one person is growing and changing for the better, it's threatening to the other person who has no where to go. I think his words may be out of fear that you are outgrowing him...and that you won't need him once you get this Beast under control. If it were me, I'd stay the course...AL only makes things worse. And I have gotten to know you pretty well, I think you are tops. As you become less dependent on AL, you will like/love yourself more and more. You will see that YOU matter!! At least you will be able to make an evaluation under your own power, and not thru the fog/cloud/lies of AL. I'm so sorry you have this to deal with on top of all else. I am pulling for you. B

[Sober Visitor]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

:l Kradle!

Welcome to the human race, my dear! We are all imperfect, including your husband, but it really hurts to the core when someone that's supposed to love us throws it in our face in the heat of an arguement. That is a character flaw too.

Be proud of where you are right now in this moment and continue to work on things that you would like to change that you can do today, but do not overload yourself with too much at one time. What happened in the past cannot be changed. All we can do is learn from the lessons and do better today. We all are a work in progress.

Right now your main priority needs to be your sobriety, so maybe you and your husband can agree to call a truce for a few months. We have to protect ourselves from anything that threatens that and it sounds like arguing with your husband is a major trigger for you. It would be for me too.

Maintaining a semblance of peace is paramount to my recovery, so I purposefully choose not to subject myself to arguements and character assassinations. I have actually found it to be very empowering to not show up when I'm invited.

Sheri

[satz123]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

Sober Visitor;1353747 wrote: :l Kradle!
purposefully choose not to subject myself to arguements and character assassinations. I have actually found it to be very empowering to not show up when I'm invited.

Sheri

Here here. We argue & fight and only end up hurting ourselves and feeling shitty.:l

[Supercrew]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

Alcohol helped to magnify my personlity, but sometimes it made me something altogether different, and sometimes it was brutal. The longer you stay sober the more you will see the real you, especially if you are working to get better everyday.

It sounds like your husband might like you out of touch and with less control because then the relationship can stay somewhat onesided. It easier to get what you want when the other person is out of it most of the time. It can be a tough transition for the sober person in the relationship, because they have to relinquish control that they might have had before, and in early recovery we tend to get moody and bitchy at times...at least speaking for myself. If you want to make it work you can, but it takes work. Remember, he isn't the the person making the changes so he may not like it.

[Kradle123]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

Please forgive me everyone.

I didn't phrase myself correctly last night...

I am strictly talking about this:
DOES ALCOHOL REVEAL CHARACTER OR DOES IT CREATE IT?

I am starting a new thread. I made the mistake of making this question personal and there's simply too much history here to get an accurate accounting.
:anon::

I'm sorry. You guys are always very Johnny on the spot and Super helpful.
I have a loooong way to go So I am going to put the other thread up. :h

[baclofan]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

Kradle what a fantastc thread/ question! Thank you for bringing it up...and the feedback...wow!

Zeppie2;1353581 wrote: ...but alcohol certainly exaggerates most moods as you already know.
Byrdlady;1353705 wrote: I agree with Z and S...Alcohol is The Great Magnifier. It exagerates and then exploits tendancies...(my opinion of myself).

I, my wife are strugglinng whith same issue - question looking for an answer for years, guess I've missed that part at rehabs & counsellings...

:thanks:

[Supercrew]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

Kradle123;1353758 wrote: Please forgive me everyone.

I didn't phrase myself correctly last night...

I am strictly talking about this:
DOES ALCOHOL REVEAL CHARACTER OR DOES IT CREATE IT?I am starting a new thread. I made the mistake of making this question personal and there's simply too much history here to get an accurate accounting.
:anon::

I'm sorry. You guys are always very Johnny on the spot and Super helpful.
I have a loooong way to go So I am going to put the other thread up. :h

Both. I did many things under the influence that were not me or in what I would consider my character. That being said I still have characters flaws...I like to call them personality quirks, that I have always had with or without alcohol.

The way I fixed these issues with my wife was I asked her what I could do to make myself a better partner and husband. Then, being that I wanted her to be happy with the new sober me, I tried to focus on those things so we wouldn't have conflict. If they were things I didn't agree with we discussed them as friends with the attitude that I was trying to mend our relationship, and she gave me examples where she was right. The thing was once she realized that I was making an effort to fix me it became easier. And I did my best not to turn her criticism into something personal where I would want to defend myself. Basically I listened and tried to understand...even if I didn't agree. The last thing I wanted was an argument. We would do this daily while we walked the dog for a half an hour when we talked about our day. Alot of healing and understanding happened...and still does. I don't like conflict, so I do everything I can do to keep our talks from erupting into an argument, and by being outside walking it kept us both in the moment yet in public so voices never get raised. It sounds like more of a relationship issue more than an alcohol issue, but alcohol is being used to blame and excuse if that makes sense?

I looked at it as I checked out of my relationship for a while, and it was my job to fix it. It was hard the first few months, but now my marriage is better than ever.

[mama bear]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

my marriage is better sober too...not always easy, but defo better

[LibraryGirl]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

In my opinion, AL does not create a unique personality. It only brings out what was already inside of a person, which may have been kept under control, or hidden. This is a very touchy subject, and nearly impossible to answer, so of course we all are just sharing what we think.

I have seen some people drink too much and act completely different than they do sober. I have seen others who seemed more relaxed, and obviously tipsy, but no different, at least in a negative way. I guess the more you are dependent on AL and the more often you stay intoxicated, it becomes harder and harder to differentiate (what's me and what's AL?).

Maybe the best way to find out is to not drink. I don't believe AL creates a personality that remains, when sober.

[nancy]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

personality

Hi Kradle,

This is only one person in your life right? Though an important one.
What do the other people in your life think of you?
Sounds like he is really trying to hurt you.
I think maybe you could use some input from someone who will give you constructive criticism.

What do you think of yourself?

If you are going to stay with him, you are going to have to move on from the past. Even if you feel you were a bad person, you can always change that moving forward.
Take care and be easy on yourself.

[FarfallaP]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

Hi Kradle,

I think alcohol reveals distortions of a person's character, which the alcohol itself has distorted...for me, for example, alcohol can release my inhibitions so that I dare to express anger, (possibly justifiable anger!) but which I then express in cruel, unkind & hurtful words, which is totally NOT the real me. Just my 2 cents worth. Good luck, dear Kradle. FF

[TheSunFlower]

Is it the Alcohol or Just My Crappy Character?

I just heard someone speak about this.

As drunks, we do a pretty good imitation of crappy people. Getting sober we also do a good imitation of crappy people. But, if we were crappy people we would have no desire to get sober.

Personally, I have yet to meet a truly crappy person. Everyone has their backpack of crap that they are carrying....and to judge anyone regardless, of the action....IMO is wrong.

Sure, I meet people that I don't really care for....but, that does not make them a crappy person. And not everyone in this world is going to like me.