The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

[briseus]

Hello everyone!

First of all...I hope everyone is having a great *and sober* evening so far...or whatever time it is where you all are...
I am closing in on day 30 and going on to day 31.

I strayed a bit from MWO the last little while and quickly realized I had to get my ass back on here if I wanted to keep on the sober path. I initially was only going to do 30 days and then mod...but right now, I am happy without the poison.
One day at a tiiiiime.

Anyways...I have noticed that I have been quite moody the last little while...I have been irritable...frustrated over the littlest things and quite frankly...a bitch.
I was an even bigger biotch when I was drinking - that is true, but I never paid no attention to it...but now it is something that bothers me because it can just happen out of nowhere. I can get overemotional over the stupidest things and get pissed off over the most minute details and situations.
And if I get into an argument...watch out - I am ALWAYS right...and if I am not right or if you try to tell me I am not right then the pity party rolls out the red carpet and I am holding up signs saying "BACK THE EFF UP - I AM A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC...TAKE PITY ON ME!!!!!" What the what?

How terribly miserable of me. To still lay blame on this instead of growing the hell up - pull my skirt up - grow some balls - WHATEVER - and deal with these emotions, my childishness, my pity party's as everyone else does...
In healthier ways.

Before I blamed it on the alcohol...
Now I blame it on the alcohol...

See what I am getting at here?

I know that our bodies are adjusting to no more booze. Completely.
But I am also trying to sit there...deal with my emotions mindfully....step back..outside of myself...and not be so hard on me or others around me.
It is a process.

I got into an argument with my Mom today and the boyfriend...I got so fired up and thought to myself "You guys don't get it! I am trying to not drink here!" and I blamed them...??? How stupid is that? I didn't outright say it but my stupid addictive voice tried to convince me that they are trying to sabotage me and that I might as well drink.
Yyyyeeeeea.

After taking a five minute...okay, I lie...a 30 minute - breather...I realized that I have no one to blame, but myself...I did this to myself. I need to work on myself. I need to love myself too...be kind, more gentle...instead of being an intense, fiery ball of emotions all the time and allowing that...I need to meditate more, practise mindfulness, be kinder to myself, take care of myself...

I think we all need to.

Anyone else going through something similar?

xo
Bri

[mauritiusdodo]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

YES, YES YES!!!! I am still only reducing (on 300ml wine tonight) but I am finding it so hard, like you I am super irritable most of the time and thoughts like 'I can't believe I am having to give this up - why should I' or 'don't you appreciate what I am trying to do here and how hard it is, no wonder I am in a mood' keep going through my head, I am trying to hold back and not say them because also like you I realise all that I am going through is MY fault - no-one elses and I need to find ways to cope with life that do not include AL.

I hate myself for letting this happen to me, I have tried to quit so many times over the years and I feel pathetic for my failures, I dread to think how much money I have wasted on AL and how many hours of my life have been spent in a drunken stupour :upset:

Thanks for starting this thread and giving us somewhere to come and have a whinge and moan!! :thanks:

[briseus]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

Apparently we are the only two going through this M! Lol!
I don't think a lot of people like to think about this regardless and a lot of people still use it as an excuse to keep drinking.

I think irritability is very common in early sobriety. We are making a behavior change and a lot of us don't like big change or don't want to put the effort in.
I always thought to myself - it was so easy to become addictive to this stuff it should be just as easy to become unaddicted to it but in reality it does take work.

I just can't kee using my alcoholism as an excuse. I need to grow up and move on.
Thus I personally don't believe in the disease model of this whole thing and also don't believe we don't have to go to AA to get better.
The thought of replacing one addiction for another like that doesn't appeal to me.
Just my two cents.

Sorry for any typos or grammatical errors. Typing this from my tablet!

[EnglishWriter77]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

Oh I'm right there with you.

I know I need to stop drinking - right now I just don't WANT to, because it cheers me up (then of course makes me worse than ever)!

EW

[mauritiusdodo]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

Englishwriter, a part of me doesn't WANT to give up - that is the alcoholic part of me that needs silencing once and for all, I am so sick of it whispering in my ear - just one more night and then we quit!!

Bri I am trying AA as a safety net, I wanted to get some strategies ready before I quit completely so with AA, this site and my AL dependance unit appointment I feel more ready to tackle this head on

Now for my pity party whine:

I am so bored!!!! Stuck at home with DS ill and I want to do something interesting It is so hard having a small child, I hardly ever get time to myself and I feel trapped, I think this has contributed to my increased drinkiing, that is the only thing I can control in my day - how much I can throw down my neck once he is in bed and I have time to myself but really what a bloody waste of time, I could be using my evenings to be productive and practice my henna or make handcrafted products to sell!!!

[Byrdlady]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

When I was the guest of honor at the Pity Party...I knew that nobody else understood what I was going thru. I WANTED to drink, bad! I did not want to give up AL either, nobody here does.....but I couldn't live with it, so something had to go, my life as I knew it, or AL. I chose life (and it was a hard decision, believe it or not...give in to it, or fight back).

I don't want to sound like June Cleaver off of Leave it to Beaver, because, let's face it, I'm a recovering ALK. But some of the coping skills that we can develop really help separate success from failure...wouldn't you agree?

I tried everything from reading to cleaning out closets to riding a bicycle. All sorts of distractions...but it wasn't until I put myself into the service of others, that I truly 'got it'. I like to bake cakes (see wide ass). One Saturday I was having a hell of a day...I just knew I was going to cave in....I was walking from window to window...I saw a little neighbor boy (about 4) outside playing. So I thought...he is so dang cute...and I have a train cake pan...why don't I bake him a cake?? I looked in the pantry, and I didn't have a dam thing to do it. Well, I had the whole rest of the day to fill, so I went to the store, got the stuff, and baked him this train cake. It took me all dam day to do...and a real hack job, by bakers' standards...but I got it ready and took it over to him. He was absolutely flabergasted! I had star peppermints (saved from restaurant checks) for wheels and jelly beans as cargo and M&M's all around...it was colorful, if nothing else! He looked at his mom and said...'MOM! Is it my BIRTHDAY??' I sat it down on their table and he gazed at it with pure joy. I absolutely saw JOY that day. He took his little fingers and touched each of the jelly beans...it was somthing to see. What that little fellow didn't realize, is that he had gotten me out of a hell of a spot....that cake gave me a task to focus on...something other than my self! It took me hours to do it, but what the heck...I wasn't filling those hours with being drunk now, so I had the time. So when I have a bad spell of feeling sorry for myself, I try to remember that there are so many other people out there, that have NO JOY at all in their lives....You will not believe what a handwritten note will do, or a phone call to someone. I try and look beyond my own problems to realize there are more folks with BIGGER issues than I have out there. And just maybe, I have something to offer them to help.

I have thrown 1000 pity parties in this year and a half...don't fall for this trick your mind is playing. (it's really AL trying to ease back in). Stay the course and you will never regret it...but try and find a coping outlet that works for you! It worked for me and got me over some really rough patches when I didn't think I could go one more day! Hugs, B

[satz123]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

Byrdlady;1355184 wrote: When I was the guest of honor at the Pity Party...I knew that nobody else understood what I was going thru. I WANTED to drink, bad! I did not want to give up AL either, nobody here does.....but I couldn't live with it, so something had to go, my life as I knew it, or AL. I chose life (and it was a hard decision, believe it or not...give in to it, or fight back).

I don't want to sound like June Cleaver off of Leave it to Beaver, because, let's face it, I'm a recovering ALK. But some of the coping skills that we can develop really help separate success from failure...wouldn't you agree?

I tried everything from reading to cleaning out closets to riding a bicycle. All sorts of distractions...but it wasn't until I put myself into the service of others, that I truly 'got it'. I like to bake cakes (see wide ass). One Saturday I was having a hell of a day...I just knew I was going to cave in....I was walking from window to window...I saw a little neighbor boy (about 4) outside playing. So I thought...he is so dang cute...and I have a train cake pan...why don't I bake him a cake?? I looked in the pantry, and I didn't have a dam thing to do it. Well, I had the whole rest of the day to fill, so I went to the store, got the stuff, and baked him this train cake. It took me all dam day to do...and a real hack job, by bakers' standards...but I got it ready and took it over to him. He was absolutely flabergasted! I had star peppermints (saved from restaurant checks) for wheels and jelly beans as cargo and M&M's all around...it was colorful, if nothing else! He looked at his mom and said...'MOM! Is it my BIRTHDAY??' I sat it down on their table and he gazed at it with pure joy. I absolutely saw JOY that day. He took his little fingers and touched each of the jelly beans...it was somthing to see. What that little fellow didn't realize, is that he had gotten me out of a hell of a spot....that cake gave me a task to focus on...something other than my self! It took me hours to do it, but what the heck...I wasn't filling those hours with being drunk now, so I had the time. So when I have a bad spell of feeling sorry for myself, I try to remember that there are so many other people out there, that have NO JOY at all in their lives....You will not believe what a handwritten note will do, or a phone call to someone. I try and look beyond my own problems to realize there are more folks with BIGGER issues than I have out there. And just maybe, I have something to offer them to help.

I have thrown 1000 pity parties in this year and a half...don't fall for this trick your mind is playing. (it's really AL trying to ease back in). Stay the course and you will never regret it...but try and find a coping outlet that works for you! It worked for me and got me over some really rough patches when I didn't think I could go one more day! Hugs, B

Byrd
That made me cry. Someimes when I see a long post I skim throught it - not that one !
You have a real way with telling a story that doesn't bore. Love your posts.
Write a book ?

[BakerExtraordinaire]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

I didn't even realize I was in a pity party until someone nicely pointed it out to me
Kudos to you for recognizing it, Bri! Trust me, these feelings are NOT uncommon. Have you read about PAWS?

[K9Lover]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

Byrdie,
You are a hell of a lady. What more can I say?

I've been spending time lately teaching my daughter my secret recipes. I have 3 signature dishes: mashed potatoes (the secret is cream cheese), spinach artichoke dip, and cinnamon rolls with homemade crust. She wasn't too impressed with the cinnamon rolls last night, but whatever. LOL

Bri - I was the only attendee at a pity party for a long time too, and I didn't even realize it. Only recently have I started looking for new things to do (making cinnamon rolls for the first time in 20 years, getting back into crocheting, etc). It's so easy to feel sorry for yourself or say "I can't drink...boo hoo". I choose to say "I don't have to drink anymore!" It's a very free-ing thought. You are doing so well. The ups and downs of sobriety will pass. Stay strong, I am so very proud of you!

K9

[mauritiusdodo]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

Byrd I can just see that little boys face bless you!!

K9 I am always thinking poor me I can't have a drink, I like your alternative How far have you got with the crochet, I keep trying but all I have accomplished so far are bookmarks and granny squares!! Thinking I am going to take my stuff with me this weekend and start trying again

[K9Lover]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

Mauri,
Scarves and blankets are my limit. That's because they only require the back and forth skill. Every dog has a nice homemade blanket though (which is not good when you let their nails get too long...picture a chihuahua dragging a 7' blanket down the hallway). LOL

[mama bear]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

what in inspriring thread
Byrd...you are so right, and your story really touched me
I try to practice my attitude of gratitude every day....remembering the thing I am thankful for
My neighbor tell me she tries to do one NICE thing per day and one HEALTHY thing per day...
I love that

[Byrdlady]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

Thanks everyone...I am a real cynic at heart, so to see these words out of my virtual mouth is odd. But extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures....it works for me. xo, b

[choice]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

Pity Party was my story for about 2-3 months! I think it is okay to blame it on the alcohol and fight back by not giving in. Now I forget that I don't drink and so don't feel that way anymore. But your so right it is a process. I really relate to how your working this through!!! It isn't easy to dig deep, open your eyes and be accountable. I've always been an emotional person (I was SO over the top emotional when I drank) yeeks!! It is really a challenge to cope sober with my range... especially the angry, sad, types of emotions. Now I just try and pause before I let other people I'm close to upset me... it works about 1/4 of the time, but I think I'm improving... hopefully! Congrats on reaching 30 days and beyond!!

[mauritiusdodo]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

K9Lover;1355232 wrote: Mauri,
Scarves and blankets are my limit. That's because they only require the back and forth skill. Every dog has a nice homemade blanket though (which is not good when you let their nails get too long...picture a chihuahua dragging a 7' blanket down the hallway). LOL

LOL I haven't tried anything big yet, I don't have the time usually but that could all be about to change!