The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

[briseus]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

First of all - thanks Byrdie for sharing your story! It was quite nice! I definitely put everyone before me...I do a lot for others - I think that is a small part of my problem...I never put myself first and I have to start doing that.
So I sometimes feel like I have just spread myself too thin - always trying to make everyone around me happy instead of focusing on myself. Always trying to make others like me...and it has gotten worse since I have been sober because when I drank - quite frankly - I didn't give a shit. I mean, of course I wasn't rude - but when someone made a snarky comment I would be like "WHATEVER!" - swig from the bottle of wine.
I know that isn't healthy - obviously...but I am not having a hard time not caring - to the point of stressing me out...my boyfriend say yesterday - "You work yourself up so much. You weave an entire story in your head with an outcome and nothing has even happened yet!". He is right. But I don't know how to stop that! If I text someone and they don't text me back right away I wonder what I did or what someone could have said during that time. I am always WORRIED!! :/

Wow Mollyka - good for you for saying something to your hub - that must have taken a lot of guts!
To be quite honest, during my drinking days my boyfriend never really paid too much attention to me...well, he did...but he didn't take anything I said seriously and when we argued he thought it had something to do with alcohol...I drank...or I was hungover...if that makes sense. Now things are so much better...but it is still hard for me to sit through and deal with my emotions.

I think that is the worst part of the pity party...we have to deal with all these emotions and still don't know how to. It is all new to us. We have to relearn everything...and if something doesn't go our way - or as planned - we freak out. We cry and throw temper tantrums. I know that I do.
This morning - right in the morning - my boyfriend wanted change for coffees for the guys at work...I went to look for some in my purse and said I didn't have any. He said "this is so frustrating - we don't even have money for coffee"...
And I blew up!
From that comment this is what I took out of it...
"You spend all our money. We are broke because of you. How sad you don't even have change in your purse. This entire relationship is pointless. I am unhappy. I am unhappy with you."
I mean...how effed up is that?

Do I hate myself that much that I feel like others dislike me so much? And that I make these scenario's up in my head...I don't get it.
I will seriously stand there and ask people if they are mad at me because I THINK I did something or said something and they will stand there and say "Why the heck would I be mad at you??" but if I don't ask, I feel anxiety...and uneasy...and when I do finally ask, I feel relief...but it doesn't last long.
It may have something to do with my OCD...

I don't know.

How do we stop worrying about things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things?
All I should care about is myself, my boyfriend and my family. All the great things in my life and the ones that love me.
So why am I constantly trying to get people that make me miserable - like me?

Sorry for the rant.
Having a tough week - wanting a drink. :/

[satz123]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

mollyka;1355497 wrote: Well Bris - each day since you started this thread I've been meaning to post on it - but it seemed I'da different comment to make every day -- on examination it was actually a 'different pity party' each day -- ffs - I truly thought I'd come a long way from that - so thanks - you've opened my eyes to one of my personality defects!!!
As a result of this realisation - this happened.

Many on here know that I have a big problem with my husband. 95% of the time he is a darling - truly a lovely man - but he goes through what I used to call his 'glums' - I (and he actually) now call it periodic depression. It was an enormous trigger to me drinking in the old days - he doesn't just get glum - he becomes silent, prickly and a bit mean really. THIS TIME - mainly courtesy of this thread - this is the difference.
Previously I would think 'how can he treat me like this knowing how sad it's gonna make me - I'm in recovery - he's jeapardising that, if he loved me he wouldn't make me unhappy' -- me me me me me!
This time - I just put calmness inside me - this was NOT about me - I purposely did not respond in a sharp way to any of his snipey comments - so I wasn't wrong-footed - and then I left him at it. It's his problem - he won't get treatment - and last night when he went to bed without saying goodnight - I followed him up the stairs and told him in no uncertain terms - that he suffered from depression and needed treatment - and to leave it untreated was damaging to him and to our marriage - he was gobsmacked!!
So - maybe thanks to this thread --- the pity party and the me me me is over - and he just may look at himself --- result!!!!!!

JESUS Molls !!
Thanks for sharing that with us. Poor Mr Molls but ..................
YOU GO GIRL !!:clapclap:

[lil.michelle]

The Good Ol' PITY PARTY!!!

Hunni, I was the same.
It's simple really, we used drink to block and numb every emotion. If we were happy we drink, sad we drunk, low we drunk, angry we drunk. We numbed them all. Suddenly we're having all the emotions come back and frankly, we don't know what to do.
It's like being a 2 year old again. They are learning about emotions and how to express them so they are happy, they cry, sad they cry ect ect.
You just need to go easy on yourself. It does all click back again but it does last a month or so.
You're brain is learning to function without the poison so give it a chance. Xx