Anxiety...

[Sunbeam]

Anxiety...

Bri, been there, done that. What's important is to learn from the experience. You have a lot of company here with that kind of experience, which means a lot of support and understanding.

[UrbanFool]

Anxiety...

Please don't take the herbs on top of the depression/anxiety meds. I'm certainly one to pile it all on, but there can be a lot of problems.

I keep trying to stop myself from going over to the gray house around the corner and stealing their St. John's Wort slips to plant in my garden. That's the LAST thing I need after reducing my meds forcibly.

[Wildflowers]

Anxiety...

briseus;1358855 wrote: I am disappointed in myself.
I drank.
I didn't get shitfaced. And I really cannot be hard on myself. I could go on a binge but what would be the point? They say relapses are a part of recovery. This is my first relapse and I'm not liking it. Obviously.
I felt instant relief when I took that first glass - but I knew that the next day it wouldn't have solved a thing. Emotions were running high. I was alone and there was booze in the house.
I had a really good talk with my friend, boyfriend and Mom and they just said to not dwell on it and keep moving forward.
Because what would be the point of beating myself up over it? It was a slip and I have learned and now need a different plan of attack.

I hope you are all not disappointed.
Just need a bit of support right now.

I am not going to take this as an opportunity to keep drinkin.

As I was told last night - "Geeze, it's not the end of the world..."

I'm glad you didn't get "shitfaced"!... Also glad your not being hard on yourself & that you've chosen to not go on a bender!.... That's a great decision!.... One you can be grateful for!... I'm also very glad that you didn't enjoy your slip ~ relapse! I know I never have & there have been numerous ones in the past!.............................................

Yes, for many of us relapses are a part of recovery. Recovery being the main word here!... What else can you learn from this so that it doesn't happen again? I mean you said you didn't like it. Perhaps, ways of dealing with your emotions in early sobriety. Along with accepting them as part of early sobriety. All tho uncomfortable & down right painful some days, they are part of healing. Healing that leads to a happier, healthier & more successful life, usually!... Of course that's if you choose this path.

I can imagine being young, that it must be so very difficult to make a decision to go AF! Plus having it in your living environment must be adding incredible temptations to an already very difficult battle!.... I don't know, or remember your story. Your relationship with alcohol, so it's hard for me to gauge how awful your drinking was hun, or how many times you've tried recovery.

I can only tell you I'm a true alkie. If I could get away with drinking a bottle of wine, a few drinks, or 6-12 pk once a month & hop right back into recovery easily, I'd still be drinking. I'm like Wagoneer, I have that switch in my brain that gets turned back on. I have a physical addiction & mental obsession with the poison. So I have to go AF. God knows I tried many~many times to drink like a normie!....

Now I'm very grateful I found MWO, cause nobody here judges & condemns us!... If I were to slip ~ relapse somebody here would give me a big hug, reach out with their hearts, hands & help me fight again. They did to when I went AF 55 days. We aren't disappointed in you!... You are loved!..... Fight the beast, fight your mind!... Get strong, healthy & happy!

Whatever you need sweetheart we just want you to be healthy & happy!... I just get scared , cause alcohol almost killed me!... I've seen it literally kill people too. Been to funerals. Not trying to scare ya too much, but it really does happen hun! So, it is the end of the world for some & not for others. Ya just never know when that one drink, may turn into 10 & it could be your last one.

Please just be good to yourself!..... If you want a kick up the arse you say so, it's your call. JC has funny pics & Coach Crew I think will oblige you, by your invitation.

Love, :h

Wildflowers :l

PS. Under, "Just Starting Out", there is a new topic "PAWS". Maybe this will help you to understand anxiety is normal in early recovery.

[dixon]

Anxiety...

Hi Bri thinking of you,so please come on here and share what's going on with you.
I do hopeyou are all right now.
Dix

[briseus]

Anxiety...

Well...I did take it as an opportunity to keep on drinking. Who was I kidding? Now I lay here in bed - going to have to start all over again. I would have been at 50 days by now. I am proud of my 38...but still. Days 1s are always the hardest. I just have to get through today. There is booze in the house that I can do nothing about. I just have to remember that I was fine before with it and can be fine now. I just gotta keep myself busy!!
I also start a new job on Wednesday (yay!) and think that will help.
I just hate the hangovers, the anxiety, guilt and shame that comes with this drinking I dunno why I keep going back. Things were so great when I was sober.
Of course there were some days that were trickier then others but I gotta bring structure back and I think that was my downfall. The boyfriend and I were on vacation (last day today) and there was just no structure to our day.
Just wanted to let y'all know that I am back. What happened. A
And that I do want this.

[briseus]

Anxiety...

And thank you to you all for the immense support I have received here. It's amazing.

[briseus]

Anxiety...

Agreed Molly. Thank you.
I dont understand why I had no problems not drinking in those 38 days and now that I am back on day one it is all I can think about.
It is so frustrating.

I will keep as busy as possible today.
I will go to the gym. Maybe clean or something.
Organize. I don't know.
Last day of holidays so will see what the bf wants to do as well.

[LibraryGirl]

Anxiety...

Congratulations on your new job, Bri!!!! You'll get back on track in no time. Hang in there girl.

[SKendall]

Anxiety...

Hi Bris, so many of us can relate to how you are feeling today, I know I can. What was successful for me is being very structured and quitting with personal intent so that you never feel deprived, it's your choice. What really helped me to was lithium orotate - NOT the prescription lithium. This is something you can buy at the drugstore - at least in the U.S. and it keeps anxiety at bay and the Gaba and L-Glut. There is a thread on lithium orotate in Holistic Healing. I think you live in Canada and if you can't buy it over the counter, pm me and we'll worth something out. It's common useage is for recovery.

A ton of water,some VitB and your regular supps will help you today and also a re-read The Tool Box.

For me it was never a slip. I relapsed way before I drank because I had already mentally made that decision.

Good Luck and kick al and it's obsession to the curb.

[briseus]

Anxiety...

Thanks guys...

I am hanging in there -- although there is still a half bottle of wine left in the fridge...my addictive voice is playing games with me, trying to convince me to just have some....the rest of the bottle because then I can start over again - real this time...apparently. If that even makes sense.
I won't be pouring it down the drain. I can't do it. We are really trying to save money and blablabla and now every little thing I do I think it is wasting or saving money - I know it was a waste of money to buy it to begin with....but I was really hoping to have finished the bottle last night but never did.

I am totally rambling...
But I am still keeping busy.

[Wildflowers]

Anxiety...

Hi Bri,

I just hate the hangovers, the anxiety, guilt and shame that comes with this drinking I dunno why I keep going back. Things were so great when I was sober.

Me too! I finally got so damn sick & tired of it, that I've realized I have a serious problem! You are right, being sober most the time is grrrtt!

I dont understand why I had no problems not drinking in those 38 days and now that I am back on day one it is all I can think about.
It is so frustrating.

I think if you go back over your journey there were days it wasn't always easy sailing, riding, flying, walking. It just isn't for most people. Well anybody that's addicted, like myself. Some days it may seem easier to just run like hell, run away & pretend it doesn't exist. I did this a gazillion times. I finally found out this was a big fat lie!

There are pink cloud, gray cloud days involved. I've even had some stormy ones, that involved pouring rain. Yet, I've also felt like I've climbed Mt Everest to. It's just all part of it! But, I hear by others who have traveled farther than me, that have floated in the hot air balloon, who've seen many more various colored cloud days, that they will stabilize. We just have to hang on to each other, practice, & apply all the tools we have learned. Protect our sobriety at all costs, especially in early days! This is what I'm willing to do!....

I'm really happy your back! I've missed you!... In fact there's somebody else who's been MIA, I'm going to put a shout out for.

Congratulations On Your New Job Hun! :l

[Kradle123]

Anxiety...

SKendall;1363436 wrote:

For me it was never a slip. I relapsed way before I drank because I had already mentally made that decision.
.

I feel like I am exactly in that place at this time SK. I am almost 2 months and though it was hard at first it got easier but now it's hard again....

BRI I AM SO WITH YOU.

I really am struggling here. Just want to say screw it. I am looking at all those bottles go by as I am shopping at Costco. It seems so odd that I can be doing so well and then get pulled backwards by some invisible hand.

I'm thinking of you, Bri and thanks for the reminder SK. I think I'm relapsing and ont even know it...

[LillyE]

Anxiety...

Hey Kradle,

I hear you - I'm starting to worry I'm in the same place too (over 6 weeks now, woo!). Please hang in there, you are doing so great!

Here is an article about warning signs of a relapse that might help...
37 Warning signs of relapse

Bri, I've been reading along as my anxiety has been really high this week and I'm not sure why - so I totally get how it can lead you to pick up the bottle. Ultimately, however, I really do think alcohol makes anxiety much worse.

On which note, another website I found very interesting on that topic...

Why Alcohol Causes Anxiety | Anxiety Guru | Hope and Healing

[briseus]

Anxiety...

Thanks everyone for the links and great advice and for their own stories - so we can all relate.
I have been crazy busy and that's why haven't posted - not drinking though! Day 3.
I start my job today and the anxiety is being kept at bay.

My anxiety left when I drank the first time but as I progressed onto a binge it because worse and worse and I kept drinking and drinking. It was horrible.

I really don't understand our brains sometime...how we all know sober life is fantastic minus it's down like any other person experiences in life - drinking just makes things shitty!

Anyways - off to my first job in a long while. Wish me luck!

[Wildflowers]

Anxiety...

Good luck Briseus, your doing great!....