All the fun is over?

[Helix]

As I have been cutting way down and am approaching sobriety that I am comsumed with thoughts that I will be totally boring now. All my social activities revolved around drinking. I am sure a lot of you have had this problem. What did you do to counter these thoughts? What are some non drinking activities other than sports and exersise (I already do this) did you switch to to meet people and have a good time with?

Every night I am consumed with the "I really want to go out and have a good time" and "No if I go out I will drink all night" battle in my head. I am hoping to find some things to occupy my time at home and out that doesn't involve alcohol but does involve socialising.

[vlivengood]

All the fun is over?

AA meetings? They also have a lot of social events....volunteer somewhere, it will take up time and you'll feel great for giving back. Have you let your friends know of your plans for sober living? You could make plans with them maybe on an individual basis say for dinner or a movie or have them come over for some sober poker or something and it would be easy to just tell that friend hey I'm not drinking these days.....

Sorry that's all I can come up with

[Wagoneer]

All the fun is over?

You'd be surprised how supportive people can be when you tell them that you have stopped drinking. I was! And now I can be in social situations and say "I don't drink anymore, but thanks anyway" and not feel left out. You can do this!

[Helix]

All the fun is over?

I really cant stand AA meetings. The whole higher power nonsense and the defeatist attitudes really turn me off. Sorry to anyone who likes AA but it is absolutly not a place I enjoy in the slightest. I've actually been telling my friends I am going to "detox" for a while. Since I am an avid marathoner and crossfitter nobody even questions it. But I used to be the life of any party. Now I feel like a bit of a wall flower lately.

What shall I do without my liquid courage?

[Wagoneer]

All the fun is over?

You will be amazed what you can do. Seriously. I thought the same thing - would I be as funny without my gallon of Chardonnay to fuel my humor? I found out I was. It was really weird. In a good way, but weird nonetheless. You will be surprised.

[Cashregister]

All the fun is over?

Hey helix I'm on day 10 and I am having so much more fun with my daughter and husband than I do when I'm drinking to excess - we had so many rofl moments on the weekend cause my wit is so much quicker and I feel so much better - i honestly believe that you could end up being the life of the party and be sober - lets face it it's not difficult to be wittier amd faster on the uptake than drunk people you might just have them in stitches And people don't have to know you're not drinking, plenty of things you cn drink that look like one.

[Supercrew]

All the fun is over?

You have been brainwashed to believe you need alcohol to have a good time and to be "the life of the party". Well take it from a guy who was "the life of the party " for over 20 years. Alcohol does not make you more likeable, it doesn't make the music or the company any better, all it does is put you in a state where you really don't care.

The reality is alcohol causes problems because it makes people not care if they make a fool of themselves or if they insult someone or if they dance on the table and accidentally break it.

I never thought I could have fun without alcohol, my life for over 20 years revolved around planning on my next alcohol fueled function, then getting wasted at it. I don't remember most of it, like my wedding and my graduation and the birth of my child, or any other wedding, or graduation or birthday for that matter. When you are under the influence you don't really enjoy other people or special events, because you are basically numbing yourself to the point that you really just don't care.

I have more real fun and more enjoyable experiences in the last 2 years sober than the 27 years I spent obsessing over getting my drink refilled. I learned that now I get to decide whether I have fun. If I want to have a good time, I decide that I am going to a party or a ballgame or even a club and I have a good time, and not only do I really enjoy myself, I also remember it, and I am not embarrasssed by the crap I didn't remember doing the night before...because I don't do stupid drunken stuff anymore.

When I believed I was missing out, and that I needed alcohol my social life sucked, but then I realized it was just my perception and the training I had from watching 30 years of propaganda on the TV that told me I needed to drink a beer to be the cool guy at the party. Retrain your brain, and you will find contentment and lots of memorable fun living sober.


And for the record, I am not an AA person, but I did do a year of meetings 10 years ago, and anyone who says they are fun must be going somewhere different that me!

[Byrdlady]

All the fun is over?

I agree with the group, but would like to add...that fun person is STILL in there! If you love to laugh and talk with other people... that did not go away with the bottle. But it does take some practice to dig it back out. We had such a easy crutch with AL, now it takes some work to get to it, but trust me, that 'life of the party' can still be fun...WITHOUT all the embarrassment that your mind is editing out. Selective recall: Being the ASS of the party. It may take you some time, but you will get comfortable....I was saying in the NN a couple weeks ago, someone mentioned that they felt like a sore thumb by being the only nondrinker...being a sore thumb didn't seem to bother me when I was the only loud, sloppy drunk person at a party! Being sober is just new....you will see now that what you were doing wasn't so fun after all....Byrdie

[Helix]

All the fun is over?

Ironicly enough I rarely made a fool out of myself while being drunk. I think that is part of the problem for me. I hold my alcohol very well. I was drinking 12 - 18 beers daily. But I could function well and rarely had nights I regretted. I didn't slur, act irrational, or loose balance, I just slipped into a bliss every evening with beer. I definitly didn't really give a sh!t about anything. I am noticing now all the little things I put off (laundry, bills, etc..) are getting done. But there is a void and I am lonely.

I am noticing my relationships chage. I usually kept most people at arms length. Partly because I didn't want them to see how much I really drank and partially because they got in the way of my drinking. The problem now is everyone is at arms length and I don't want to drink so much.

It is hard to find comfort in thinking I was a mess when I was drunk when I don't believe I was. I do notice my wit getting a bit sharper and my anxiety is less. This Baclofen is amazing. I am on day 40 or so and I am definitly sliding out of my alcoholic binds I feel the change in my brain chemestry and it is exciting but at the same time I am getting incredibly restless..

Mostly, I am bored!

[Supercrew]

All the fun is over?

Did alcohol make you not bored? Or did it just not make you care whether you were bored or not?

I also thought I held my alcohol extremely well....but sometimes I didn't. Most people couldn't tell when I was 12-18 beers in, but if I went to 20+ and threw in a couple of shots, I was noticably drunk.

Don't force yourself to expect to have too much fun at first. It took me about 3 months before I started feeling comfortable in my own skin and able to enjoy a night out sober. But I found that the reality was I get to decide if I'm bored or if I want to have fun. I always kept everyone at arms length also, but now there are people who are wanting to get closer to me, because I am positive and healthy and upbeat and excited about the future and what sobriety is doing for me.

Saying that you are bored or asking is the fun over are all just excuses you are giving yourself to have the option to drink again. If you are bored and can't have fun without the booze, it's not an alcohol problem, it's a YOU problem. Remember there are no reasons to drink, only excuses.

[Byrdlady]

All the fun is over?

I can understand having much more time on your hands when you aren't carving out 6 hours to drink...much more on the weekends. I used to start at 10:30 in the mornings on weekends, and pray that by 8 that night I was still awake...now all that time is there to fill with other things...it's an adjustment. This sounds really stupid, and if you knew me well, it would also sound out of character...but I found that putting myself into the service of someone else really helped. As sorry as I felt for myself, there is ALWAYS someone else out there that goes for days at a time without seeing another person...who doesn't have computer skills and internet access...I took my dog to the nursing home a few times...you wouldn't believe how satisfying that is. I also baked (still do) cakes and take them to people who aren't expecting anything special to happen that day. Put your mind to a task to help someone else and it will help you 10 fold! Write someone a note...on paper...with a pen! Call someone that hasn't heard from you. Throwing a pity party is the natural to do, easy to attend and hard to leave....but it wasn't until I took the focus off of myself that I could happily get thru the extra time I found myself having. I find the more I give...the more I get! Byrdie