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[scottish lass]

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Well done Mommy - and just pick yourself up, dust off and get back on track - you can do it - just one day at a time. Look at what you did - do not focus on what did not work - if we can be proud of our achievements we can keep going, it is when we are guilty of our slips that we slink away and don't keep trying.

[Raven2012]

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Hi Mommy,

I was so glad that you let us know how you were doing, I was worried!

You didn't reveal a lot about what happened in your professional life but if I can share a few things that I've learned in the last few years with work and motherhood. It's been hard to balance. That was what really triggered my drinking. After being good at everything I was good at nothing. And as a bit of a perfectionist that was hard. But I finally found a place where I felt like it might work, and that's when I decide I'd better quit the drinking because I knew I couldn't screw up this time. And that's why I have so much hope for you. I think this is maybe a blessing for you. Maybe the place you were at wasn't the right place for you. Maybe the right place for you is a few months down the road.

I was happy to hear you say "it wasn't my fault" because I don't want you to fall into a state of self blame. But if you had said, "it was my fault and I'm in the process of learning from this" I would think no less of you. I don't think anyone would. But self blame can be cruel if it eats up your self esteem and keeps you from moving forward. What's so fantastic about your situation is you are already ten paces ahead by having conquered a month without drinking! Well on your way to rebuilding yourself. Imagine if you didn't have that how hopeless you would feel.

I'm not sure what your situation is but if you have more time with the family I hope you can take this time to relax a bit. Cook gourmet meals. Take your little girls out for manicures and ice cream. After a bit of time to regroup then start thinking about what your ideal career looks like. What type of work are you doing during the day? Think Big! What does your weekend look like? Who do you have lunch with? How do you start your days? Don't be afraid to dream!

Then put a plan together to make it happen.

If your self esteem is down because of these work people well that is not good because you deserve good days! See your Dr ASAP. There are medications out there that can work wonders. If medications are not for you there are other kinds of options to consider but if you are thinking of harming yourself then medication is essential in my opinion.

Mommy, there are people who love and depend on you and you have a long life ahead. I hope you take some time to make good decisions to move you all in the right direction. Best, Raven

[hadit]

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Hi Mommy, Just read your posts and wanted to say hello! 30 days, wow that is some achievement, wish I was there! Don't be hard on yourself, just pick yourself up and get back here on MWO

[Raven2012]

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Please check in Mommy. I know we are all hoping you are OK.

[K9Lover]

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Yes...please check in! We're thinking of you!

K9

[mommyKW]

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Thank you guys for thinking of me. I am sorry and ashamed to say, I made it to my 30 day AF goal… and then fell off the wagon. Since that day I've been imbibing a bottle of red every evening. Feel horrid about it. Some voice in me keeps convincing me that it's ok as I'm only having a bottle in the evening… not hiding in the bathroom or drinking during the day as I used to. Also, it doesn't help that I have this terrible feeling of aloneness and depression that is driving me to tears and AL is the only thing that can snap me out of it. Even the fact that the incident of last Thursday may not be as worse as I initially thought it was, (but still unpredictable), I'm still sad. Glad I logged in today to read what you have to say. Does anyone else have this terrible depression too? Sometimes I feel that escaping from it is the main reason why I resort to the poison. While I still want to "end it", suicide is not an option… I love my girls too much.
Again, thanks for all your help.

[Raven2012]

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Hi Mommy,

Are you taking time off or working in the same office? I wasn't clear what happened. Please make an appointment with your Dr.

It will help a lot, what you're feeling could be a chemical imbalance, and alcohol makes it worse. By the way, you don't have to tell your Dr. about drinking (unless you want to). I chose to keep it private because I didn't want that as a diagnosis on my insurance. May sound silly, some may say irresponsible - not too ashamed to say I'm depressed but no one could know about the drinking!

In any case if you're even considering harming yourself you need to go to the Dr right away.

[Cinders]

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mommyKW;1374642 wrote: Help!!! I am on day 29 AF, a day away from my goal of 30. Made it though all the AL urges of the past weeks, but today I have just suffered a setback in my professional life - too painful to give the details. It is not my fault, but it has affected my self esteem which is now close to rock bottom and I'm feeling severe depression (sobs). Only thing keeping me from thoughts of suicide is remembering my two lovely little girls. I am CRAVING AL so bad as it would instantly rid me of these awful thoughts and feelings. Help. In tears now and feeling alone.

Okay, I have not read beyond this. I, too, was into my job, my career, etc.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB, CAREER, whatever.

I finally quit my $100K plus job last year because I realized it was holding me back from being sober.

You do not need to define yourself by your career. If you want to, you can. But, at the end of the day, you need to define yourself as who you are. You. Not a job.

I am sorry if others have interrupted and said the same thing. I saw this post by you and want you to know I, too, was a hugely successful woman who was hiding bottles of vodka in her purse just so she didn't get the shakes during the day.

One day, when my mother was suffering from her Dementia and my dad was suffering from what she said to nurses and doctors. I realized that what really matters is what really matters.

Not money, not "importance," but love.

Yes, we are asked to do superhuman things. Go make lots of money and still take care of the family.

I recall a singer from the 70s or 80s, who said "I burned the candle from both ends."

Look at your life. Figure out what is more important Then go for it.

Sobriety is more important than lots of money

Can your children live well if you die? Remember, 40% of us die from this addiction.

I do not feel one whit of remorse for quitting my job.

My daughter doesn't care how far I made it in my career. She cares that she can call me and I will be there.

Cindi

[K9Lover]

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Hi Mommy,

Several times I fell off the wagon around day 40...something about that time led me to believe I was "cured"...after all I'd gone about 5 weeks without drinking, so I couldn't have a problem!! Wrong. It only took 2-3 days to get right back to a 12+ pack of beer every night.

I'm sorry to hear about your depression. Alcohol IS making it worse. You know what alcohol is good for? Convincing you that you NEED it to help you with your problems, when in reality IT is causing your problems to begin with! And yes, it would TEMPORARILY rid you of your feelings, but only because it is poison and numbs you.

I know how much you love your girls. Won't you consider getting better for them, if nothing else at this point? I GOT sober for my daughter, but I stay sober for ME, which in turn benefits us both!

Please, please hang in there and do not harm yourself. You have a lot of people around here that care about you.

Sending you love and strength.

K9