100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

[dixon]

Hi Folks,
With the completion of 100 AF days,I would like to make a couple of commitments to reward myself , which are here into 3 categorise.I have defined these to be myself very specific and making it easier to remember.

Some people say do not make any commitments but do your best to do good stuff and others say you cant achieve anything without any commitment or plan. People say not to make any commitment on the ground that you will be unhappy and depressed if they are not fulfilled.

People who say you must make a commitment on the ground that you must know what you are going to do or achieve in advance so that your actions depend on accordingly and you will conquer your goal.

Majority of people say do whatever works for you. And I think it is a combination of both and wise as well.
I have now made a mind to make some commitments and do my best to achieve them.To combined them I will make some commitments and will never get depressed some of them are not fulfilled despite my humble and genuine attempts.
In general,It is hard to accept any failure but I have make myself to believe in the reality and truth rather than being an over ambitious .

So lets start now,

1.Sober life-I think it is the most fundamental and basic needs of my life.I won't do any best stuffs in lack of this,I may do some good only if I stay sober .And the decision I make in this peace of sober mind only would be a right one.Otherwise just like a gambling with close eyes !!!

2. Attachments-I have ruined most of my life being unnecessarily attached with somethings which are beyond my control.It does not mean I haven't done any good ,I have done so many good but stuck with bad only.They really made me weaker and weaker day by day.For example I attached myself with the action of my wife,my brother,my sister,my mom,my dad etc. which I would like to say family attachment.I always wanted my family especially who are junior to me must obey me and my adopt my life style, because I felt myself more experienced ,well educated and creative .If something went against me,I terribly became shocked in return.Like this attachment, there could be social,political,economical,cultural,religious,fri endship,relatives etc. attachments.I was unhappy because of my wife,because of my brother,boss,society and so on...which are really beyond my control.If I want to be always happier,then my happiness must not be tagged,belonged to others actions.There is a say that " give the love expect nothing in return".
In fact, I should try to do keep my best relation to all of external environment but I must accept the outcome either it is in favour of me or not.
I will focus on mind to remember the facts I said here ,I also must keep in mind that they are pretty hard to achieve but certainly possible.

3.Be an open book :-Today onwards,I will do my best not to hide any bad happenings in my life to the surrounding people to me to preserve the so called prestige.How much I hide them,the bigger chances of doing wrong activities.So I must not do a judgement that if it is good to show the society up or it is good to hide out from them.I must be transparent to the society/relatives to my any actions and let them analyse themselves ,I wont defined myself for any actions good or bad.If I do so, I will get feedback from the community and will get an opportunity to rectify them immediately.
If I have felt something good to share, never select someone to share .It is not a matter of person whom I am sharing to but its a matter of sharing to make it 10 folds or more.So I will share my treasures to those who could be my friends or foes.In contrary,I wont hide any weakness too.I know it might be not fruitful right now but definitely will pay back later .I either would be a public assets or a liability.If I been liability they will take a action to correct me if I am humble with my actions.
Recently,I read out Kimberly's 2nd book where she has mentioned everything happened in her life she is now a public assets,she even mentioned there how many times she got raped.
I would not be a happier person doing all of them but there is no way-out without doing so and so..

Let's start some brain stroming here in these topics.
Dix

[Guitarista]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

Right behind you Dixon.

Go for it mate. :goodjob: G.

[FlyAway]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

Dixon-

#1--I agree wholeheartedly. Staying sober will affect every decision you make. Alcohol won't make anything better. Good choice to stay sober.

#2--It is only when we try to control the uncontrollable that we have strife in our lives. And the only truth is reality. When I am driving and in a hurry and someone is driving incredibly slow in front of me and blocking my way I become angry. Why? Because I'm thinking, "It shouldn't be this way. He should move over and let me pass or he should go faster too." Is it true that he shouldn't be driving slowly? The reality or the truth is that he is going slow. So I am arguing with reality and trying to change it and that is causing me anger. If you want your wife and your children to obey you and they don't want to obey you, who is right? Is the truth that they should obey you? Or is it that they shouldn't obey you? The only truth is reality. If they don't obey you then that is the truth. Trying to change the truth will make you crazy! You can express your desires to people and they may choose to obey you, but they also may choose not to obey you. You can't control that. You can only control yourself. Just like I can't control a slow driver in front of me. I can only control my reaction to the situation.

#3--I'm not sure what you mean when you say you won't attach to another person or community. Do you mean you won't try to control another person or do you mean you won't have another relationship with a person?

Who is Kimberly and what is the name of her book?

[Nelz]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

With ya on the open book Dix........we have all made mistakes, we will continue to make mistakes. Lawd knows I have made some doooosey's and Im totally ok with people knowing.


Keep it up Dix

[Doggygirl]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

Hi Dix! Great post! What came to mind as I was reading your ideas is the notion that I cannot change anyone but me. I cannot "work on" anyone but me. I can't "work on" or change my husband, friends, family members, etc. I am learning to trust that if I just focus on being the best person I can be - learning more all the time, the rest of life and the people around me will happen as it should. (not necessarily as I want!)

DG

[dixon]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

Guitarista;1366071 wrote: Right behind you Dixon.

Go for it mate. :goodjob: G.

You are a leader Guita ,so you are always front to me...
I have done all with your support.
hoping a lot more !!
Dix

[dixon]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

FlyAway;1366076 wrote: Dixon-

#1--I agree wholeheartedly. Staying sober will affect every decision you make. Alcohol won't make anything better. Good choice to stay sober.

#2--It is only when we try to control the uncontrollable that we have strife in our lives. And the only truth is reality. When I am driving and in a hurry and someone is driving incredibly slow in front of me and blocking my way I become angry. Why? Because I'm thinking, "It shouldn't be this way. He should move over and let me pass or he should go faster too." Is it true that he shouldn't be driving slowly? The reality or the truth is that he is going slow. So I am arguing with reality and trying to change it and that is causing me anger. If you want your wife and your children to obey you and they don't want to obey you, who is right? Is the truth that they should obey you? Or is it that they shouldn't obey you? The only truth is reality. If they don't obey you then that is the truth. Trying to change the truth will make you crazy! You can express your desires to people and they may choose to obey you, but they also may choose not to obey you. You can't control that. You can only control yourself. Just like I can't control a slow driver in front of me. I can only control my reaction to the situation.

#3--I'm not sure what you mean when you say you won't attach to another person or community. Do you mean you won't try to control another person or do you mean you won't have another relationship with a person?

Who is Kimberly and what is the name of her book?

Thanks flyaway,
Its a wonderful reply with point-wise clarification and good example for the point two.I am now going to practice this reality ,wont worry about how long it will take?.Because I know there is no way out to live happier without accepting the truth.Must achieve it.

Number 3 is related to be open to the society so that everyone knows what's I am doing .Its like a life of a prime minister or celebrities,hesitation to be exposed to the community is a sorts of disadvantage.It does not mean that I must show my behaviour with my wife to all people .LOL

Kimberley( Keith Burgess) is a senior member of our MWO society who has started a recent thread here after writing a book named The recovery formula : An addicts guide to getting clean and sober .Available in Amazon.

Lets have more sharing !
Dix

[dixon]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

Nelz;1366077 wrote: With ya on the open book Dix........we have all made mistakes, we will continue to make mistakes. Lawd knows I have made some doooosey's and Im totally ok with people knowing.


Keep it up Dix

No worry Nelz,
Abraham Lincoln was not become a President of US in a single attempt !!
"A extreme secular turns into religious very quickly other than a average person "
We have more chances not to spend a life in boozing rather than a fresh boozer .
We will do..just why not practice to learn from so many mistakes and turn into so many good.
Person who does single mistake do a single good . Is it LOL or fact Nelz ???
Dix

[dixon]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

Doggygirl;1366086 wrote: Hi Dix! Great post! What came to mind as I was reading your ideas is the notion that I cannot change anyone but me. I cannot "work on" anyone but me. I can't "work on" or change my husband, friends, family members, etc. I am learning to trust that if I just focus on being the best person I can be - learning more all the time, the rest of life and the people around me will happen as it should. (not necessarily as I want!)

DG

Hi Doggy,
How is Mr. Doggy ??
You are truly coming over here ,yes nobody can change us !!
I will keep it in my mind .It would be one of my three Mantra.
Hoping more supporting words . I also entertain with any criticism and comments too.
Dix

[pixie]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

dixon;1366108 wrote: Thanks flyaway,

Number 3 is related to be open to the society so that everyone knows what's I am doing .Its like a life of a prime minister or celebrities,hesitation to be exposed to the community is a sorts of disadvantage.It does not mean that I must show my behaviour with my wife to all people .LOL

Dix, that makes a lot of sense to me. There have been recent discussions on other threads about 'coming out' to friends and family about the depth of our drinking problem. In the beginning many of us want to protect our secret, because not only do we not want to be labelled, but it also gives us an out if we fail. When we feel confident enough in our sobriety to be open about it, we're exposing ourselves which can be very scary, but is very powerful too.

Of course being completely open with everybody can be detrimental in some situations, career-wise for example, so everyone needs to weigh the pros and cons for their own situation.

I also liked DoggieGirl's summary - we can only change ourselves, so we should focus on that, not on what others do or say.

Lots of food for thought - thank you.

[dixon]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

pixie;1366122 wrote: Dix, that makes a lot of sense to me. There have been recent discussions on other threads about 'coming out' to friends and family about the depth of our drinking problem. In the beginning many of us want to protect our secret, because not only do we not want to be labelled, but it also gives us an out if we fail. When we feel confident enough in our sobriety to be open about it, we're exposing ourselves which can be very scary, but is very powerful too.

Of course being completely open with everybody can be detrimental in some situations, career-wise for example, so everyone needs to weigh the pros and cons for their own situation.

I also liked DoggieGirl's summary - we can only change ourselves, so we should focus on that, not on what others do or say.

Lots of food for thought - thank you.

Thanks pixie with your views.
I now remember that an enlightened person never get scary to any difficulties.
May be we are in the path of enlightening in the world of boozing .LOL
Dix

[dixon]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

Hello everyone!
You all know I have made three commitments on my 100 days celebration.
No.1 Sober life: still does not have any problem or difficulties to stay Sober so not thinking of any plan.
No.2 Attachment: it's a big problem to me.I am deeply attached with the relationship of wife and husband,so any disobedient from my wife is fully concerned to me.I know my wife also wants the same from my site.

We know that we can't have any control over others life,so it is the reality but I can't accept this which has been adding up the miseries and depression in my life.
She doesn't like to favor me so we both either can give divorce or stay together?.It's a big problem.
I can't get married to other woman cause I can't believe any women now.Ladys sorry here!.I respect lady as a friend but get jealous if my wife has any men as a friend.Moreover,I can't get a marry with those ladies who has broken up with their ex.or already been related to someone.I feel that the lady is used by others already so it's like a second hand.I feel how some one would have enjoyed her already so I bacame worthless myself.I apologies for any assaults for the helpful ladies here!!!.I want to give the respect and want the same from others but I can't give respect myself.it's a big attachment problem to me.
Fellow how do you accept someone as a wife who has already married to others?
People say it's my 2nd,3rd,even 4th wife,husband,but I could even not imagine?
Isn't it a big obstacle to me?

I will go for no.3 once I settle down it a little bit.I am going to go make a action plan for this so need of yours input please?
Any sharing for here are welcome by heart.
Dix

[dixon]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

Its a reminder to myself.
I will post more about it later ...Meanwhile any suggestion please ?
Dix

[dixon]

100 days~ 3 x commitments!.

My progress with my commitments.

1. Cool with the commitment 1. No problem yet !
Struggling with the no two and third through my other new thread here and making some researches in internet .Hoping to be cool with them as well .I am aware it takes a time.
Dix