GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

[Kradle123]

It's early in the day I know but I've been feeling SO FRAGILE lately I have taken to reading through back posts where people have generously documented their SLIPS - Minor and Major and then how they felt and dealt with that experience the next day.

I am really finding these stories compelling and they are really helping me to steer clear (so far) from ending up back on a Day One :upset:
Reading through everyone's thought process, feelings and determination surrounding the slip is hard to read for me sometimes as I'm sure it's hard to write!! But it really helps get the lay of that land...

So I got the idea ( OK Byrd gave me the idea ) of making a small compilation of people's stories here. Having them all in one place, all at once is probably what I need right now so my thread is rather selfish and I apologize.

Well, thanks to anyone who wants to contribute. I don't have my own story yet but I feel close and just want to stay focused .

Love :h & Hugs :l

PS: I also apologize if this thread already exists!

[K9Lover]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

Hi Kradle!

For some reason, day 40 was always a challenge for me. I must have made it to day 39 three or four times and then BAM! I have no explanation of WHY...I guess maybe I thought I had this problem solved, that I didn't really have a problem, because really, is drinking once every 40 days THAT bad?? But see that's not what happened. It wasn't one day. It was usually 2-3 weeks of drinking every single night. Falling back into the abyss of despair, anxiety and depresssion. Driving after too many drinks. Sending drunken texts and emails that I was embarrassed about the next day. Waking up in a panic over what I did or didn't do the night before. So basically, I was back at square one...which proved I didn't have the problem solved at all.

My advice is nip any romantic feelings of drinking right away! Don't let your mind see anything good about alcohol. Remember where it has lead you in the past. Alcohol is not your friend and never will be. Don't be fooled.

Stay strong, you CAN do this!

Love,
K9

[FreeFly]

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Hey Kradle, stay strong sweetie. You don't want to go there. Just slipped off 26 days and it freaked me right out. The anxiety was much worse than I'd experienced before and much, much quicker to get there - one bottle of vino did the trick. I think this thread is a great idea for easy access when beginning to wobble. You're doing great, and this is just a wobble. IGNORE! :l:l Remember, you hate alcohol and you don't drink!

[mama bear]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

I have made it to 30 days so many times Kredle that it is RIDICULOUS.
I feel like crap. I fel quilty. I feel anxious. I have a pissed off husband. And I have no fun.
So finally, it got through my thick head.....what is the FREAKING point......
be strong sweetie.....you'll be happy you did

[ThreeDogNight]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

Hi, Kradle.

My story is too long to post, but it's there in all my posts here on the forum. Had just oer six months when I slipped in late May, then relapsed for a short time, then had six days, then another relapse that lasted almost a month. Never got really drunk during that month, but got caught by a very disappointed husband a couple of times before telling myself I just couldn't do that any longer. So have 12 days now and come here every day, usually a few times a day. It helps so much.
Stay strong!
TDN

[dixon]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

mama bear;1367227 wrote: I have made it to 30 days so many times Kredle that it is RIDICULOUS.
I feel like crap. I fel quilty. I feel anxious. I have a pissed off husband. And I have no fun.
So finally, it got through my thick head.....what is the FREAKING point......
be strong sweetie.....you'll be happy you did

Mama,
I think fun is within us , there is nothing to get from others so please go inside you dam expect anyone's help..You can do more days.Just think about me if you feel down.Alone ,no friends,extended family,broken up with my own family....in abroad too.
I am doing ,so why not you ?

Dix

[dixon]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

Kradle,
Never lose your hope , it comes real one day .
Hugs,
Dix

[nicelife]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

Hi Kradle,

I'm approaching (17 days to go) having a whole year under my AF belt - AGAIN. I slipped after 6 years of sobriety. I told my tale about the relapse, and Mr G put it somewhere for future reference as it got heaps of responses. Have a peek (search under my posts I guess). It sure ain't pretty (no relapse ever is IMHO) and it may give you an insight into the reality of a relapse - mine anyway!

I thought I was absolutely in control, stronger, wiser, a brand new me with so much more confidence, a different life. I could leap tall buildings with a single bound for dog sake - surely I could have a drink every now and then! Ha!!!! Not a freakin' chance honey!!!

Our journey with AL is an individual, personal, self directed journey. We make choices about how we want our lives to be. It really is different for everyone.

I wish you all the strength, courage and peace with your decisions and the outcomes.

Hugs, Nicey. :l

[Supercrew]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

I look at it this way, I had my relapse/slip/error in judgement after my first 180 days sober, two things happened, one, nothing, and two I rewired my brain just a little to think I might be able to handle it again. Then I had another small slip about 2 weeks later and again, nothing major happened and I rewired my brain a little more to think I don't really have a problem.

After a couple more small slips, I went right back to where I was before my 180 days, and went on a 3 week bender that landed me in the ER. The problem with slips that have no consequence is they retrain our minds to believe that we never really had a problem. So I will never fault a slip, but make sure you remember that everytime you slip you are just rewiring your brain a little. If there are major consequences that equate to pain, it might be your last slip if you catch yourself, if nothing bad happens you just told your brain that pain does not always occurr when you drink, so then all of the sudden the choice to drink comes back into play.

I was lucky...if you call ending up in the ER lucky, because that equated to the utmost pain, I thought I was going to die, and I hate hospitals. It made a lasting impression on me, and basically I decided that I would never let it happen again.

[mama bear]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

Kradle....
let me clarify...I AM doing it ...now
but it took alot of screw ups along the way...
Molls is right.....just one sip is poison for us alkies

[K9Lover]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

Hi Kradle,

I agree with Supercrew's post. I'm actually more scared of a "slip" that doesn't have any damaging effects, that would tell my alkie brain that drinking is ok! So instead of taking that gamble, I just don't drink....it's like Russian Roulette, you may get away with it for a while, but eventually you'll find the bullet.

Stay strong friend.

K9

[hadit]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

HI kradle and everyone. I went 40 days AF and thought I could handle it ! Yeah right, I am an alcoholic!! Why on earth did I think I could handle it.......went straight back to daily heavy drinking in a few days. Still struggling, but I will never give up the fight!! Thanks for starting the thread and keep strong, others have beat it and so can we!!! :thanks:.

[LillyE]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

Kradle,

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling fragile but this is a great idea for a thread. I hope we can all help each other avoid learning the hard way by learning through other's experience.

There is definitely a big part of me that fears I haven't hit rock bottom enough to really never drink again and will therefore relapse. Reading stories here of the misery people invariably feel when they do does help keep me strong too - it's a good reminder that that 'one drink' we crave is unlikely to be just that. One of the most helpful tools I've learnt here is the 'playing it forward' concept. So, when thoughts of that nice "glass or two" creep in I imagine myself drinking far more than I intended, waking up hungover, all the consequences that would go with that, having to come here and admit to another day one and so forth. Imagine it in as much detail as you can!

I agree with what Supercrew and K9 said about how the ones where nothing bad happens (right away) are actually possibly the worst. In my year of trying to get to 30 days I would quite often have my first time drinking again literally be just one or two. But INEVITABLY, and usually very quickly - like within a week - I would be back to a binge. I also often found that a break would lead to a particularly bad binge. For me this means drinking really heavily a few nights in a row (never been a daytime drinker - yet) and then suffering horrendous anxiety and depression.

I completely relate to starting to feel like you've got it beaten so one or two would be no big deal. In my case, I start to think "Would it even be so bad to have a binge 'just every now and then?'. *Smacks forehead* (Well, yes, unless I want to go back to square one in recovery.) So, for example, FreeFly saying that just one bottle of wine led back to the horrible anxiety is a wake up call for me - thanks for sharing that FF.

NiceLife, I remember finding your story really powerful before so I just found it again. Here it is:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ber-62294.html

[LillyE]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

And well done on finding your way back! I'm so happy to hear that you're closing up on a year!!!

[nicelife]

GOING OUT BUT COMING BACK IN

Thanks Lilly!