Me, Myself, and I...

[fluff]

Me, Myself and I, had too much to drink- this evening- sat by the pool- had a gin and tonic -and then some...-listened to great music- stared at the deep blue sky, looked at the glistening pool and felt -so in the moment. Can I feel that way without drinking?

[fluff]

Me, Myself, and I...

Guess I have to try it -to know how it feels- stupid post- sorry.

[fluff]

Me, Myself, and I...

Thanks Doo,
The sitting by the pool and having the g/t's just made me think that this can be just as nice without inebriating myself. I have spent too many years doing this and I'm ready to call it quits. I've been in and out of this site at first with a fervor and then slowly just posting in odd places then just reading- all because I could not commit to quitting.
I have a son entering his senior year in high school and a daughter entering her sophomore year- I would like them to remember me as being there in the evenings and not being tipsy. I would like to remember what the hell I watched on tv last night, too.
So, I am ready to start this again- and I really feel stronger than ever.
So, I am finishing my coffee and off to work - when 5 pm rolls around- I will look forward to being sober if it's sitting by the pool, or watching tv- it will be with water and I will love it.
There is nothing I will miss about drinking-because in hindsight there is nothing good that it ever did for me-but cause misery and shame.

[Sober Visitor]

Me, Myself, and I...

Hi Fluff,

I had many moments like you described when I was drinking and thought I'm "so in the moment." But that's just about how long the illusion lasted for me before I was no longer feeling "so in the moment" but very sick and tired of deluding myself.

I have so many more "so in the moment" moments now that I'm sober, and what's so great about them is that they're not an illusion. They're REAL, just me, myself and I, and never followed by regret and despair.

I'm so glad that you're going to give yourself another chance to experience the real inner peace that sobriety has brought to my life.

[mama bear]

Me, Myself, and I...

well said Sober
I often see my kids laughing or my hubs being silly and I feel very "in the moment"
or when my cat purrs!

[K9Lover]

Me, Myself, and I...

doo-doo;1368177 wrote: you shared.. thats GOOD. these forums make you THINK you MUST focus on Sobriety, when most of us are drinking? who really gives a shit. all this STOP drinkin poop is poop.:goodjob:

When most of US are drinking? I'm sorry, but MOST OF US on this forum are NOT drinking. Please speak only for yourself Doo-Doo.

[fluff]

Me, Myself, and I...

Okay , now I'm pissed- and not pissed -drunk- pissed angry- I just spent about a good half hour writing in here-almost a novel-and got timed out! I 'm too mad and tired from writing all that stuff just to have it float away into some internet abyss.
Well, I'll get back to it tomorrow-I'll just write it down in "Word" and copy onto here.
No big plans for the weekend-Saturday just the usual chores-Sunday taking my daughter to volleyball practice.
Making stir-fry for dinner and hanging out with my kids tonight. My husband, I know, will be drinking.
Looking forward to waking up to day 2 and having my coffee!
Hope everyone has a happy sober weekend!

[fluff]

Me, Myself, and I...

Day 2-
I had the worst night sleeping- I could not fall asleep and just tossed and turned staring at the clock watching each hour pass by-I guess I'm used to the alcohol putting me to sleep.
I think by the third day your body adjusts as I recall.
Had coffee and did the crossword puzzle and now off to Starbucks with my daughter to get an iced-green tea and salad.
Maybe somewhere I can sneak a nap in-
Still have house chores to do-but keep putting them off.

[fluff]

Me, Myself, and I...

Sober Visitor;1368282 wrote: Hi Fluff,

I had many moments like you described when I was drinking and thought I'm "so in the moment." But that's just about how long the illusion lasted for me before I was no longer feeling "so in the moment" but very sick and tired of deluding myself.

I have so many more "so in the moment" moments now that I'm sober, and what's so great about them is that they're not an illusion. They're REAL, just me, myself and I, and never followed by regret and despair.

I'm so glad that you're going to give yourself another chance to experience the real inner peace that sobriety has brought to my life.

Hi Sober Visitor- I did respond to you in the lost entry that I was pissed off about-
I wanted to thank you and say that I want those sober "in the moment" times- like I had when I was a kid- when real life stuff was fun and there were a lot more things to do and create, and look forward to instead of sitting on a couch for four hours drinking the night away.

[fluff]

Me, Myself, and I...

Day 3-
Still having trouble sleeping-all I want is a good nights sleep...is that too much to ask for? Sipping my coffee and looking outside-looks like it's going to rain.
No withdrawals, except for occasional night sweats-but I'm thinking that has more to do with a certain aging process....
I am taking xanax-a low dose- to stave away any possible withdrawal symptoms.
I can hear others awakening so I'm off of here for now.

[Sober Visitor]

Me, Myself, and I...

Hi Fluff,

Congrats on racking of the AF days! You're doing great!

I struggled alot with the sleep fairy in the beginning too, for about 6 months, in fact. I just tried to keep my eye on the prize and remind myself that sobriety wasn't what was causing my sleep issues, it was my 30-year trip down alcohol lane. Alcohol wreaks havoc on all our bodily functions over time, numbing more than just the things we wanted it to numb. Think of Ryp van Winkle. For me, it was like coming out of a very long sleep.

Truthfully, my first year was not a true depiction of what sobriety has become for me over time. I didn't bounce back as quickly as some seem to do and had to do my fair share of white knuckling through the first 6 months. Getting better and learning how to feel and live again was a very gradual process for me, but I'm still humbled and amazed at how quickly we do recover, realtively speaking. I don't say this to scare you or anyone off. I actually say it to give you hope and to remind yourself that you are always exactly where you need to be in this process, because too many people let their expectations get the best of them and give up before allowing the miracle to happen. It's not like one day I was an alcoholic, and the next day I was living a happy sober life just because I had stopped drinking. I had hormones out of whack that had to get balanced, areas of my brain that had to snap back into gear, a toxic liver that needed to heal, emotions all over the place, coping skills to be relearned, and so on.

It's all just part of the process of getting well, and we can make it so much easier on ourselves if we can remember that each AF day, no matter how hard it is in the beginning, is a very necessary stepping stone to the ultimate goal (prize) of living a happy sober life naturally.

Just keep doing what you're doing and trust the process!

Sheri

[FarfallaP]

Me, Myself, and I...

Hi Fluff,

Sitting by the pool WIthout an alcoholic beverage was VERY hard for me at first but I have now trained myself to expect and LIKE an apple and an iced tea or lemonade.

I do the same at 4 pm every day, before the supper hour prep, and then eat at 5 or ASAP so as to get around the witching hour. In fact, having a Special drink available to treat myself every day is a big help.

also, I used the calms forte to help with going to sleep and during the night, which Roberta Jewell recommended, it is OTC at Walgreens or CVS.

Lastly, I lose posts all the time...very frustrating!

good luck. FF

[willow20]

Me, Myself, and I...

made a fool of myself in front of my husbands whole family what an idiot just like a flipped switch i became an idiot don;t remember any of it just the shame now.

[choice]

Me, Myself, and I...

Hi Fluff I can really relate to that feeling I think you were talking about when drinking.

(."-listened to great music- stared at the deep blue sky, looked at the glistening pool and felt -so in the moment. Can I feel that way without drinking?")

It took a long time sober, but YES! You can feel "that way without drinking"... Only it's better. I never thought it was possible. I feel more in the moment now then ever. I'm pretty convinced that I was addicted to AL and so had to re-learn how to get my brain to do that without a cocktail. It sounds weird but it was kinda like learning how to be happy.

I don't log on much anymore but I did a few nights ago when I couldn't sleep. Your post kinda has stuck with me for a few days and I wanted to respond. I've been AF for about 2 years now minus one night. During that night drinking I felt that feeling... the one that I think your talking about at the pool. The one that I didn't think I would ever stop longing for. I can't say it wasn't "amazing"... but it was sorta scary too, kinda lost and lonely. That evening I felt like I was "in touch" with myself and my emotions... I was observant and everything had some type of bigger meaning.

I guess what sorta freaks me out about that night is how now... It doesn't talk AL to get there... and it feels SO much better being real. It scares me to think how out of it I had been for so long on some type of numb escape. I do feel more like how I did when I was a child now... enjoy the simple things in life so much. The sky is so beautiful drunk or sober. It's just sober... sometimes we forget to look up... especially when we grow up.

Since I came here, your comments on my threads have always felt so thoughtful and supportive. I think your doing a good job. - Choice

[fluff]

Me, Myself, and I...

Day 4-
Sheri, Farfalla,Choice
Thanks for all the kind responses and great information-I am looking forward to sobriety instead of being afraid of not drinking-
I actually had a decent nights sleep-took a melatonin capsule and it put me to sleep for a good portion of the night. I want to taper off the xanax after I get some significant alcohol-free time under my belt.
Willow-I know how you feel-are you quitting now? I'm sorry for the pain you feel -remember it's not really you it's the alcohol that's doing that and turning you into that person you are ashamed of.
Gotta head of to work- maybe roast a chicken for dinner- the supermarket is right next door to where I work and that makes it pretty convenient.I work from 8-1pm so that makes it easy enough to get dinner stuff and go home eat lunch and then clean up what ever needs to be done. Wish i could find the time to get on the treadmill again. Ever since I started my job I've lacked the desire to exercise because basically I'm on my feet for 5 hours-but I haven't gained any weight i've actually lost maybe 4 pounds.
Thanks again for the encouragement!
Hope everyone has a great day!