Is anyone having luck with moderation?

[Raven2012]

For most of my life, alcohol has been good, fun. It's only been the last five years where I see problems. So when I think about change, I see a 30 day shift to no alcohol, then a slow re-introduction to normal drinking. Has anyone on this forum made a successful switch? In Roberta's book she talks about moderation as an option. That's one reason why I was keen on the program. I've had more good years than bad and am still fairly young so a lifetime of abstinence seems scary to me (and my spouse)

Should I find another forum? Am I not deep enough into trouble to be here? I think not
because I've had major embarrasments on all fronts due to drinking. Work, Social, Family. It's amazing I'm still here and still have a job and family.

But still, no job loss, no divorce, no DUI, no illness, injury, etc.

Can I moderate? Has anyone had luck here?

[mario]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Hi Raven, I myself never succeeded in controlling or moderating my drinking,It was always to hard and I always fell of my targets,Check out this thread and it might help, good luck

Monthly Moderation - My Way Out Forums

[LillyE]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Hi Raven,

This is such a hard question to answer. If you read around you'll find that many here haven't had success with moderation and it seems to be a general consensus that true moderation isn't really possible for the true alcohol addict. But there are so many issues and variables and I don't want to tell you that you can't moderate not even really knowing your situation fully. It sounds like there are certainly some warning flags going on. (Maybe if you tell us more about those and why you are worried about your drinking people might be able to give you better input?) So, either way, whatever you ultimately decide, it's good you're here trying to figure this out.

At the end of the day only you can really work out whether you can moderate and whether your drinking is worth whatever consequences you're having. I too have, and still do, struggled with the idea of total abstinence forever so I know where you're coming from. That said, a lot of long timers here will tell you the benefits are well worth it but, again, that depends really on what drinking does to you. And remember it's not always about how often you drink or how much - and comparing oneself to others can be dangerous - but what happens when you drink. I will say though that if you see a progression in how much you're drinking and the negative consequences from it and your ability to stop when you want to then it's something you need to give serious consideration to at least, as these things tend to get worse, not better.

As Mario pointed out, the Mod thread might be a good place to ask your question and see what people there have to say. Also, this might be a good place to start in thinking about where your drinking falls on the spectrum. Do you recognize your own progression in this?

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...ism-44263.html

Good luck and keep us posted.

Lilly

[199days]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

IMHO trying moderation is just a prolonged case of torture, everytime I tried in the past my whole life and thoughts become consumed with alcoHELL.

Million times easier to just not drink.

You are not losing nothing but gaining everything by not drinking.

Wish you all the best.

[Sunbeam]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

I drank moderately pretty successfully for three years. But I got tired of the struggle, of the fact that I would go over my limits not always but regularly. My drinking problem was not as severe as many of the stories I read here, but it was still a problem. My problem is that I am not satisified with 1 or two glasses of wine like a normal person. Drinking more than that is not good for my health problems, and I have plenty of those. Now I don't want to drink. I have quit, but have made a couple of recent mistakes when I caved and drank. Ugh! My af time is increasing, and I am grateful for that.

[Sober Visitor]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Hi Raven,

I think everyone here has tried to control their drinking at one time or another in the past and has learned from their own experience whether it's possible. From what I have seen in my 3.5 years at this forum is that most of us come to realize through trial and error that moderation isn't possible and finally reach the point where we're ready to surrender the idea and accept that living AF is the only way for us to truly be happy. A few do seem to succeed with the rules they set for themselves but many of them have said that it's very hard work and the obsession to drink never leaves. If you search out Roberta Jewell's posts, you'll see that she has since reached that same conclusion for herself and decided to give it up.

One red flag that jumped out at me from your post is that you seem to think that because you've had no job loss, no divorce, no DUI, no illness, injury, etc. that maybe you're not that bad yet. On the other hand, you say that it's amazing that you still have a family and job. I used to go by that criteria as well, but denying that I had a problem with alcohol didn't make me any less sick. In retrospect, if I had had some of those things happen to me early on in my drinking career, perhaps I might have stopped sooner instead of prolonging the inevitable and taking the very slow and painful self-destructive route to my death. Sadly, there are many who die from their drinking without ever having a job loss, DUI or divorce.

I also couldn't imagine a life without alcohol, but now that I've broken free from the addiction and I'm actually living the AF life I couldn't imagine, I know with certainty that I never want to go back to drinking again. No one else could have convinced me of that though. It was something I had to find out for myself, as we all do.

Just some food for thought from my own experience.

[Nelz]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

The idea of moderation...at least for me, scares the bajeeebus out of me.

Wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too many people on this board have tried and failed, and had to start all over again. Im just too lazy to try again.

Ultimately that choice is yours, but even you said in your post it was a "problem"

Good luck and strength with whatever road you chose

[LibraryGirl]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Hi Raven. I am moderating. Come and join us on the Long Term Moderator's Thread. Right now we're in the month of August: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f3...uad-67223.html

We have a member who is AF right now, and has not decided whether he will mod or not. There is no pressure, and I do recommend at least 30 days AF. I hope you make the best decision for YOU.:l

[Supercrew]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Sort of a funny thread, even though my mouth said, "I want to moderate", my brain always screamed, "I want to be Drunk!". If you have to come to a forum to see if moderation is a possibility, you might be a problem drinker. Enjoy the forum.

[LibraryGirl]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Actually, just like these forums are here to help people who want to stay AF (how hard is it to just not drink??? Do you like that question?), they are also here to help people who want to be mindful of their drinking and moderate successfully. I posted a link to the Long Term Moderators forum. It's been a part of these forums since the inception as well.

[pixie]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

I think we all (or most of us) wanted at some point to be able to moderate. I also think that most of cannot moderate successfully, at least in the long run. I think there's some who can, though my guess is that number is pretty low. There's really no way to get an accurate count even if you took a poll here, as there's too much bias involved in who comes here, who sticks around and who disappears for that to be an accurate sampling.

That makes it somewhat of a controversial subject here, but in the end it's up to each individual to work it out on their own what they can/cannot or want/don't want to do in regards to their drinking. If you have it in your head that you can moderate, then no talk from others is going to convince you one way or the other - you need to take a path and decide for yourself.

[mommyKW]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

How does one deal with social situations where AL is offered and the expectation is that everyone drinks? i.e.: you are a "fish out of water" if you refuse to drink and people look at you funny and ask uncomfortable questions. Especially at parties with friends that know you as someone who drinks and pressure you to have a glass? How do you explain your new behaviour without giving away your dark secret? Some of these are good friends we've known for years and I would not like to keep giving excuses for not attending their parties or not having them over as they would expect AL to be served. I have already excused myself out of a couple of social engagements and I do not want this to be the norm.
Also, my DH has stopped drinking to support me but he mentioned that he wants to have the occasional beer every now and then - this is a definite trigger for me. I do not want him to have to give up AL forever due to my weakness. I thought moderation could be an option, but am not sure.
I'd appreciate any advice or personal experiences. Thanks

[bicyclesurfer]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Raven2012,
If you were a moderate drinker, Why did you look or find MWO?
Ask yourself: Have I tried to moderate in the past? How did it go? Not so good Im guessing?
How many hangovers have I experienced? How many more do I want?
If you have had some success in quitting and now have this bright idea" Hey Ive quit, I can possibly drink again?" Thats the alcohol or the belief that there are still SOME benefits talking, trust me!
Also, You must still believe some or all the Brainwashing out there about alcohol. The smooth TV ADS, etc, that there is some kind of value or benefit. Thats why you are missing it. You are still believing that there are benefits.
What everyone responding is saying is this: Do you have to make yourself sick again, see your health fail, lose your nervous systems ability to give you contentment, make an idiot of yourself in public, say things you later regret, etc?
Those who escape realize that its all a lie. Nobody NEEDS alcohol, they just believe they do.
Remember too: The two primary forces who want you to drink are:
Advertisers
People
Listen to those who have escaped and who now enjoy life, not thinking about the poison anymore and are perfectly fine and normal again.
Read Jason Vales " Kick the drink-easily"
Unlearn the brainwashing. Be free!


mommyKW,
How do you deal with the crowds and friends who drink? Its amazing that Alcohol is the only drug that when you quit YOU now have a problem!
If you told all your friends at the party, that You don't do crack or heroin anymore, they would congratulate you! But only if you now prefer to be sober, YOU have the problem?
Actually one of the best ways to SEE how stupid alcohol is and how unnecessary it is, Is to do just that! Refuse anything and watch everyone make complete fools of themselves! Be sure to stay late at the party, because it only gets better (or worse) as the alcohol brings out the fighting, obnoxious comments, arguing, the DUI's, God forbid, what else could happen to you, not to mention the next day when you wake up refreshed!

"How do you explain your new behaviour without giving away your dark secret?"
Being sober is perfectly normal, You have to first believe it! Just tell folks you are allergic to the stuff, laugh it off, feel sorry for them, but you got to get your head together about what you deep down believe about drinking. Keep reading the forum.

Best to you both, Bicyclesurfer

[FlyAway]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

I don't know if it's possible or not, but under no circumstance do I think that 30 days is enough AF time to consider moderation.

[Wildflowers]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

:welcome: Raven 2012

Glad you found us! Of course this forum is for you!... It's for everyone!

Raven 2012 is welcome here at MWO! This site is diverse & somewhat segregated, imo. I believe it was created for everyone! There are people here who are using this site to go AF, moderate, & practice harm reduction. Accomplishing their goals in a variety of methods. This often takes quite a bit of time to figure out!.... It sure did for me!... I am very grateful to be alive & to have been lucky enough & have good genetics to have escaped as well as I have!

Some people are passionate about their views, which is great imo. I do what's best for myself! I'm passionate Now about being AF. Yet, I try to remember how long it's taken me to get here. I'm not as far out as some in my sobriety, so I still remember to try & remain humble about it, tho not always. I hope that I remain so!... I tend to hang with people who are or have the same goals as myself, which is what I'd think is normal. I get excited & also get scared for some people. I've attended funerals in the past too. I know this shite can kill. Especially if a person is truly addicted, ie physically & mentally, like me. It's reoccurring & progressive!... Tho, it has killed some who aren't addicted, some who don't even drink.


There were many ~ many times I enjoyed my alcohol in the past!.... It made me feel good!.... The dopamine rush. I liked gettin my buzz on! Even normies like my hubs, has occasionally over done it in the past & puked. It was explained to me in op-rehab that everyone drinks to change the way they feel, regardless of why, ie, physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual problems or lack of them.

In hindsight, I also minimized my problem too!... Was self medicating with alcohol, using it to escape emotional ~ mental pain. Later also found it a great anesthetic for physical pain relief as well & used it as relaxant for anxiety. Which after prolonged use, it ended up causing me other physical ailments & more anxiety.

It does appear that Raven 2012 is now beginning to question herself whether or not her problems are beginning to out weigh the benefits of drinking or not & whether she can control, or it has more control over her. She is seeing that with time, as many of us have, that alcohol changes with prolonged use, it isn't as much fun as it once was.

For myself this cycle was repeated back & fourth for years. Tho, I didn't receive a DUI, a divorce, lose a job, a home. I came close & by all means I should have. I just got lucky, along with being clever & some other things. But, I didn't get out of this unscathed by any means & do wished I would have got out & stayed out sooner!... Yes, many of us have escaped without, serious consequences, YET = Your Eligible Too. But, then any normie is eligible as well! Visit an ER on a Sat night, esp during a full moon.

Wishing you the best hun! :l