Is anyone having luck with moderation?

[Living12]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

No
I dont think its possible I have crossed the line
no point really me and drink need to part ways the relationship is over and finished

[madmans]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Most people here have tried to moderate at some stage , some are still trying, some are still drinking some are sober, while i haven't seen any one in my time moderating long term i have seen a lot of people try and fail.
I tried for years before i came here so i knew where i stood, if i look honestly at the thought of having a drink, i don't want to modd i want to get hammered.
As far as i'm concerned if your have a drink problem you cant modd just the same as if you had a heroine, coke, e.c.t problem you couldn't just take it at lesser levels weekly long term, maybe for a while but it would get you it the long run.

[Byrdlady]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

No, is the short answer.
I have pondered weighing in on this question because last time I did I got blasted! But I seem to be in good company in my thinking here, so here goes....and you DID ask!

Trying to give up AL is akin to giving up one of the most important relationships in our lives. When you finally come to the conclusion that something needs to be done, and you come to a site like this and someone mentions moderation....well, the seas part and the sun comes out. It's as if I said, DAM, why didn't I think of this!!!! I don't have to totally quit! Unfortunately, when you can get the view from 30,000 feet things are quite a bit different. I DID try to moderate before I came here. I made rules for myself every day and broke them. When the term came up here, I thought this was the answer. While MWO was originally intended for that purpose, I think as it evolved the people became more long term and stories began to repeat themselves ( and all over the world) the site took on a different persona. Not even the originator, RJ, believes it anymore.
I bring up the relationship analogy because the first stage of grief is anger. I think that's the stage that most of us seek out help. It's just gotten so bad that something has to be done. The second stage is denial. This is a Damning Loop among us, I think. Some will literally fight to the death their right to drink AL. God bless them. I was one of them. As many here will tell you, we gave it our ALL! I personally, never drank harder than the year I moderated. When I was forcing myself to be without it, and then permitted it, it was as if I drank to make up for lost time. Then I would make a new rule, then when I allowed myself to drink, I drank more than I intended. Someone put it so well, if you allow yourself 2 glasses, well, then your judgment goes and you have a third, fourth and so on. I believe in my heart of hearts there are 2 classic signs of an alcoholic: Trying to stop and then realizing you can't...and the second is when you decide to moderate. What changed? Self awareness? More knowledge? Really and truly when I came here, I was already trying to moderate in intake...and it wasn't working then.

Lilly said that this is a progressive disease....and I see that every day here. One drink only leads to another one...period. I don't believe it is possible to go back, because you only get one brain, and it knows exactly where you left off last time. Moderators today say the same thing as moderators said 3 years ago.... they are different and it's working for them. The moderators of 3 years ago are today's AF'ers, and you are looking at one of them.

I know that my opinion isn't going to change anyone's mind. If this were a catagory on a game show, I'd say....and ALCOHOL for the win, Alex. AL always wins. When you start setting rules for yourself regarding AL, it's already got you....you might want to pull up a chair and stay a while.

So my suggestion would be to give yourself 30 days AF! If you sail thru it and have no cravings and don't want to kill somebody and the days fly by.... then by golly maybe you ARE one of the lucky ones! But if you find yourself craving like a madman, looking at your watch until you can drink again, the days pass like molasses, and you aren't sure if life will ever be fit to live again....well, you might be one of us.

Most of us AF'ers just wish we could save you the time, heartache, and liver readings of finding out for yourself, but alas...we cannot. Great question with lots of thought provoking responses....so I'm ready....blast away! Byrdie (AF and loving it!)

[FarfallaP]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Hi Raven,

So far, moderation seems to be working OK for me. I posted my story, about my fatty liver being healed, in the section for stories, in case it interests you.

Several thoughts...

1. I was truly scared for my life/health.
2. It was really hard work, to change my thoughts and my behavior.
3. I have a supportive environment and a pretty stress-free life.
4. Recurring health checks give me a concrete assessment of my progress...this is a fact, not a moral judgment.
5. I suspect my shut-off valve may be in better working order than the one some other folks have.

Like many who come to MWO, it was the moderation aspect which appealed to me, and that the program did not seem to be a one-size-fits-all approach.

I think we are all lucky to have found it, and I am very,very grateful. FF

[FarfallaP]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Also, I have started using the drink tracker on this site, which is also a bit of an incentive. FF

[Struggles 106]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

My apology to Library Girl

LibraryGirl;1368892 wrote: It's true, once again, that the "truly" moderate don't see a problem. That's because there isn't one. Those of us who are utilizing this forum for accountability, are not "true" normal modders, just as those who are using this forum for help with abstaining are not "true" natural abstainers.

What does this mean exactly?

[Raven2012]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Hi LillyE, Byrdlady I want to tell you that I am really quite appreciative of your honesty about being sensitive to giving advice that might be dangerous without knowing my situation. I only mentioned the DUI and divorce issues because when your read those "do you have an alcohol issue?" quizzes those questions show up and by checking "no" I was able to reassure myself that I "wasn't that bad". The fact is, I am just darn lucky. I have a very nice husband who drives and is patient with me. Without him, I could be checking those boxes yes and I surely have no judgement towards others because before I met him, I had a few situations where I could gotten in trouble, again, I was lucky. Anyway, my point is I appreciate the kindness you've shown in your response. I'm pretty levelheaded about it. I am taking things slow and am enjoying each day. My interest in alcohol is waning but I think of all the holiday parties coming and it's odd to think never. So for now I'll leave the door open but I know if I do drink again I never want to be the way I was again.

Farfalla, LibraryGirl, thanks for your thoughts as well. It sounds like you've found a happy medium. I'll come visit you and learn more about how you do it once I'm a little stronger.

Appreciate everyones advice.

[LibraryGirl]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Ann 221;1369138 wrote: What does this mean exactly?

LOL, I don't know how to make it any clearer. I think it's pretty obvious what it means, Ann.

[LillyE]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Maybe I'm being dense but I didn't really get what you meant by that either LG.

Raven, I'm so glad the advice has helped - glad you are here working out what's right for you - and glad that you have good support and are taking it one day at a time. Keep reading and posting - you'll work out what you need to do for you. I do think looking too far ahead can be dangerous anyway, especially at the start. As time goes by your strength and clarity will grow and you can work out better what is the best path for you.

Go well,

Lilly

[nicelife]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

I think what LG means is that both modders and abstainers are deliberately controlling what they are doing. Abstainers are not drinking, not because it is what they would naturally, desirably and easily do. Naturally they can't drink without it being a major negative factor in their lives, so they control it by abstaining totally. Same for a modder, if they don't control their intake by moderation they would be drinking much more than they want to and perhaps experiencing major negative factors also. Modders are trying to get to a point where they can have a 'normal' relationship with AL. For me I've claimed the AF lifestyle because modding just doesn't work for me!

MWO seems to offer solutions for both modders and abstainers - your choice!

Am I right LG?

Strength to all........whatever you choose.

[LibraryGirl]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Okay, if people who come here to quit AL need help abstaining, i.e., support and accountability, then why is it so hard to understand that modders also need support and accountability. AFers use the argument, "Well, true modders wouldn't need help." I could use the same argument and say, "True tee-totallers wouldn't need help either." To make it perfectly clear: Everyone who comes here is looking for support to change a bad habit. That habit being, abusing alcohol. Some people who come here are not alcoholics, yet they've fallen into a pattern of drinking more than they want to, or than is good for them. Even though they are not alcoholics, they may choose to quit drinking altogether, like so many problem drinkers and alcoholics who are members here. Others may choose to learn how to moderate, with the help and support of fellow modders.

[nicelife]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

Cross post LG.

[LillyE]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

LG, I'm sorry but, yes, your original wording was quite confusing to me. I wasn't sure what you were trying to get at exactly.

I don't recall seeing anyone in this thread say anything about modders not needing help.Yes, if problem drinkers want to improve their relationship with alcohol and drink more moderately then naturally they can use support and education in achieving that and, yes, this site can provide that in the moderation threads. I think that's a completely different topic, however.

I stand by my comment that if someone is in fact an alcoholic, and is experiencing progression of their disease and therefore increasing negative consequences in their life, then encouraging them to moderate as a first point of call could be extremely damaging and dangerous. I also feel that anyone who's been kicking around here awhile should realize this and be a bit more sensitive to it regardless of their own moderating agenda.

[LibraryGirl]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

I have never nor am I going to start recruiting people to try moderating alcohol. "Moderating agenda" is absolutely absurd and offensive. This thread asked, has anyone had success moderating. Therefore, I offered my own experience and not in any detail. Someone posted "true modders don't see a problem" and that was where my rebuttal came in, and yes it has been said numerous times before. I won't argue whether abstaining or modding is the best route. Obviously for some people there is no choice.

[LillyE]

Is anyone having luck with moderation?

LG, I'm not going to engage with you on this any further as it's not helpful to anyone, least of all the original poster, except to say that, IMHO, it is you who has responded in an aggressive manner.