I've had the opportunity in the last several days to do some thinking about my choices, my self-hatred, and the negative talk in my head.
I came to a few realizations that have been helpful. Trying to dig down into why I think so little of myself, and of course some of those seeds were sown long ago. It can be hard to replace the YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED message with a more positive one. It takes work and determination and much serious effort.
I hope to never be even close to how bad I felt that night. In retrospect when you can look at it clearly and maybe even laugh-I was thinking HELL all the fuss about a noose??? And no way to reach that high ceiling. Just JUMP off the balcony for crying out loud-that would be easy! I'm joking here; I have no intention of doing any such thing.
It's really great to find a good therapist, on ewho can really relate to your whole situation. Priceless really.
So on I plod, ever so determined to make this life a good and calm one.
Thank you all so much for being here always
Peace and love--------Ann
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