Binge drinking

[dove]

I am here rambling to try to think through some of this stuff.

So I am back reading today because I binge drank yesterday. I am a binge drinker. I don't consider myself an alcoholic but, of course, like all people here (I think), worry that I am. Usually I am a 'normal' drinker. During the week I have a drink or two after work at home - one before dinner and one with dinner - sometimes just one - sometimes none- and that is it during the week. Yes, some nights I drink nothing but if it were my choice and we had something I liked to drink in the house I would probably rather have a drink than not. I don't just drink anything in the house like I need to have a drink, you see. We often have bottles of scotch and vodka around but if one of those don't sound good - like I am just not in the mood for that drink - I would rather go without. Then on the weekends I drink a little more - you know get a bit drunk - maybe four or five drinks - and then go home. Usually when I get home on a weekend I think another drink is a good idea so I will make one/open a beer but then quickly fall asleep on the couch before drinking it and wake up to dump it out in the morning. And that next morning I pay for drinking with a headache/sleepiness usually all day. I may or may not then drink again that next night - really depends what is going on - if we are going out to some function then yes but if just staying at home then maybe one beer or maybe none. THEN there are days where I go crazy and drink, drink, drink until I am blacked out and am so sick and hungover the next day - like today - that I made up an excuse that I am sick and had to stay home from work. So....since the beginning of the year (new year's eve was the #1 time) I have done the black out thing four or five times...I know not a lot but enough to make me paranoid about lying to work and feel like shit for doing it. And now I will not drink today and may think about having a beer tomorrow evening and may even have one but won't have more than two until Friday - because then it is the weekend - and will then have four or five drinks and wake up Saturday morning with a headache. If I could just stop those few black out days I would have no problem with my drinking. Many of you may be saying - 'oh, she lies to herself' - but in all reality the level of drinking I do now is much more tame and under control than it ever has been in my life - except for a few month period where I stopped all together in college when it was getting really bad. I guess I just have to come to the realization that this is me and this is how my life will be. I wish there was someway to stop the random day binges because I hate not remembering what was done. Oh well, maybe someday I will be able to remind myself that tomorrow will not be good if I black out today. I wish going forward from here another black out will never happen. P.S. I think I have said that last sentance everytime I have posted so I don't believe it will ever happen.

[nancy]

Binge drinking

random??

Are you sure the binges are random? Were there any triggers or emotional events you could identify?

[dove]

Binge drinking

No triggers that I can identify other than a day off work with my hubby...who also binges with me on those days. Avoidence of lots of things I have to get done I guess...bc there were plenty of things I could have gotten done for work yesterday. But the weather was great and DH and I were hanging out...blah, blah, blah.

[nancy]

Binge drinking

day off

Sounds like if that's happening repeatedly you really need to work on it. And you can anticipate it and avoid it.
I read a book called Heart Of Addiction by Lance Dodes that was great.
He might suggest instead of scheduling loads of things to do on your day off to instead do something fun and enjoyable. Dealing with hubby's drinking is another problem.

[allankay]

Binge drinking

There was an excellent post I read on MWO a few days ago about the difference between being an alcoholic and being a drunk. Not all alcoholics are drunks. They are the people who you may see in the streets, drinking in the morning, during the day and in the evening. They often homeless as they have completely lost control of their lives. In my opinion an alcoholic is someone who can’t stop drinking when he starts. He drinks for the sake of drinking. He can and does drink alone. There is no stop button just an off switch when you pass out or drink untl you get sick. And the most horrifying and common, you become a different person and do things which you would never even think of doing when you're sober.

I think one of the best indicators is also the speed of alcohol consumption. When I am at a party or a BBQ i see people drinking a 330ml bottle of Bud for an hour, enjoying the sun, the burgers and a good conversation. I on the other hand down 3-4 of them to feel the buzz and then continue drinking until the night is over.

Yet alcoholics still has some control of their lifes. Alcoholics can be very successful people (Buzz Aldrin, Ben Affleck, Gerard Butler...) but they change and lose control when they drink. Many of us are in denial of our problem due to the accepted nature of this behaviour in Britain and some other Western countries.

Monday mornings gossip is often about who drunk what and in what quantities, involving passing out, vomiting, sexual misbehaviour. And everyone thinks it’s just part of a good weekend. These are signs of an alcoholic, there are so many of us though that it’s hard to recognise the problem and seek treatment.

ALLAN K.

[dove]

Binge drinking

Nancy - I guess I don't really consider four or five times in a year happening often - or were you referring to the avoidence of work stuff that needs to get done bc that DOES happen often no matter what - I will find anything to avoid work lately. Sometimes it is just days spent tooling around on the internet instead of doing all the paperwork hanging in the never ending to-do pile.

It is really the guilt and anxiety of not knowing what happened the night before that really makes me feel crazy after a black out night. If I am hungover but remember everything I don't feel guilty the next day. And then when I am really hung from a black out night I get nothing done the next day too...so I just avoided two days of work by my drunken day/night.

There are plenty of things I could do instead of drink - running, yoga, walking the dogs, biking - but all that stuff is work as well and it is much more appealing to just open a beer and then I avoid doing that type of work too.

[nancy]

Binge drinking

how often

Ok I assumed you thought it was happening too much for your comfort level, seeing as you were calling in sick. That's why I said repeatedly.
One thing that was interesting about the book Heart of Addiction was that the author said that addiction is a way of coping with a loss of control. It's a misguided way of gaining control with very bad consequences. And in fact the author used examples of people who were working too much and gained control by getting drunk. I thought about that a lot and it's really true. You put a lot of pressure on yourself and then you need an escape. Is there anything you could substitute that would be genuinely fun?
The author also used examples of people who couldn't stand up for themselves in their relationships with others.

[Slaythefear]

Binge drinking

nancy;1373786 wrote: Ok I assumed you thought it was happening too much for your comfort level, seeing as you were calling in sick. That's why I said repeatedly.
One thing that was interesting about the book Heart of Addiction was that the author said that addiction is a way of coping with a loss of control. It's a misguided way of gaining control with very bad consequences. And in fact the author used examples of people who were working too much and gained control by getting drunk. I thought about that a lot and it's really true. You put a lot of pressure on yourself and then you need an escape. Is there anything you could substitute that would be genuinely fun?
The author also used examples of people who couldn't stand up for themselves in their relationships with others.

Nancy, that is so true. When you start gaining control again, it is so empowering to continue to apply that to all areas of your life. In light of the relationships and not standing up for yourself, I had posted this video on a thread somewhere on MWO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrNxvpTDo_s&feature=relmfu[/video]]Gabor Mate on the hidden cost of stress on peoples' health. - YouTube

[nancy]

Binge drinking

control

Yeah, it is applicable to every area of life. I really like the approach in the book, which is by a Harvard psychiatrist and not some untrained self-help guru. He says drinking is just like any other compulsion. It's not some mysterious disease. If you take a step back and address those times when you feel out of control or when you are forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do directly, you don't need the compulsive behavior as a fix. I did wonder whether the book would be appropriate for really heavy drinkers. But for sure it's a huge help with binge drinking.

[allankay]

Binge drinking

Slaythefear;1373971 wrote: Nancy, that is so true. When you start gaining control again, it is so empowering to continue to apply that to all areas of your life. In light of the relationships and not standing up for yourself, I had posted this video on a thread somewhere on MWO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrNxvpTDo_s&feature=relmfu[/video]]Gabor Mate on the hidden cost of stress on peoples' health. - YouTube

Slaythefear, its nice to see someone on the first few weeks. How are you getting on, have you had any strong cravings, come across any barriers? I am almost 1 week in and it feels great, everyday I feel stronger, lighter, more calm and clear.

ALLAN K.

[Slaythefear]

Binge drinking

allankay;1373976 wrote: Slaythefear, its nice to see someone on the first few weeks. How are you getting on, have you had any strong cravings, come across any barriers? I am almost 1 week in and it feels great, everyday I feel stronger, lighter, more calm and clear.

ALLAN K.

Hello Allan. I posted a thread on the 'Just Starting Out' forum. I started reading here during the first week and then on day 8 started posting. I'm doing well, but it was hard the first 9 days. I felt lousy. Day one is never a problem for me as I'm hungover and don't want to drink. Day 2 can go either way. By day three, I want to go back at it. This time, I feel stronger and more determined to stop and from the past experience I don't see me as a moderator. It never works. I may moderate the first couple times, but soon I'm back to having no idea how much I drank and blackouts, so it has to go for good! Who needs it anyway. It's a psychological game and programming that needs to reprogrammed and won. My mindset is different this time and that will make all the difference and is making a difference. I'm on day 14 and feeling better physically and mentally. I'm liking myself again and gaining my confidence back. As my mind clears out, I'm making a concerted effort to pay more attention to my exact triggers in real time as well. I acknowledge it, but swat any thoughts of taking a drink or quitting right out of my head before it has anytime to take root. I can't change things if I am intoxicated, so why go that route?

This is a good forum to gain support. Just reading people's struggles and successes helps a lot in the battle. I feel trying to help others helps as well. I gain a bit of strength through that. You sometimes end up talking to yourself while you are talking to someone else. It's reinforcing.

Best wishes.

[dove]

Binge drinking

I do use binging/drinking as an escape...if I am drunk i will not worry about and cannot do the enormous amount of work there is to do but if i go do something else and stay sober i feel tremendously overwhelmed while i am doing it so i don't enjoy it and then feel guilty that i didn't do the work i was supposed to....the guilt of the hangover the day after a binge takes over the guilt of wasting time drinking and not working and then by the next day i am back at work. yes, that is me. i just want to be independently wealthy or something and then i wouldn't have to slave away at a job! Sigh....