Forgiving yourself

[Sunbeam]

I am working my way through my recovery list, my personalized list I adapted from the current last post on the toolbox thread. I understand that forgiveness is not forgetting, but letting go of the anger. But just how do you go about doing that?

I feel much better about myself these days, I have a great life and a lot of strengths. It is probably something that just happens over time, as I replace all pieces of my life that were previously occupied by alcohol. I SOOOO regret the time in my valuable life I wasted, damaging my health and especially how I have deceived my husband about my drinking.

I welcome all thoughts on this.

[Lavande]

Forgiving yourself

Sunbeam,
Learning to keep your thoughts in the present really helps
Whatever happened in the past is history now & can't be changed. No sense in dwelling on all that.
Focus your energies on the new & improved you. Build on your strengths a little each & everyday

Lav

[CanToo]

Forgiving yourself

Sunbeam, although I am new at this I have to agree.

Here's something I read yesterday. I hope a piece of it speaks to you as it did to me.

~ CanToo

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters ? whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents? house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won?t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.

Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts ? and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.
Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ?ideal moment.?

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person ? nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.

This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Paulo Coelho

[Sober Visitor]

Forgiving yourself

I try to view all my experiences, including the negative ones, as teaching moments that helped me to learn and grow and evolve into being a better person. I've learned the hard way that beating myself up and hanging on to regrets and self-loathing not only hurts me, but everyone around me, because I can't possibly operate at my best in that state of being and will inevitably set myself up to do even more things to regret. From my own experience, I believe it's more selfish and unproductive to remain stuck in that negative place and that I have a responsibility (a civic duty) to treat myself with compassion and forgiveness if I have any hope of treating others in kind. So, in order for me to love my neighbor, I have to love myself. It absolutely needs to begin within me to flow out to others, but in years past, my neighbors would not have wanted my kind of self love. This is what helps me the most.

[Sunbeam]

Forgiving yourself

Thank you friends, for all of your thoughts. CanToo, your quote was thought-provoking on so many levels, thanks for that. The more time I spend asking and discussing questions like this, the lesser my chance of relapse, I believe.

[nancy]

Forgiving yourself

forgiving others

I think it's useful to look at how we would treat someone else who did something wrong and regretted it. If you can forgive someone else you can forgive yourself. And if you haven't been forgiving of others, the fact that you haven't lived the perfect life should bring about a change and compassion toward other people.

[NoraC]

Forgiving yourself

Sun - this is great. You are really helping me just by listening to your positive attitude.
:h

[Sunbeam]

Forgiving yourself

Dearest Nora, I am delighted to hear that.

So have you forgiven yourself? You don't need to post your answer but it is good food for thought. I think I mostly have, but occasionally I have a day when I am very hard on myself.

[WannaBreakFree]

Forgiving yourself

This is the hard one for me:new:

I am trying once again to stop the A. I am looking forward to reading the posts here and hopefully cutting through this chain that is holding me down and ruining my life in every way.

[Sunbeam]

Forgiving yourself

Welcome, WBF. There is much great support here. On the Tool Box thread, under monthly abstinence, you will find lots of ideas you can use to achieve your goal.

As other posts on this thread have suggested, it does take time to forgive yourself, as well as actions to make you feel better about your self in general. Helping others here is a great way to begin.

[mama bear]

Forgiving yourself

I have done some awful things to my family that still make me cry at times. It gets better every day, and vocalizing my regret and staying sober are the best cure for forgiveness I can offer. I know you have a deep faith Sun, and knowing God forgives us really helps, too.
Love and hugs to you friend

[Sunbeam]

Forgiving yourself

Thanks, Mama. Yes, my faith is one of my strengths, and it has enabled me to come this far. One of the points on that recovery list says something about not depending on just one strategy. So I use my faith every day, but am also trying to reach beyond it.

[WannaBreakFree]

Forgiving yourself

Thank you Sunbeam.:thanks:

[mario]

Forgiving yourself

Living today "you never do anything right"

Some of us carry this accusation deep in our minds, perhaps from childhood. We remember past mistakes & failures, sometimes dredging them up again when new failures occur. When we do this,we unduly burden ourselfs with a past that should be released & forgotten.

The result of past mistakes was a feeling of inadequacy and helplessness that prolonged our sickness.In those troubled days,we were trying to solve our problems in ways that actually made the problems worse,on that path,there was no hope of a real solution.

Today our failure & mistakes are but signs that we are still human and still fall short of perfection.but now we can use failure to good advantage and even learn from it,our best progress will come when we separate ourselfs from the mistakes and failures of the past.

[allswell]

Forgiving yourself

Life is always going to be a work in progress. How long can we beat ourselves up over the past? To put away the past is easier said than done I suppose but I'm at a place right now where I devote 100% of my energy to the here and now. Making thoughtful decisions, learning from the mistakes of the past, and looking forward to a bright future - that's all I can expect from myself and I am ecstatic at the direction my life is in - sans baggage and alcohol.