Tail Between the Legs Thread

[nancy]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

boredom

I think you should work on the boredom and loneliness. And you could do that even if you are not succeeding with your attempts at quitting drinking. You don't have to be a perfect non-drinker before you improve your life. Can you make a list and brainstorm ideas for working on that? Can you plan trips to Toronto so you can look forward and plan? Skype with video with friends from there? Take a course? Maybe develop some attachments in the closest French city by going there and taking a class for a week? Since you gave up a lot for your husband maybe he can help you get out of your rut.

Personally I don't view loneliness and boredom as excuses. There are factors that make drinking look very attractive and if you work on those, you may be able to cut down.

I also wonder if some short term psychotherapy would help. You could talk about the loneliness and boredom and how it's contributed to a drinking problem.

[nancy]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

and to Ann

And as to what Ann said. When you involve friends/family in your problems, you may cause them considerable upset. Then they feel ownership about your recovery. They may be angry because they might be the ones who have to pick up the pieces.

[IAD]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Ummmm. That's not my tail between my legs....Ha! ( Deep thought, huh!?!) Ha!

[FreeFly]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Hiya Tipps, been tipped off about this little thread you've got going on here. It's one I can totally relate to but wish I couldn't. Wish I'd been one of the folks to find this site and then just kick the damn thing. Too many day ones to count. Having said that I've also had too many AF days to count so that makes me very happy. I think it's a great idea because skulking back in for me has been hard more often than not. Just want to wish you strong resolve to move forward as I wish for myself. Thanks again

[dixon]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Tipplerette;1378480 wrote: Good question, Nancy

Boredom is what hubby says I am trying to relieve. I was born and raised in downtown Toronto and now live in the countryside in a French speaking environment. I speak enough French to get by but miss out on so much when in a crowd. I sit there quietly and it's boring. it's a litlte disheartening too. I think I am a little sad that I gave up my world to join hubby in his. But that is no excuse to drink although wine does alleviate some of that sadness/boredom. Everything else in our relationship is fantastic and we need to live where we live because that's where the business is.

if I didn't drink, I might find other interesting things to do to keep myself occupied. I hate TV (except the Wednesday night comedies) so that's not a good option for me. Anyways, that's the best I can do and it was a good exercise to have to admit that i am sad. Not really ever done that before as I feel so lucky to live in a cottage by the river and have a house on a lake with a beach no less. Just a bit lonely.

Tip,

can you imagine how lonely you would feel if your hubby leaves you because of your alcoholic behavior ??
It would be more devastating for sure .
Anyway please keep going with good thoughts.
Dix

[hadit]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

What a great Thread, Thanks Tips for starting it. If you are the Queen of slips then I have surely got to be the king! I read lots of posts, but to be honest, have slipped so many times , I really don't feel qualified or worthy of offering advice to anyone else. k9, Mamma Bear and Prairie, you guys are allways there offering sound advice! Good to see u are here!:h:h

[NoraC]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Tipp - I also have to say - THANKS for this thread. I think that there are so many people that feel like they can't come back here because they feel like they have failed. I know that I distance myself from here because I am angry, ashamed and feel like such a failure.

But, you are so right Tipp! We do want to succeed. And, we should come back here and we should keep working at this. We are going to do this.

Thank you!!! :l:h

[TheSunFlower]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

I have always thought there should be a thread dedicated to "slippers".....what I don't like is the hardcore abbers chiming in to make you feel bad.

What I think is important is progress. So many times I have left here....feeling like a failure and giving up. When I look back on it now.....I could not see the progress I was making towards my goals. I spend most of my time in a Harm Reduction group. Everyone's goals are different....but, the more time I spend with them....the more abs time I get.

Sometimes for me the "One Day At Time".....is great.....we all live life one day at a time honestly. But....."coding it as One Day At a Time"....when we all know its forever......and if you fail...you are shit....doesn't work for me.

Sometimes...I do a reality check.....am I wanting to go to the beer store because I really want to drink? Usually the answer is no. Usually, I just want to stop the emotions.

My Harm Reduction group works for me....because there is no pressure. I can drink anytime I want.....I just don't want to. I don't have to think a drink through......I can just say I want to drink.......and nobody comes on and tells me how I should live my life. I honestly think the nature of MWO has been lost.

If you are downing 2 bottles of wine a night....and reduce that to 3x a week with one bottle of wine....is a huge success.....only AF days count here. It drives so many people away....and keeps them drunk.

I think I would love to see....."My Success Today".....if you are abs....if you cut down your drinking....if you slipped an need advice......and nobody has to come in and ask you "what if you lose your husband" kinda stuff. Support from all realms. Its just not here. And as much as people think that kind of post works.....usually finds that the person they said that too never comes back. Ever check the member list.....and see the number of members....then look at their number of posts....its sad. If they took out the number of people who did not post in the last 12 months.....the memebership number would dramatically decrease.

But, if this group wants only HARDCORE abbers.....there are other sites for that....and it is sad to see do many people driven off.

I log into MWO out of boredom sometimes....not because it helps me. I have found the more freedom I had in my drinking choices....and have support....is what helped me. It is so sad when I see someone come on here trying to Mods....and get driven off. If someone slips....they are driven off. And some of the remarks that are made.....are the very things that can make a person drink more. But, if they were treated with respect....most likely they would decide on abs for themselves.

I think the treatment for addiction is flawed.....and the remarks made here.....can keep people in the rabbit hole longer than needed.

[kuya]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Fantastic...once someone become sober...they tend...

Fantastic...once someone become sober...they tend to go off on a bender of sober. I usually see that same person come back here drunk. Do what is right for you.....



That was you SF a few days ago, attacking me for giving my honest opinion to someone, not exactly saintly are you?

Yeah you are right mate, the comments made here CAN keep people in the rabbit hole longer or undermine the efforts of the newly abstinent to help, try and take away their new and fragile confidence.

We all say stuff that may sound shitty to others but if the intention was to help then that is the best we can do

[TheSunFlower]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

KY....thank you for posting exactly what I was talking about. I doubt I ever posted that I was a saint.....but, I will say that I do not like people attacking each other. And I never addressed you before....as you never said anything I was offended by. Maybe you read too much into yourself:0 And KY....if you need to say something to me....maybe it would be better in a PM....not for the whole world to see what an ass you are. I post that publicly...because that is the exact type of abuse a person doesn't need and should not take. It should not be tolerated. But, heck there is freedom of speech....I am just way more careful with my words....and I don't put judgement on anyone.

KY...I can only hope that you are drinking and that is your excuse....because if you did this sober....you must have been a real ass as a drunk.

[kuya]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

TheSunFlower;1378734 wrote:
KY...I can only hope that you are drinking and that is your excuse....because if you did this sober....you must have been a real ass as a drunk.

You seem to have found the PM button now SF ....... Shame it took you so long!

I note that your last wish is that you HOPE I am drinking......errrrmmmm That seems to repeat your sentiment in your original post. I think your problem is you can't get sober and you resent people who can.

And FYI I WAS a quiet drunk, no late night calls , no DUIs, no violent scenes ........ Just quietly drinking myself to death.

So I will put now put you on ignore and go on my merry(sober) way :H:H:H

[Nelz]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

TheSunFlower;1378718 wrote: I have always thought there should be a thread dedicated to "slippers".....what I don't like is the hardcore abbers chiming in to make you feel bad.

What I think is important is progress. So many times I have left here....feeling like a failure and giving up. When I look back on it now.....I could not see the progress I was making towards my goals. I spend most of my time in a Harm Reduction group. Everyone's goals are different....but, the more time I spend with them....the more abs time I get.

Sometimes for me the "One Day At Time".....is great.....we all live life one day at a time honestly. But....."coding it as One Day At a Time"....when we all know its forever......and if you fail...you are shit....doesn't work for me.

Sometimes...I do a reality check.....am I wanting to go to the beer store because I really want to drink? Usually the answer is no. Usually, I just want to stop the emotions.

My Harm Reduction group works for me....because there is no pressure. I can drink anytime I want.....I just don't want to. I don't have to think a drink through......I can just say I want to drink.......and nobody comes on and tells me how I should live my life. I honestly think the nature of MWO has been lost.

If you are downing 2 bottles of wine a night....and reduce that to 3x a week with one bottle of wine....is a huge success.....only AF days count here. It drives so many people away....and keeps them drunk.

I think I would love to see....."My Success Today".....if you are abs....if you cut down your drinking....if you slipped an need advice......and nobody has to come in and ask you "what if you lose your husband" kinda stuff. Support from all realms. Its just not here. And as much as people think that kind of post works.....usually finds that the person they said that too never comes back. Ever check the member list.....and see the number of members....then look at their number of posts....its sad. If they took out the number of people who did not post in the last 12 months.....the memebership number would dramatically decrease.

But, if this group wants only HARDCORE abbers.....there are other sites for that....and it is sad to see do many people driven off.

I log into MWO out of boredom sometimes....not because it helps me. I have found the more freedom I had in my drinking choices....and have support....is what helped me. It is so sad when I see someone come on here trying to Mods....and get driven off. If someone slips....they are driven off. And some of the remarks that are made.....are the very things that can make a person drink more. But, if they were treated with respect....most likely they would decide on abs for themselves.

I think the treatment for addiction is flawed.....and the remarks made here.....can keep people in the rabbit hole longer than needed.

I come away from this board with a little different perception than that. This board is overflowing with support, caring, love, and understanding.

I understand everyone is different in what they are looking for and need to aid their recovery. I have seen countless people slip, and not admonished for that. Quite the opposite, there is never any shortage of people dusting the person off, helping them back on the horse.

Not one person on this board is here to run off or admonish another member for any reason. We all have different experiences and results. No one is better than anyone else, we are all in fact just humans, fighting together, this most formidable opponent.

I do know that sometimes thoughts in peoples heads, dont translate well on the computer, and misunderstandings can easily happen.

This board has been a godsend for me in my recovery. Although I have never met anyone here, I feel as though there are people I would not want to let down(/waves to nicelife) so it has a certain accountability for me.

No one is going to stop drinking until "they" are truly ready, I am qualified to make that statement, I had hundreds of day ones.

Why dont you start in the modders section, then if you want you can abstain?


I hope you find the support you need, wherever it is

[Tipplerette]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

WE ARE LOSING THE POINT OF THIS THREAD.

[porqoui]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Tipplerette;1378891 wrote: WE ARE LOSING THE POINT OF THIS THREAD.

And just to reiterate what that is, original post from Tip:

"I am starting this thread for those of us who have tried and failed and are too embarassed to come here when we`ve made and broken so many promises to ourselves and to our friends here."

Let's keep that foremost in our minds when we are replying to post particularly on this thread.

PPQ

[Tipplerette]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

We need to be able to be vulnerable, to share the naked truth of our relapses, and to be able to take that next tentative step towards control or abstinence, whatever our goals are, without fear of criticism.

So, if your tail is between your legs and you feel like a loser, you've found the right place. We want the battles to take place elsewhere. Sunbeam, Kuya, please continue to post on this thread. We are here for you ..