Tail Between the Legs Thread

[mama bear]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

just here for friendly support for anyone that may need it
Hope you are ok today Tips

[Sunbeam]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Hey Tipps,
Thanks for noticing my previous post, it did seem to get lost in all the different conversations. I have changed my avatar to a SUNBEAM BIKE to avoid any confusion. If I had known sooner that there was such a thing as a Sunbeam bike, I would have already been using it. I LOVE to ride my bike.

My previous post mentioned the list I have recently found very helpful, which can be found as the current last post of the toolbox thread. It is called 101 ideas to stay clean and sober. I have saved and customized this list for my own neeeds. I like that it contains lots of food for thought. It takes lots of ideas to form a path to sobriety, and this is just the tool I needed. I hope someone esle finds it helpful.

[cuckoosnest83]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

I'm here with my tail between my legs. I want today to be day one but have such a difficult time because I live alone and feel very isolated. When my ex and I first got together I moved to a different state to be with him so he could be near his children. My family, friends, etc. are in another state. I tried to sell the house to move back to my familiy's state but only had 2 prospective buyers in over a year. Unfortunately, I put my house on the market right when the sub-prime mortgage fiasco hit. Does anyone have any advice for people who live alone not to let the chatter get the better of them. My plan tomorrow is to get out of work for a walk and then go to the gym. I have kudzu and L-glutamine and also googled nutrition for recovering alcoholics. I've been trying to beat this for years and did fairly well the first 2 but since then there has been a lot of back sliding. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Wildflowers]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Hi Tipplerette,

It's wonderful to see you back here & posting! This is an excellent thread!!!!..... I so wished I would have had a place to come, where I felt no embarrassment, guilt & shame!!!... I can't tell you how many times I felt like the biggest failure on the big blue planet!!!....

I mean I'd go thru times of getting so frustrated & sometimes that would motivate me to try again for the gazillionth time, then to just give up again. Saying crap like I might as well drink to the bitter end. I've tried so many damn times to get sober & failed, I give up!... This went on & on.... for yrs. Even my hubs would say just get as many days as you can. Of course there were times he threatened to leave me to. I mean I felt so utterly alone. My family gave up on me, AA gave up on me, I even felt my HP didn't love me. Frankly, I'm surprised I'm even alive. Then there was that awful night, that I've never shared about, still not ready. Yet, I was still in denial, along with the fact that I hadn't found " MY WAY OUT ".

There is no wrong or right way to get sober!!!... Or like Nelz & others have said, maybe to find out if you can Modd, or use harm reduction. Then go AF or not. Some can & do go AF from the get go. It's not always about how much or how often a person drinks, it's about the behavior & how it leaves a negative impact on our lives, loved ones & society. There is wide range. From personal experience over time it generally will continue to get worse! I'm a true alkie!.... Whatever your problem is now or in the past with alcohol, none of us want that to happen to others, so come on out of hiding, your wanted, loved & welcomed here!.... You will find support, help, encouragement, tools, laughter & sometimes disagreements here at MWO!.... :h The disagreements parts are OK, cause it's just part of life, like a family, it happens, but then it resolves it self.

The main thing is this thread is a safe place for people to come out of the rabbit hole. I know I ended up not trusting anyone, maybe a characteristic of addiction & other issues. I even became afraid of people on the Internet that they would make fun of me. I was filled with so much shame, fear, self image & esteem baggage, that it felt as though I was carrying a ton of bricks & oh did it hurt!!!... It still does, but not to the same extent. Sobriety is the gift that keeps on giving!....I couldn't risk feeling vulnerable, as I didn't trust people! I still have trouble with this today, but it's better!... There was MB & a couple of others at this site who when I was in lurker mode who posted just the right words, that allowed my head & heart to feel safe enough to join in.

As for the loss of friends, loneliness, boredom, & maybe feelings of betrayal. I have experienced this too. Even this summer & back when I was sober yrs ago. Tho it still hurts a bit, I've forgiven & let go, as they don't understand & were really only fun acquaintances & the others whom I've known for yrs have their own issues around drinking ( Tho not severe like mine were ). So, I understand that they aren't alkies like me & still enjoy their drink. Maybe next summer I will be on more solid ground with my sobriety. Now that you will have your Internet up at the Lake you will have so many things to help with boredom, along with all the other great suggestions.

I don't know if you think your thread would be helpful to the newbies, lurkers ( I don't like that word so much), folks who left & may want to come back. For myself it took me quite a while to navigate this site & figure out whats what. In fact still am puzzled once in a while. Maybe if you'd like, give it some thought about posting your original message under just starting out, need help forums too, maybe giving this wonderful thread more exposure. Just a thought, like I said it's your baby & you choose Tipp.

We've been on vacation, brought the lappie, was so happy to see you back here! Found this new site last night, was to tired to read much, as 2nd part of vacation is work projects at home. Going to be PW & staining decks coming week & wknd next.

I love my sobriety Tipps!!!... I never thought it was possible!!!... From sadness, despair, hopeless, depression, prison, confusion, wanting to die! To happiness, hope, freedom, joy most the time!... Plus I'm exercising, eating & thinking healthy!... I'm smiling again!!!.. Oh crap I'm going to cry! Yes, I'm great! Ooops another thread, it's a must visit. :H Oh yeah the website hahaha....

cbtrecovery.org

PS. Read a good article on self acceptance, but the title on the right hand side is called " I desperately need to be OK". I think the front pg is a lake to. This site looks like grrrt!...

Luv,

Wildflowers :l

[Wildflowers]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

cuckoosnest83;1379006 wrote: I'm here with my tail between my legs. I want today to be day one but have such a difficult time because I live alone and feel very isolated. When my ex and I first got together I moved to a different state to be with him so he could be near his children. My family, friends, etc. are in another state. I tried to sell the house to move back to my familiy's state but only had 2 prospective buyers in over a year. Unfortunately, I put my house on the market right when the sub-prime mortgage fiasco hit. Does anyone have any advice for people who live alone not to let the chatter get the better of them. My plan tomorrow is to get out of work for a walk and then go to the gym. I have kudzu and L-glutamine and also googled nutrition for recovering alcoholics. I've been trying to beat this for years and did fairly well the first 2 but since then there has been a lot of back sliding. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi cuckoosnest83,

Very happy you are back here & starting your day one! Never ever give up! It can be done!!!!...

I'm married, many ~ many times have felt very alone & isolated. I think it's all part of this addiction. In fact from everything I've read over the yrs, addiction wants us to isolate & I've often felt alone, even when I was in a room full of people!....

The good news is, with sobriety I've noticed many of these feelings & the chatter in my head has mostly disappeared!... It just takes time!... I've found time is a gift & not a threat!... Please try to be patient & gentle with yourself!... Treat yourself with the same love & respect you would another person whom you care & love!.... :h

Some of things I've done are what you are already incorporating into your plan. Like Exercising, eating healthy, supplements. Don't forget lots of water, with fresh lemon if you can, tea, baths, soft music, sing, hum. Also meditation tapes, or free on line one. I use visualization, talk back to critical inner voices, sometimes I just accept it wont go away. Stay busy like your doing. Movement of any type can help to change your brain, releasing endorphins, dopamine, serotonin. I also do easy Yoga, breathing, body ~ urge surf. Aromatherapy, I love lavender & tea tree oil. I also pray alot!.... I've also learned to challenge my thoughts, practice mindfulness, flip my thoughts, & turn them around. It takes practice, & commitment..... Looking at the glass half full, not empty. Gratitude & thankfulness about life, the same with drinking & sobriety. Years ago I use to journal when my private counselor, op~ re-hab counselors & many different AA sponsors suggested it.

There are also f2f meetings you can attend. WFS, Smart, AA, SOS, Lifering, etc.

I'm sorry about not being able to sell your home. Yes, it was ~ is a fiasco, to say the least!... Have you tried putting it back on the market? I'm sure your aware of the record low interest rates that are taking place now! Plus incentives for 1st time buyers, investors & there is talk of more. I know it would help if you could be closer to your family for that additional support! Maybe now is the time to try & sell again.

Really glad your here!!!! :l There is hope!!!! :h You can do this!!! :cheering: Love your name. Makes me smile! Not saying your cuckoo, I know I am sometimes & I do laugh at myself alot more now that I'm sober. Plus, I ended up getting a bodywave in my long mane that somehow ended up being a perm, so when I get up in the morning my mane looks like a cuckoosnest :wow: Now I have no choice but to either look even more :nutso: or spend hours using the curling rod, or have to borrow my daughter's straightener. Perhaps, I will buy some chocolate cocoa puffs for treats. Yee Haw

[Wildflowers]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Hey Tipps,

I forgot to mention that a big part of my journey in drinking b4 it started to really head south, was that my hubs drank with me to. However, I was the blackout drinker too many times to count. But, even in the end (last couple of yrs) there were times that I could manipulate him into either drinking with me, or buying me some more. Even when I'd already consumed alcohol, I'd lie & trick him, avoiding driving myself. This was after many times he said never again. I'm also a good business negotiator.

Honestly, I could be crowned, or the runner up in a competition for the relapse queen!!! Hiding in the rabbit hole too!!!. My head & spirit hung so low!!!

I've also had my panties twisted in a knot here. Wanting to get the hell out of dodge. Sometimes a break is just what I needed. Ebb & flow. Other times ignore. Most the time it's all good. But, as one of the relapse & rabbit hole queens, I know from many years of repeating this self defeating behavior, it's the worst thing in the entire world for an alkie, or problem drinker do to themselves!.... Please don't take to long of a break!!! Even if you don't choose to stay connected at MWO, I beg of all of you to not isolate & please stay connected elsewhere with others who suffer from this addiction, or serious problem.

I will mud wrestle for these titles. As for you two ladies who have had a few words, how about a jello wrestling contest, kiss & make up? If anybody was drinking? Hows about initiating. Ref's in charge Scottish man & who else? Scratch all wrestling contests, & kissing. Too many peeps here will have far too much pleasure. The making up & restoring the purpose of this thread would be nice. Oh yes, the delete option is available.

I'm so very glad you started this thread for people Tipps!!!!... I just know there are peeps out there who might need this. :h

[porqoui]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Hi Cuckoosnest83 and :welcome:

cuckoosnest83;1379006 wrote: Does anyone have any advice for people who live alone not to let the chatter get the better of them.

I hear you. My chatter drove me crazy. It got to the point I couldn't even understand what it was saying, it was just very busy going around in circles. I found reading helped and when the chatter would start taking over again, I'd read outloud till it stopped, even if only for awhile.

When I started searching out online help, it was because I was lonely. When I found MWO my loneliness ended.

Sorry I couldn't be more help, just wanted to share my experience. PPQ

[mommyKW]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

This thread is for me? thank you Tipps for starting it. I've tried time and time again to stay on the wagon but keep falling off. I set a goal of 30 days and once I made it to the finish line, I fell off. It was a gradual but slippery slope and I'm almost back to where I started.
I love my husband very much and am ashamed that I put him through what I do. It is a sure test of his love for me that he stands by me and I hate what I do to him. I sense his frustration but I feel so weak sometimes.
Re. the question about "why" we do it? I wonder about that myself. Boredom? self-loathing? troubled psyches and "gremlins"? Stress? Childhood abuse? Depression? Anger? Or are we just making excuses?
Also, it does not help that the culture we live in encourages alcohol as a social stimulant. Most of the shows on television feature scenes involving the use of alcohol and that is a definite trigger for me. Then, the social circles and feeling "ashamed" to not want to drink and trying to find an excuse for not drinking when it is the VERY THING you are fighting hard against.

MWO was the best help I ever had. This community is not judgmental but kind and encouraging, which is why I turn to you. It helps to know that there are others like me. I used to be a "lurker" but after reading similar stories and understanding how much that helped me, I want to share my own struggle.

[scottish lass]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Hi Tipps and friends, ignoring the squabble in the middle as I need this thread how it was intended.
I am copying another post on a thread that I just made, but I really like the premise of this thread so posting here too - it is hard to admit defeat, so writing it twice is not what will help, but I can copy and paste......
so with tail between my legs, but looking for the support to struggle on (feel as if I am in a storm storm pushing forward....)
If you can't be supportive, please don't reply - I don't need tough love just now - I am moving forward, just not quite quick enough:thanks:

Not the weekend I wished for, or led myself to think I would have - BUT, it wasn't as bad as the previous one either!
Last weekend I bought two bottles of wine, drank them both, bought a third and drank it
This weekend I bought two bottles of wine, drank one and woke up and poured the second away - I am proud of myself, but let down that I did not do better.
I have so much going on in my life just now, that I am really struggling and catch myself at weak moments - I will just keep swimming, just keep swimming and achieve what I want and need in little steps - eating the elehant one bite at a time.

[FreeFly]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Stalking you Lassie! Right there with you. We CAN do this

[mama bear]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Bravo Scottish lass...really!!!!!!

[K9Lover]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

SL -

I'm proud of you for cutting down. I know it's not exactly where you want to be, but you are making progress. As long as you are not getting worse, that's success in my book! Keep at it, and soon you will be where you want to be. The only way to fail is to quit trying.

:h
K9

[porqoui]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

scottish lass;1379429 wrote: ...
Last weekend I bought two bottles of wine, drank them both, bought a third and drank it
This weekend I bought two bottles of wine, drank one and woke up and poured the second away - I am proud of myself, but let down that I did not do better.

:welcome: Scottish lass...glad you're here.

I too am VERY PROUD of you. Why is it we can't just leave it at the positive but have to add in the negative? It could have been me standing at the sink!

Baby steps Lass, you are doing so many positive things right now even if you don't recognize them. PPQ

[Wildflowers]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

By: mommyKW,

Re. the question about "why" we do it… I wonder about that myself. Boredom? self-loathing? troubled psyches and "gremlins"? Stress? Childhood abuse? Depression? Anger? Or are we just making excuses?
Also, it does not help that the culture we live in encourages alcohol as a social stimulant. Most of the shows on television feature scenes involving the use of alcohol and that is a definite trigger for me. Then, the social circles and feeling "ashamed" to not want to drink and trying to find an excuse for not drinking when it is the VERY THING you are fighting hard against.

I think it's a combo of both for some people. The trick is figuring out what is what & then taking action to resolve it. The tele, rest, billboards, concerts, parties, all social circles can be triggers esp in early recovery. I think it's normal. I'm OK with the TV, grocery store, billboard stuff now, but the other things are going to have to wait until I'm ready. This is part of what I do have control over. Protecting my gift, my sobriety.

I also feel extremely grateful that my hubs has stood by me!...

[Wildflowers]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Hi Scottishlass,

Take all your victories small, big & in between. Never ~ ever give up!!!!.....I did exactly what you did so many ~ many times!.... There's a saying called your personal best. This can fluctuate & there's absolutely nothing wrong with it!!!... Unless you say so!!!. My hubs used to coach softball, football, & basket ball. He was the type of coach that used this philosophy often.

Also one of my friends here that I've learned something from & discussed with my coach is that it's best to ask a person what they need. My coach loves this persons approach best!!! There were times I needed everything, but I mainly needed love, & understanding. I was very good at beating myself up, I didn't need others adding to it!... Plus at the end I was scared to.

I remember after last yrs holidays my daughters were helping me get a plan of action together. My youngest who is now 25, said Mom, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Then she'd sing it to me. She always loved Finding Nemo. Then the 3 of us curled up & watched it.

Your going to make it!!!! We all are, we just have to not give up & get a plan. There is always hope!!! :h