Tail Between the Legs Thread

[Zax]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Tipplerette;1378947 wrote: We need to be able to be vulnerable, to share the naked truth of our relapses, and to be able to take that next tentative step towards control or abstinence, whatever our goals are, without fear of criticism.

Very well said.

Confessions:
I've tried AA but it really doesn't do much for me. The outpatient program i went to was just a joke and waste of money. I can't talk to my girlfriend because i have no idea how she would react (already lost the last wife because i confessed, even though she had no idea). My parents, while supportive initially were *just happy i could be normal* again; yah thats not judgmental or anything. I can't admit it to a majority of my friends as most of them are co-workers; im not committing career suicide.

Affirmations:
You know what has kept me SOBER THE LONGEST? Forcing myself to read this site and realizing you ARE NOT ALONE. You are NOT A BAD PERSON JUST BECAUSE YOU MESS UP. And quite frankly knowing that it is POSSIBLE TO BOTH CONTROL OR ABSTAIN FROM THIS. Even something so blindingly simple as learning that it is POSSIBLE TO TAPER BY YOURSELF SAFELY. Sorry for caps im highlighting positive things i've taken from this community!

Statements:
I commit to trying to take a more active approach in engaging with this wonderful, supportive community in the future instead of just guiltily lurking in the shadows. It might be one bent narly mangled fugly tail but when i read this site and posts like this it truly encourages me to hold it high

[Sunbeam]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Hi Zax, posting is a great step for you to take. I have often discovered what I am thinking by writing it down. Use us as a sounding board for planning your future.

Mommykw, when I first started posting here, I wondered a lot about why I drank. I have a great life, unlike so many of the sad stories I have read here. I finally decided to focus on strategies to stop drinking instead of the reasons. I know I have damaged my brain through alcohol abuse, and I will never be satisfied with one or two drinks. I plan to never drink again, though I will need to work to make that happen. I have stayed af for ten of the weeks since I started posting again in late June. Not a perfect record, but I have made great progress.

[HabitualDefender]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Thanks for a great thread Tipps. I just voted 5 stars, this topic has touched many.

I'm just trying to get caught up after a busy out of town weekend, so hats-off to all who have had to courage to come back, no matter what.

-HD

[porqoui]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Sunbeam;1379518 wrote: ...I have often discovered what I am thinking by writing it down...

Wow Sunbeam...I love it, so true, going to do a cross stitch of it.

:welcome: Zax, glad you decided to come out of the closet :H Okay the "shadows". This is a great site and Hat's Off to Tip for this thread. PPQ

[NoraC]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

I also voted 5 stars for this thread. I think it is a very important thread. Thank you Tipp!

[LillyE]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

I just want to add my support to everyone here. I am on Day 78 today (whoo!) but it took me almost an entire year of trying, and failing, to even get to 30 days AF. If I hadn't kept coming back here I wouldn't have got this far.

I also spent a year "trying" to quit smoking - apparently I'm a slow learner - never going more than 3 weeks before slipping and sliding. It's now been almost a year and a half since I've consumed any nicotine whatsoever and I am sooo happy about that fact and I never, ever miss it - ever. Never thought I'd say/feel that but it's true!

What I'm trying to say is, while I don't wish to encourage relapsing, even if you've slipped a bazillion times it does not mean you can't actually make this your final quit. You just have to keep going, have a plan in place, post here often, and stick with it.

For anyone reading here who thinks all their 'failures' means they can't quit, for many of us it is a gradual learning process. All those slips may in fact be taking you right where you ultimately need to go. The sooner you can stop slipping the better but don't use them as evidence you can't quit - it just isn't true. There are many longterm happily AF people here who can tell you the same. I know because I've read their stories and been inspired by them. I bet there are actually very few people who just quit once here and for good.

You can do it. Keep trying.

[Sunbeam]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Lily, I hate all the books I read with a character who has an alcohol problem. They either suddenly quit for good, or go off to rehab and never drink again. That's not reality as I've experienced it, nor as I have seen it here.

[Guitarista]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Hi Tip and everyone!

Hi James. You are a little off topic, but you make some relevant points. Small positive steps forward daily, can help us form good, healthy habits which get us closer to staying in control and becoming alcohol free.

Thanks for the thread Tip. :h

[Guitarista]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

jamesadem24;1379683 wrote: hen we start out on the DFW trail we do loads of "big stuff" that makes quite a difference to our situation. These include having our lightbulb moment, cutting up the credit cards and cancelling Sky and the gym.But once we have done the bigger stuff, we often feel that we are not making the same amount of progress, when in fact the small steps are helping us form good financial habits and helping us get closer everyday to staying in control and becoming debt free, or staying debt free.

Hi Tip and everyone!

Hi James. You are a little off topic, but you make some relevant points. Small positive steps forward daily, can help us form good, healthy habits which get us closer to staying in control and becoming alcohol free.

Thanks for the thread Tip. :h

[allswell]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

I agree totally with LilyE. I started coming here almost three years ago knowing I could not continue my relationship with alcohol. I tried several times to quit beforehand and had three quits since January 2010 ranging in lengths of between 3 and 4 1/2 months. Although each time I went back to alcohol I felt devastated, I also knew I learned from each quit, the length of time alcohol free became longer and time I drank between quits became shorter. My current quit (fourth) has been the longest at over 8 months so far and I truly feel alcohol is no longer a part of my life. The occasional thought pops in my head and now is immediately dismissed as ridiculous. Never quit, take the bumps and keep going.

[K9Lover]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Every slip I had was preparing me for the quit that finally "stuck". I haven't heard of anyone that got it right the first (or maybe even the 50th) time....I feel like there's no one-size-fits-all for getting sober. You'll know when you're ready. If you're like me, eventually drinking will become harder than NOT drinking. When that happens, it will STICK.

[Tipplerette]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Sorry guys, I have been without internet for a few days. Thanks for voting for the stars although I have no idea how to do that.

I have been pretty good (not perfect) but I have made an odd discovery about myself. I have owned a pretty professional keyboard for about 5 years and since I have been sober and trying to fill the evenings with interesting stuff, I have been tinkering with the keyboard and have discovered to my and my husband's amazement that I have an ear for music and can produce some pretty good music. I don't read music; just play the chords and corresponding notes. I don't know a thing about the black keys but now my interest in learning is piquied.

Being sober sure offers the 'space' for doing what we've been putting off for a long time. I bought some canvases and wooden, blank plaques along with some cheap, acrylic paint at the dollar store yesterday. I plan on painting some of my favourite quotes from the Quote section of this website for my kids... I have never painted before and am left handed which means my hand drags along behind my drawing/writing, etc... so this should be intresting.. Une Raison d'Etre...

Please continue to be join me here as we struggle to gain the freedom from the monkey on our backs. My monkey is sitting in the corner, just dying to hop back on but so far he's not getting too far.

[Sunbeam]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Good for you Tip, getting some new interests going. The world is an exciting place, once we get our heads above alcohol and start looking around. My husband started piano lessons the year he turned 50. He has played a little guitar since he was a teenager. Last Christmas he got a bass guitar, and now at age 60 he is taking lessons on that.

I'm now practicing rocking chair meditation. When I feel a little wound up I close my eyes and rock. I have the day off tomorrow, which would have been a drinking opportunity not too long ago. Sometimes I don't think about drinking, but then I leave myself open for one of those GOTTA DRINK urges. It is better if the evening before the possible drinking I engage in anti-drinking activities like this.

[scottish lass]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

Thanks all - day four witching hour creeping up - hate witching hour, esp when stuck in traffic trying to drive home....
I also agree that this is a five star thread! Thanks for being here everyone...

[windy]

Tail Between the Legs Thread

I think this is five-star Tread too and wanted to chime in a bit today. I have been sober for periods of time in the past and am working on setting goals to achieve long-term sobriety again, as it really does make me a better person. Below is something I wrote in my journal that I wanted to share with you today. It is a note to myself and not to any one person here; just little ole me. I also, want to emphasize that it really is not the number of days your are sober, but what you learn from those sober days that matters. The journey is forever, as we are all a work in progress.



REALLY?? I can’t believe that it is almost officially fall, which is such a great time of the year. Especially after the hot summer we have had. AND here I go again (never going to give up), even if it means starting over AGAIN. My plan now is to go for the 30 weeks I originally wrote about to myself earlier this month. It does seem daunting, but 30 weeks sounds a hell of a lot better than 210 days. Again, if I can go 189 days, I can go 210 days. I just need a good running start. It’s not 210 days that is hard it’s the first 15 days that are hard.

I have learned on this journey, that it is not about getting yourself on a better diet, or eliminating the booze, or excercising more that really matters. What matters, is coming to terms with the person you are and your past and really finding something there that you respect and like. Honor your past and your achievements. Life is hard; and if you deal with it honestly and tell the truth, you will find you have much credit to give to yourself. You have overcome some enormous things and have given yourself a good life, with a beautiful family. Be proud. Make some plans to be a better person, and get yourself out of this rut. Do it for your husband and your children. BUT most of all do it because it makes you feel good. Enjoy life and be thankful that you have choices and good health. Give something back every day; every moment if possible.

I am so fed up with my fits and starts. The experiment faze is over and very well should be as I have enough research now. I have found out that I like myself better and feel better AND I am (overall) a better person when I do not drink at all. Zero. I need to work on acceptance of that on a regular basis, so that should be #1 on my list of self improvements. Second will be accepting who you are on this day and honoring that person who works hard and loves very much, laughs willingly and can forgive herself.

Make a list of 30 weeks and start the 7 weeks to sobriety book with modifications, which includes tons of supplements and exercise and diet regimes. Add one hobby for this week to keep busy during the nighttime boredom period.[/I]

I want to say thanks for letting me share this today and starting this thread, where I feel very comfortable sharing with you today. I too think that many people are not here today because of the high standard that is held here in some places, which there should be, but we need this Thread too. We are all human and in need of compassion and empathy. With that we can all get what we need and want.

I feel liberated.