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    #1

    Self reliance

    Just wanted to hear your views regarding this. I've heard more than once in AA mtgs how self reliance can and is a detriment to alcoholics. I am guessing they are referring to not having a HP, but also not connecting to other alcoholics and asking for help.

    I was born and raised to be self-reliant. My dad left my mom when I was seven, and she had to work like hell to keep us in the house we were accustomed to on a secretarial budget. We were all on "free lunch" for a short time at the school, until she became very creative and sent us with walnuts with brown sugar in baggies, day old bread PBJ's, etc... I learned a lot from that, esp to NEVER depend on a man and to find my own career. I have run my life on self-reliance and really have a hard time asking for help.

    I'd imagine a lot of you can relate.
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    #2
    Self reliance

    I guess I ask this because right now, I am not self reliant. I must depend on "my man" financially while I cannot work and it is killing me!!

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      #3
      Self reliance

      I am right there with you, Mollyka!!! So difficult!!

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        #4
        Self reliance

        Guess it hasn't worked too well, huh?
        I will be sober so I can be clear and remember being a mommy and so I can be in the best place God wants to place me. I will be here! now! FREE! 12.5mg Topamax AM&PM, Ativan until safe from withdrawal syndrome & for anxiety. Thank God I Am Done!

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          #5
          Self reliance

          I'm not a participant in Aa, so I don't exactly know how they mean that, I guess it is something like independence. I think it takes a huge amount of determination to conquor an alcohol problem. Ultimately it is our problem to own and solve. I am a person of faith, and I know He will support and enable my success, but I still need to do the work. I see this as being self-reliant, but that doesn't mean I don't need both His support and the support of my friends here.
          My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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            #6
            Self reliance

            Rainyday;1387014 wrote: Guess it hasn't worked too well, huh?
            Yeah, unfortunately not so well. It worked for me, though, for a long, long time, at least I thought it was. But, really, it was all fear based self reliance...always fearing the "what-if's". That has gradually been lifted with this run of sobriety and humility. I guess I am very slowly adapting to "One day at a time".

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              #7
              Self reliance

              There's nothing wrong with being self reliant. You can be again if it's meant to be.

              I think when you are referring to AA you mean the reference of having a strong enough will yourself to overcome it. Alcoholism is tough to overcome on your own. Few do. The "book" from what I recall pretty much tells you that you are powerless and to give yourself over to a higher power.

              Self reliance is quite different at least in my book.

              Be strong and things will come together I am sure.

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                #8
                Self reliance

                IMO the concepts of self-reliance AND surrender can both co-exist...it is just difficult to work them out for ourselves. Surrender implies, ok, this is reality...I accept it. (I have this baby with colic, the boss from hell, this little drinking problem...). Self-reliance says, ... I can and WILL figure put how I am going to cope with it...(call the pediatrician , hire a sitter for 2 hrs.; ask for an extension on my project, change jobs; investigate AA, Smart Recovery, MWO .). Personally I do not think surrender needs to imply helplessness...although some people DO see it that way. FF
                . "It is only with the heart that one can see clearly; that which is essential, is invisible to the eye.". Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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                  #9
                  Self reliance

                  Farfalla- That's a good way of looking at it. Thanks!

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                    #10
                    Self reliance

                    Glad my comments seemed useful. Keep us posted on the rapid eye movement therapy idea you mentioned on the other thread... FF
                    . "It is only with the heart that one can see clearly; that which is essential, is invisible to the eye.". Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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                      #11
                      Self reliance

                      I agree with you, Far. Self reliance to me means having the confidence in myself, surrender does not imply weakness, it implies strenghth, to admit that we need help and to seek it. To ask question and seek the answer to our problems, takes a great deal of strenghth.
                      .

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