Pity Party

[Clover]

I've been having one helluva long one and can't seem to end it. I have no right to be feeling down and sorry for myself, considering that I have been blessed, BLESSED with 15 months of freedom from alcohol. But since early August, I am having a difficult time dealing with everything. My daughter went away to college, so my nest is empty. She is doing great and I had a lovely visit with her 2 weeks ago. I am very happy for her, but ... I miss my baby. My son, who lives at his dad's, is another story. He is 22, quit his job of 4 years to go back to school, lasted with that for about a month, and is now just sitting around and ... DRINKING. I am feeling so horrible about this, as I know all too well where this path leads. It is so heart-breaking. Of all things for me to have passed on to my sweet son; it is making me sick. I worry about him every single day. Part of me just wants to pack my shit and move away so I don't have to witness what he is doing to himself. Have I thought about getting a bottle and truly escaping? Yeah, sure I have. But I know it would end up depressing me so very horribly that there's no telling what would happen. So, I have at least avoided that disaster so far. I don't post much anymore because I don't seem to have anything helpful to add. I wish I could say how I've managed to quit the booze, but it is actually rather a mystery to me.

[GinaCA]

Pity Party

I feel for you, Clover. I have 3 boys 18, 17 and 11 and fear the day if they decide to drink. So far, they have been mentally educated enough through witnessing my experience with addiction that it disturbs them to see some of their friends who have chosen that path. That view can change so easily through any of life's curve balls though.

Have you thought about trying alanon? It may help you cope with the situation and feel a little better. I have met some amazing alanon-er's who have been so helped by the guidance of others when dealing/worrying about a family member's drinking. I attend an alanon mtg every once in a while and find the members so very caring and loving....part of why they are there. I often hear how they have been able to apply what they learn in alanon to not only the family member, but to whatever they are currently dealing with...discilpline issues, work, self esteem, etc...

I hear ya on the feelings about your daughter. My oldest son just started college, but he chose to go to a college close enough to commute. I was super relieved at first, but somedays....grrr! He is definitely an "adult kid" who desires his freedom which drives me crazy as far as rules, cleaning, etc.. All of a sudden he doesn't want to be told what to do by mom and dad. He's a great kid, but someday's I fantasize about him living in a dorm. It's good to see them mature and learn about life. I sure don't think I'll be thinking the same way when it's my youngest's turn. I'll probably want to keep him 'til he is 40!

Glad you came on here and expressed it. I hope it helped a little. Sometimes I learn just by putting those negative thoughts down on paper...it kind of takes some of the power out of it.

And 15 months is amazing! You should be proud! You are doing well. Hang in there, Clover!!

[Pinecone]

Pity Party

Hi Clover, I just wanted to give you some support. I can't imagine what it feels like to have a precious child go off to college. I just know I'll be an awful mess when that time comes for me. It sounds like you have a couple of good reasons to be down right now. The positive is that you are clear headed and sober to go through these challenges. I don't have much in the way of answers, but I wanted to reply.

[Wally22]

Pity Party

Clover, never mind HOW you quit the booze, just be bloody thankful that you have.
I had a long post, full of wonderful advice, but decided to chuck it all. What you need IMHO is a :ll. Hang in there, it will get better.

[Mick]

Pity Party

Hi Clover.... firstly you've done brill at 15 months.....as Molls says could be a good time to come back..as for nothing to contribute..I hardly think not..there is lots of things you have experienced in those months that you could pass on