Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

[dixon]

Hi all,
Though,I was introverted by birth ,I was able to handle my day to day life because my memory power which was too good before of an initial time of AL abuse.This was a huge support to retain my self esteem.Now ,my self esteem has gone very low after breaking up with my family .I hardly can appear within the circle of my previous friends or communities.

I do have lots of varieties of vocabularies to speak out while carrying out a dialogue. The major problem ,I am facing is they are hiding somewhere and do not come spontaneously while speaking.
Its being difficult to listen others because of concentration as my mind always dwells for regretting past and my family break up.I interrupt so many time while speaking and giving the answer .
This might be just simply because of my AL abuse.But recently I have got a last warning from my manager who is almost ready to fire me from my job if I do not improve my communication skills.When try,I cant focus on one step at a time and always stick back with so many ideas at a time.
The learning skills is almost to a null.
Tried a couple of techniques to raise self esteem but not working.
My fellows, have you got any specific idea ,suggestion,link regarding this ?
You would be highly appreciated for it or we could carry on as a discussion thread regarding this factors as I am aware most of us feeling guilty of this.
Dix

[Nelz]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

WOW Dix,

Id never have thought you suffered from esteem issues in your personal life, based on the way you come across here on the boards.

You are always witty, funny, insightful, and playful. I know its easier to be "yourself" while typing on a computer, and not meeting face to face with people.

But, IMO, you really are a valuable person, maybe you can translate some of that computer courage to real life.

I do understand exactly what you are talking about though brother, and I hope you can work out your issues.

I hope I read your post the right way, sometimes Im wayyyyyyyyyy off base on what the post was about. :H

[Byrdlady]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

I understand what you are feeling. AL brought out a side of me I liked (I thought). I was witty, quick, socialable and tolerant. I was the life of the party. The trouble is, it was killing me...I really wasn't as funny as I thought and my tolerance really wasn't that, but more like a "misery loves company" scenario. When I first got sober, I thought I'd lost ME...at least, the only me I knew. AL numbed me out of my self...the self that was a vicitim of child abuse. The person whose own mother told her she wouldn't amount to a pile of shit. My mother made me feel like I shouldn't have ever been born...and she made no secret of telling me this. So I grew up to feel that I wasn't worthy of anyone's attention or affection. AL got me over that, so losing AL was a real blow to who I was. I didn't even know who I was! It took time to find out...I had to find me. What I am finding is that I like who I am. I respect myself now. I guess a person DOES acquire low self esteem and AL makes that worse...it takes everything. But now is a rebuilding time for you. I bet that YOU like who YOU are becoming....am I right? You are no longer the person who is 'born to lose' because everyday you are alive, your possibilities are limited only by your lack of imagination. It takes TIME to come out of that haze that AL puts you in. I am finding that I'm sharper than ever now...I actually feel like I'm the BEST me I can possibly be! I am gaining confidence in myself. Something else I've learned is that EVERYBODY has low self esteem! If you will stay true to yourself, and live the best life you can....your self esteem to grow in proportion. It's as if the better you feel the better you feel! No one gets anything from sitting back in a corner....YOUR opinion matters....YOU matter!! It is a buildiing process and you are on your way!!! Stand tall and proud! You are a gift!!!

[Byrdlady]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

By the way, Dixon, I started a thread on this site today for the first time....I am not afraid anymore....I CAN do things I never imagined I could!! B

[pixie]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

hi Dix

Have you thought about keeping a journal? maybe writing down some of the thoughts that keep popping up during your day, will help you process them... get them on paper (or computer) and set them aside if you can. You could also list things you did that day that you're proud of...like a brag sheet. it might help with your self esteem to remind yourself of all the positive things.

Take care.

[dixon]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

WOW !

Supports have been pouring here already.Now, I can feel I am also someone to live in this world.
Thanks fellows you made me a man and sure will make me a star .
To be honest, I have far better perception about life.I used to end up in crying everyday after a drinking,it was happened in a train,bus where my friends were also noted me weeping.:H:H:H:upset:
At least,I don't do that now even I think of it and give a try ,its really a sign of my inner health and strengths.
In the past, everything were happening in an attempt so I wanted them again so quickly. That's the reason I am not satisfied , otherwise its wonderful.I can cope with any stress now.

Nelz,Pixie,Byrdlady -noted your suggestions !.May be I am looking for a magic ?? LOL
Dix

[dixon]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

Once again !
This does mean I am not a stronger but I am aware and thinking for better .Its not because I am AF now ,or lack of AL but wanted a quick fix .There is no deviation Byrdlady ( you :quoted: 100 % )--- it takes time !!!
But I believe there is always a room for improvements.I am just curious to know if someone has any special magic wand.LOL
Dix

[Kradle123]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

Hi Dix:

Not certain how 'low self esteem' is interfering with your communicating at your job? but the again I don't know what you do! Are you saying inappropriate thiings? Angry things? off topic things?... Not so certain that's linked to self esteem but maybe the meds you take along with the AL loss, of course.

For me at five months I am now in my VERY Angry stage... It's coming out a bit with friends but mainly with my kids and husband. I am trying hard to reign it in.
I stay aware of it. I try to walk away. I eat... One thing I'm NOT doing enough off is excersising and I KNOW that this woudl help a great deal.

If you do have a self esteem issue, may I suggest that the best way to tackle this is to DO something, to ACOMPLISH something: A project, a goal, a marathon. Maybe something physical to help deal with the sadness of being away from your family...

These are just thougths. I am trying too. I know how HARD it is. Here for you, My friend,

:l

[dixon]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

Kradle123;1393961 wrote: Hi Dix:

Not certain how 'low self esteem' is interfering with your communicating at your job? but the again I don't know what you do! Are you saying inappropriate thiings? Angry things? off topic things?... Not so certain that's linked to self esteem but maybe the meds you take along with the AL loss, of course.

For me at five months I am now in my VERY Angry stage... It's coming out a bit with friends but mainly with my kids and husband. I am trying hard to reign it in.
I stay aware of it. I try to walk away. I eat... One thing I'm NOT doing enough off is excersising and I KNOW that this woudl help a great deal.

If you do have a self esteem issue, may I suggest that the best way to tackle this is to DO something, to ACOMPLISH something: A project, a goal, a marathon. Maybe something physical to help deal with the sadness of being away from your family...

These are just thougths. I am trying too. I know how HARD it is. Here for you, My friend,

:l

Kradle,

To be aware with is a great step forward to healing !.I think you and me are doing well.There is no quick fix ! Isn't it ?
In case of me,I always use to be in thinking of something and get scared if some one appears in front of me.While I am preparing myself to listen him/her,they already finished their words and I have to ask them say again ??.Not at once but a several times in most of the cases,which is really bad for a effective communication.
That's all Kradle ,I have yet to leave the regrets behind me .

You are doing well keep it up .
Dix

[dixon]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

LOOKING FOR A QUICK FIX !! lol

[Wildflowers]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

It sounds like your mind is wandering off into your family problems when you should be focusing on listening to your clients. Along with maybe that your clients speak a variety of different languages. This is what I'm inferring & I do apologize if I'm wrong. Also is it possible they are speaking to softly?

Your brain is still healing & rewiring. Cognitive skills are still not at optimum functioning levels at 5.5 months of sobriety. At 6 months you should have increased improvement, more at 9, then again at 12 months. It keeps getting better & better. Hopefully, back at previous pre-drinking at 18-24 months you get most your marbles back. LOL


I've looked at Piracetam for help. I first heard about it hear. The meds folks here are really smart people & do a lot of research. I asked my PDr. about this a couple months back & he looked it up & said its safe & I can get it OTC. Plus it's inexpensive & it seems safe. It looks like you can get it in the UK to. I've decided to wait a little longer to see if my old brain gets better by its self. But, I don't have as much to lose, like a big job. You can read about it at Wikipedia if you want.


Also have you tried meditating before you give presentations to relax & focus your mind? Eat well, take your supplements. Have you been honest with your Superiors? Perhaps with all yours life's stress & your body is still healing, you could ask for a less stressful position. I know you have been very worried & now are on last warning for losing your job. So of course this is going to lower your self esteem even more.

Yes, I do think its very common for many of us to have low self esteem. I do!... It was suggested by an AA friend to look in mirror everyday & fake it till I make it. Say I'm beautiful, competent & I love myself!... I do believe it some days. I know when I was drinking I didn't! As I have self worth & anger issues to. I'm at almost 5 months sobriety & have been mean to hubs for no reason. Had to go apologize. Cry for no reason to. Can't remember things like I used to. PAWS & also just part of aging. Did I mention I'm female. :H

Some of the posts on your thread brought tears, good ones. I'm not alone! Except I can't find Byrdies new thread.

[dixon]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

Hi Wildflowers,

Thanks for your sharing / information regarding my problems.Yes, you are very true that its because of family issues as well as PAWS.Yes,I do serve with different ethnics and accents people,you know this is London very diverse in culture.I don't get any wrong if the discussion is long and with the same person,but a frequent change of topics and clients are a real problem.May be my brains cognitive skills is poor and cant catch up the things very quickly.My mind get diverted so rapidly even-though we are in depth of conversation so can't focus at all.

Exercise and mediation really help but you know cant manage regularly .

Your idea looking on the mirror and reward myself would be a dashing technique for me,because you know I am feeling handsome day by day !!LOL
I think my age factor is not too bad as am at my late thirty.
Dix:l:h

[Wildflowers]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

Hi Dixon,

Sorry I just saw your reply & was on other thread. Must hurry out door, but wanted to get back to you. I also suffer with same thing. When there are to many people talking in the room, along with other noises I can't concentrate. I lose my focus. I even can become a bit agitated. I reported this to my PDr. he thinks I may have subtype ADD. I'm not willing to take RX. I don't have an important job like you. Other than I may tell someone something not so nice & then regret & feel bad. I have to get up & leave room. I also can't concentrate reading when there's lots of noise.

One thing I'm trying that's been helping is I light a candle, stare at flame, concentrate on my breathing, inhale, exhale, then vision a ship at bay, taking all my cares ~ troubles out to sea. Repeat. Perhaps, try focusing on your breathing when you lose focus & mind is drifting off & worrying about family. Or picture clients all naked & try not to laugh.


WF:h:l

[dixon]

Low self esteem becoming the problem of everyday life !

[QUOTE=Wildflowers;1394463]Hi Dixon,

Sorry I just saw your reply & was on other thread. Must hurry out door, but wanted to get back to you. I also suffer with same thing. When there are to many people talking in the room, along with other noises I can't concentrate. I lose my focus. I even can become a bit agitated. I reported this to my PDr. he thinks I may have subtype ADD. I'm not willing to take RX. I don't have an important job like you. Other than I may tell someone something not so nice & then regret & feel bad. I have to get up & leave room. I also can't concentrate reading when there's lots of noise.

One thing I'm trying that's been helping is I light a candle, stare at flame, concentrate on my breathing, inhale, exhale, then vision a ship at bay, taking all my cares ~ troubles out to sea. Repeat. Perhaps, try focusing on your breathing when you lose focus & mind is drifting off & worrying about family. Or picture clients all naked & try not to laugh.

Absolutely gallant idea !!
Love it wild love it .Focusing on breathing is a powerful tool to healing so many diseases out !
Nacked picture ,wonderful ideas will try..wild will try..go ahead !!
Dix