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    #1

    Good idea?

    Hi everyone

    I just wanted to get some feedback for an idea I had. I am, by the way, still sober, adn doing OK.
    Anyway...the idea. My owm mother was a drunk and I find myself wondering about a lot of things that I don't know about her. Many things-like when and ehy did she first start drinking? Did she choose my dad because of drinking? Did she have the same self-loathing I have suffered with? SO as way of journaling thoughts and helping myself I was thinking of writing a "story" for my daughter.
    The "story" would be a chronicle of my life for her to have (later) so she can understand who I am and maybe help her understand some things that SHE might wonder about.
    Of course there's some selfishness in this too, since it will be therapeutic and cathartic for me to write this out. Actually writing it will be much better than thinking about all of it.
    Anyone have an opinion about this? This would be a long term project that I would work on a bit at a time. The benefit for me would be there, and then maybe one day she will know what my life was really like and she won't have to wonder.

    Thanks
    Tags: None
    #2
    Good idea?

    Go for it Ann, I think it sounds like a fantastic idea.
    2023 - focus, getting it done, and living the way it should be and being the person I need to be.

    Comment

      #3
      Good idea?

      i have to be honest about that. I am back and forth on my opinion on that. it could be the best thing you've ever done or the worst. You need to judge how you think your son would feel about it and go with that. don't over think it. your kids will love you no matter what. I have so many issues with my mom and wish she had been honest with me about things!
      One day at a time, no matter how many times I fail, I will get this monkey off of my back!!! :confusedmonkey:

      Comment

        #4
        Good idea?

        My idea

        I was thinking that it would be something she could read when I'm no longer around.
        She is a brilliant young woman and we have a terrific relationship. I was just thinking of leaving it for her.

        Also I had mentioned here before that I was getting rid of a lot of "stuff", attempting to clear out clutter and unnecessary things. I have done it to s degree and it is very freeing. It is easier to clean , dust and vacuum. I have to admit though that once I got started EVERYTHING began to seem unnecessary. LOL. I did keep the dining room table though I never use it, except for art projects. So I guess that is it-in my place it's an art table so it serves that purpose.

        I've been sick with some sort of upper respiratory thing for about 5 days.It has kind of starting a line of thought-my phone has barely rung during that time. It has occurred to me that if something happened to me noone would know it for a while. HAHA. I have noone to take care of things, and I have no will. Makes me think I should get something together along those lines. Not that I have $$$ or a lot of valuable stuff that matters, but still....

        ANYWAY-I think I'll start the writing project, for what it's worth. It will be something else to occupy my time while I'm not being drunk and stupid.

        Thanks

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          #5
          Good idea?

          Hi Ann,

          writing always seems like a good idea to me!

          doing it on a computer gives you great flexibility...I have kept journals over the years, and now wish I had written my notes on loose leaf notebook paper, as those pages are easier to rearrange...or throw away, if you later on reread your work and decide that some stories were NOT worth the telling! LOL. FarfallaP
          . "It is only with the heart that one can see clearly; that which is essential, is invisible to the eye.". Antoine de Saint-Exupery

          Comment

            #6
            Good idea?

            Hey FF

            I think I'll write it on paper rather than the computer. I did write an obituary on the computer to use to remind myself what can happen when drinking. Yeah it's weird I know but I find it helpful

            Comment

              #7
              Good idea?

              Ann,
              You should definitely write it, but you don't have to give it to anyone. You can decide later what to do with it. Just writing your thoughts down will be healing.
              My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

              Comment

                #8
                Good idea?

                Sounds like something you should do, but not necessarily for anyone else, as sunbeam said. I worry about you thinking about your demise, and giving everything away. Are you really okay?


                "I like people too much or not at all."                 Sylvia Plath

                Comment

                  #9
                  Good idea?

                  I wouldn't write it, let the past pain go and be thankful for the wonderful daughter you have and use the support to move on with your life

                  i spent years discussing my past and all i got was a lousy t shirt that said "dude, move on"


                  flippant there but you get my point!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Good idea?

                    iamaquitter28;1393894 wrote: i have to be honest about that. I am back and forth on my opinion on that. it could be the best thing you've ever done or the worst. You need to judge how you think your son would feel about it and go with that. don't over think it. your kids will love you no matter what. I have so many issues with my mom and wish she had been honest with me about things!
                    Hi Ann,
                    I agree with Iamaquitter,
                    If you will be writing for your daughter it might give her a high positive or life threatening negative impact on her life so better not to write at her name to take any risk . If you dont do so she will forget all with the time being . But still advise you to write in general,No idea ??
                    I hope other people will come here with different opinions.
                    Dix
                    A learned habit surely be unlearned !!

                    2012: Continuous AF for 7 months from May to Oct.

                    Big Relapses : 6th November and 12th December 2012.

                    2013 : So many ups and down !!

                    2014: Has a conviction to stay with a healthy life.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Good idea?

                      personally, i think it is a lovely idea. you say you have a terrific relationship with your daughter, so i don;t see how a frank and honest journaling will unduly change that.

                      my own mother keeps talking about her desire to write something - less a journal, more a recollection of my immeidate family's life togther. I wish she wasn't such a busy 66-yr old spring chicken so as she's get on and write the man thing!

                      By the way, there's probably a thousand or so journals on MWO if anyone had the desire to copy and save their entries and conversations...

                      RC

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Good idea?

                        Hi Ann,

                        Congratulations on your continued sobriety!

                        Some of the questions your asking about with your Mom, you may never know. What I can personally tell you from my own experience & listening to other alikes, problem drinkers is that many of us have similar personality traits. One of which is self loathing.

                        I personally would be careful being new in your sobriety to not write about many negative memories that might trigger stressful emotions, without help from someone. Perhaps the counselor you were seeing. Sometimes overwhelming negative memories for some people can be triggers in early recovery that may send some of us back to the bottle. But, not necessarily!

                        I did quite a bit of work in the past with trained professionals. A safe place to heal!... Some of us need to walk back thru the past to heal & others don't. I also learned in another part of my journey with other professionals CBT & DBT skills. This is where I'm not digging up old skeletons. Tho they do occasionally arise at times in my present.

                        If your going to write only about happy memories of your life to your daughter than that's a different & welcoming story for you & her.

                        I'm not sure if your trying to write a memoir for your daughter, but it sorta sounds this way. Have you thought of making a scrap book of happy memories of both your lives together? Your an artist, so you may have embellishments, pens, & other available tools.

                        It sounds like you may be missing her as I think she's on the Lincoln & is married now. I miss my youngest one terribly & sometimes cry! My other daughter is here in town, but is incredibly busy & I rarely see her these days. Part of life, but not always easy.

                        I have four Gf's & two guy friends. Two Gf's out of my home state. One I'm on the Fritz with. But, it will work out. It's a 35 yr relationship. I'm out of work. My cat can be a shitzger. I sometimes go to AA. They understand how we feel. Maybe you could give it a try? They have phone lists they hand out. I've called as suggested & it's hard as the phone feels like it weighs 100 lbs. This lady a couple of wks ago was so very happy I called her! She said nobody ever calls & she was so thrilled to hear from me. I was shocked & delighted.

                        If you were closer & wanted to, I'd buy you lunch. I've been going thru & getting rid of things to. Don't get rid of your bed! The floor & table are hard on the back. :H I hope your chest cold is better soon Ann. I hope your still seeing your counselor. Remember your never alone!!!... People here love & care about you Ann!!!...

                        Love, :h

                        Wildflowers :l

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Good idea?

                          Anne I think it could be a great idea. My mother passed with me knowing so little about her early life in particular, she wasn't an alkie but she was a very troubled person and I always wanted to understand her better and know more about her, and especially what led her to that place. I know a few things but she was so very secretive about her childhood and earlier years, and refused to talk about her past and after she passed that opportunity was lost forever, she never opened up. I still have so many questions but the one person who could answer them is gone and I feel like there was so much about her I just never knew about. I think leaving this for her after you are gone is really a good idea.

                          DG

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Good idea?

                            Hi Ann,

                            I say yes, yes, yes. Do it. You can always keep it to yourself if you aren't sure whether or not to share it in the future. Get writing!

                            Best wishes with it all. G-bloke.

                            'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                            Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Good idea?

                              Hi Molly. I'm as wise as a horses arse!

                              'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                              Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                              Comment

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