Announcement

**kuya** · October 18, 2012, 02:31 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Sausage, many,many people are teetotal either through choice or necessity. Millions and millions of people don't drink alcohol at all.
Some are famous, most are not but few advertise this fact. Some don't want to ...... Feeling it uncool. Some famous people fake still drinking to avoid the stigma of admitting to their alcoholism.
Do you think the problem may be that you still believe that drinking alcohol is normal. It is NOT NORMAL sausage, just COMMON.
If it was normal all of us as children would have chosen alcohol. Truth is we had to be taught by society to drink the stuff.
Think about smoking, when I was a child it was normal. Now smokers like me are becoming social outcasts as people choose to QUIT this unhealthy addiction

This is all you have chosen to do ...... Quit an unhealthy addiction AHEAD of the herd. It is just a poison, it has no value or purpose in your body.

Your mind is just playing tricks on you....... Don't drink again, it just leads back to here.

**mama bear** · October 18, 2012, 02:34 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

well said Kuya

**Byrdlady** · October 18, 2012, 02:55 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Sausage...this is Addiction Head....Dick Head, for short. If you took a step back and were reading this what would you advise YOU to do? It's pretty obvious, isn't it? You would certainly tell someone like you that you will likely fall back into the same trap as always. I am choosing my words carefully...as I'm running short of @$$, it's been bitten off so much lately... But if you couldn't moderate before, what would lead you to think anything has changed? More knowledge? Self awareness? Hells Bells, we've seen folks here with 15 and 20 years of sobriety fall back into the same old pattern. That day 8 months ago when you promised yourself NO MORE, your relationship with AL was as good as it's ever going to be. Notice I said 'as good as'...because it can surely get worse. ALK is a progressive disease, as you know.

I can say with assurance that at 8 months sober, you are just beginning to see the light of day...just wait til you hit a year! Remember the stages of grieving...you've heard me speak of this many times....Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance...sounds like you are wiggling around in bargaining and depression, but if you hold out, acceptance is THE best place in the world you can be. Drinking AL will no longer be 'that thing you can't do'...it's just something other people do. It isn't so important anymore. In fact, you will wonder why ANYONE drinks it! After all of this hard work and counting every single day and feeling wonderful in the process would you consider drinking again? Because THIS is the power of addiction! Don't fall for it...it IS a trick.

Dick Head is hard at work trying to romance you again...But he is an abusive lover. If you let him back in it will be worse than ever. Don't waste another year trying to beat 8.5 months...just move forward and through this. No one ever regretted NOT drinking...but just look around a little here and you will find plenty that regret going back. AL is NOT worth it. Just get past this one last big test, and you will be so happy you did. Don't give in no matter what and no matter who. Nothing has changed with AL, he is still out to kill you.

As far as looking for some other famous people who don't drink...who cares about them?...this is about you and living the best life YOU can. Please stay the course, you will never regret it!!

Byrdie

**FarfallaP** · October 18, 2012, 03:32 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Hi Sausage,

The person I knew we'll who only relapsed once, to my knowledge, was my dad. He quit drinking booze at 60, relapsed once during the first year, and never again. My stepmother was in AA, so he was no longer tempted socially, much.
At 90,he cheerfully told me he'd simply decided he was allergic to the stuff. "For me, the stuff is poison, that's all." He quit smoking at 80 and lived to be 94. and,that's all he ever said about it. FFP

**Byrdlady** · October 18, 2012, 03:40 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Sausage...
P. S. Look at your own signature line...."took one drink and it's almost taken me 3 years to find the strength to start again"

Please give your sober self a chance! B

**K9Lover** · October 18, 2012, 03:45 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Hi Sausage,

I understand what you're saying, because for the last 3-4 years I've been going back and forth...getting some serious sober time, then starting all over again. For me, there is just NO going back ever. You say that you know of "successful" people that drink from time to time, well how do you REALLY know what's going on in their lives? Even at my worst, I was still perceived as a success, from the outside. That's the deceptive nature of the alcohol beast, he won't punch us in the face because others would see those marks, no, he makes sure the bruises and scars are hidden, that way nobody will question us.

Please stay strong, I know you don't want to start over. See the reality of alcohol, and not the romanticized version.

You can do it Sausage, I have faith in you! :l

K9

**Eve11** · October 18, 2012, 03:48 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

SAUSAGE;1394978 wrote:
But it all boils down to one thing, why can't I be successful and happy and healthy in life but yet still "enjoy" a drink in moderation.

Sausage,

A guy named BlueSky had the same question and here is what he eventually concluded. Hope it helps when you're in the moment of thinking "Can I...?"

Bluesky's Story
I've been trying to moderate my drinking since my teens, and I'm now in my 40s. I finally came to the realization that, for me, abstinence is the only way, but like you, I have harbored reservations and have given it another try. It never works out for me, but still I don't learn. You see, my memory is selective. I tend to forget how sick I felt each day, the hangovers, the blackouts, the puking, the worrying about how I appeared to other people, the remorse I felt every single morning when I woke up. I was beating myself up and yet I continued. Who does that? Social drinkers don't do that. But alcoholics do.

Usually, when we have to assert so much control over our drinking, it's because it's taken control of us. Otherwise, why would we need to wrestle control back?

-- Bluesky

:l
Eve11

**porqoui** · October 18, 2012, 03:53 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Hi Sausage, started typing this, got side tracked, and now I don't know where it went....
I just wanted to say I'm glad you started this thread and am reaching out. I don't have any great words of wisdom but have done a lot of reading here at MWO.
One of the things I've heard is changing the "deprived" (I can never drink again) thinking to "grateful" (I never have to drink again) thinking. Mind you I'm one to talk as I'm still working on this.
I got hit with a "reality check" the other day and all those guilty, insecure, uselessness feelings came rushing back. While I was venting on here my mind thought First Things First I will make a budget and see exactly where I was. By the time I finished posting I felt a lot better. I think it's because I'd put a plan in place.
Maybe you need to make that plan for yourself. Check out the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for a lot of good ideas and just make a simple plan for that one milestone day. Maybe it's a new hairdo? Orange toenails with black spider webs?
And of course keep posting, reading, posting, reading....you get the idea.
:l for you and keep up the good fight.....

PPQ

**Kaslo** · October 18, 2012, 05:08 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Here is my take on this, Saus. You have a condition that makes any gluten at all painfull and the results are immediately negative, whereas in the past you have had this positive association with AL, which is no longer positive and will never be positive again. And you have consistently been presented with the false assumption that its positive for everyone except you, and your husband still drinks. I think this is typical Pavlovian conditioning, and its hard to break but not impossible. Eventually most of us who quit for good without relapses have that negative LESSON, that AL for us is worse than colitis, Khrones disease and a knee operation rolled into one. We are thoroughly done. And most of us dont have another quit in us and we cant feature the battle again, to quit. Having said all this I am not sure how to reinforce a Pavlovian negative association without the shock in the paw or the fall off the wagon. I guess you have your fear, but what a way to spend your life, when you only have one. Always feeling like you are missing out. When intellectually you completely know its not something that is ever going to be missed. The illness the waste the fatique, the look on your childrens faces, etc etc.

I dont know if this helps but I do know you are an amazing intelligent person. You have to put yourself and your kids first before anyone else. And please dont think that AL is this big advantage that others have, its a huge drain on human society. It is not this fabulous treat that the wine sellers and booze floggers make it out to be.

Not for us, anyway, and we are the only ones that count in the end. Along with the little kids. Bless them.

kas

**Byrdlady** · October 18, 2012, 05:28 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Bloody hell, Kaslo...I have colitis, Crohns and a cyst on my knee!! PLUS all this fun! How'd I get so lucky???

It could be worse, Sausage...you could be me!! XO, B

**Doggygirl** · October 18, 2012, 06:16 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Sausage, rather than fantasizing / mourning / etc. (entertaining various thought patterns) about AL, could you shift your focus and thoughts to other things? Other goals? Something you've always wanted to learn to do and now is a good time to start?

I keep saying I want to officially learn how to meditate. I finally went and identified a book today that I'm going to get to help me get started.

How 'bout it? What have you been wanting to do? (besides drink, LOL!)

"Enjoy A Drink" is an interesting concept to me. For years and years of problem drinking is was always about "I deserve a drink." " Just one drink" (which was never just one). Etc.

It wasn't that long ago that I finally thought about it, and realized that I have NEVER EVER honestly wanted "A" drink. Ever. In fact, ONE drink is just frustrating to me. I recall being at business lunches where ONE glass of wine was served, and that was it. I would be jonesing so bad to either take a risk and sneak to the bar, or get the hell out of there and get home or to another watering hole to drink more. I've never been happy with ONE - never. Not even when I first started drinking.

So I would encourage really SERIOUSLY thinking about that "Enjoy A Drink like other people" notion. If you are anything like me and never enjoyed "A" drink in the past, why would that change?

DG

**Kaslo** · October 18, 2012, 06:17 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Byrdie I was going to to say too funny, but that doesnt sound right. My sympathies. k

**kuya** · October 18, 2012, 06:39 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

Doggygirl;1395104 wrote: Sausage, rather than fantasizing / mourning / etc. (entertaining various thought patterns) about AL, could you shift your focus and thoughts to other things? Other goals? Something you've always wanted to learn to do and now is a good time to start?

I keep saying I want to officially learn how to meditate. I finally went and identified a book today that I'm going to get to help me get started.

How 'bout it? What have you been wanting to do? (besides drink, LOL!)

"Enjoy A Drink" is an interesting concept to me. For years and years of problem drinking is was always about "I deserve a drink." " Just one drink" (which was never just one). Etc.

It wasn't that long ago that I finally thought about it, and realized that I have NEVER EVER honestly wanted "A" drink. Ever. In fact, ONE drink is just frustrating to me. I recall being at business lunches where ONE glass of wine was served, and that was it. I would be jonesing so bad to either take a risk and sneak to the bar, or get the hell out of there and get home or to another watering hole to drink more. I've never been happy with ONE - never. Not even when I first started drinking.

So I would encourage really SERIOUSLY thinking about that "Enjoy A Drink like other people" notion. If you are anything like me and never enjoyed "A" drink in the past, why would that change?

DG

Doggy I am like you, one is too many and a hundred not enough! My first real drinking experience was a quarter bottle of gin, 15 years old, got alcohol poisoning and could never touch gin again( unless already drunk ...... Then I could drink it out of a shoe if necessary).

Reality is I was a drunk in the making from day UNO, even though I never GOT drunk.

**paulywogg** · October 18, 2012, 06:43 PM

Have worked out why I relapse......

d.g,said it the best one drink is frustrating,its like eating one m&m,or one potato chip! the wanting more and more feeling,thats when i get the heck with it attitude! sausage,youre doing absolutely amazing! stick it out please

Welcome Guest to My Way Out Forums.

Announcement

Have worked out why I relapse......

Have worked out why I relapse......

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment