Have worked out why I relapse......

[SAUSAGE]

Have worked out why I relapse......

Thanks everyone for all your advice and input / suggestions.

I've had some great points made to me on this thread which have really got me thinking differently and I am thinking so much more positively about my AF future today. ( the last 48 hrs had been very dodgy / dangerous!!)

There is so much good advice in this thread, virtually every response has come up with a nugget of info / different thinking, that I had not considered before. I am going to take time later this evening ( during my old witching hour!) to go through it all again and re quote or make particular note of the key things that really struck a cord - I may even put some of it in the Tool box. Glad others have found this thread valuable too.

I will be back later but please feel free to add anything else you can think of - I cannot have too much good advice on the subject!!

[Slaythefear]

Have worked out why I relapse......

Hi Sausage, I will add one more thing I found here on the boards. I posted it in the hypersensitivity thread, but I think it may help you as well to remember what it's like to start over and why you want to be sober.



This was posted in the 'What We Believe' Section by Cinders. I hope she does not mind me posting it here as I feel it may give everyone a moment of pause to think and feel in the spirit of love.




This letter is for the seven Monkees who wrote to me last night. For the Monkees who decided last night to try to swim.

Dearest Drunken Monkee Friend,

I have been where you are this morning. I?ve lived through this day. This day when you wake up terrified. When you open your eyes and it hits you . . . the jig is up. When you lie paralyzed in bed and shake from the horrifying realization that life as you know it is over.

Quickly you consider that perhaps that?s okay, because life as you know it totally blows. Even so, you can?t get out of bed because the thing is that you don?t know how. You don?t know how to live, how to interact, how to cope, how to function without a drink or at least the hope of a future drink. You never learned. You dropped out before all the lessons. So who will teach you how to live? Listen to me, because I am you.

You are shaking from withdrawal and fear and panic this morning, so you cannot see clearly. You are very, very confused right now. You think that this is the worst day of your life, but you are wrong. This is the best day of your life, friend. Things, right now, are very, very good. Better than they have ever been in your entire life. Your angels are dancing. Because you have been offered freedom from the prison of secrets. You have been offered the gift of crisis.

Kathleen Norris reminded me last night that the Greek root of the word crisis is ?to sift.? As in to shake out the excesses and leave only what?s important. That?s what crises do. They shake things up until we are forced to decide and hold onto what matters most. And what matters most right now is that you are sober. You owe the world nothing else. And so you will not worry about whether the real you will be brave or smart or funny or beautiful or responsible enough. Because the only thing you have to be is sober. You owe the world absolutely nothing but sobriety. If you are sober, you are enough. Even if you are shaking and cursing and boring and terrified. You are enough.

But becoming sober, becoming real, will be hard and painful. A lot of good things are.
Becoming sober is like recovering from frostbite.

The process of defrosting is excruciatingly painful. You have been so numb for so long. And as feeling comes back to your soul, you start to tingle, and it?s uncomfortable and strange. But then the tingles start feeling like daggers. Sadness, loss, fear, anger, all of these things that you have been numbing with the booze . . . you start to FEEL them for the first time. And it?s horrific at first, to tell you the damn truth. But feeling the pain, refusing to escape from it, is the only way to recovery. You can?t go around it, you can?t go over it, you have to go through it. There is no other option, except for amputation. And if you allow the defrosting process to take place, if you trust that it will work, if you can stand the pain, one day you will get your soul back. If you can feel, it means there has been no amputation. If you can feel, you can hope. If you can feel, you are not too late.

Friend, we need you. The world has suffered while you?ve been hiding. You are already forgiven. You are loved. All there is to do now it to step into your life. What does that mean? What the hell does that mean? This is what it means. These are the steps you take. They are plain as mud.

Get out of bed. Don?t lie there and think - thinking is the kiss of death for us - just move. Take a shower. Sing while you?re in there. MAKE YOURSELF SING. The stupider you feel, the better. Giggle at yourself, alone. Joy for its own sake . . . Joy just for you, created by you ? it?s the best. Find yourself amusing.

Put on some make-up. Blow dry your hair. Wear something nice, something that makes you feel grown up. If you have nothing, go buy something. Today?s not the day to worry too much about money. Invest in some good coffee, caffeinated and decaf. Decaf after eleven o?clock. Read your daughter a story. Don?t think about other things while you?re reading, actually pay attention to the words. Then braid your girl?s hair. Clean the sink. Keep good books within reach. Start with Traveling Mercies. David Sedaris is good, too. If you don?t have any good books, go to the library. If you don?t have a library card, apply for one. This will stress you out. You will worry that the librarian will sense that you are a disaster and reject you. But listen, they don?t know and they don?t care. They gave me a card, and I?ve got a rap sheet as long as your arm. When practicing re-entering society and risking rejection, the library is a good place to start. They have low expectations. I love the library. Also church. Both have to take you in.

Alternate two prayers ? ?Help? and ?Thank you.? That?s all the spirituality you?ll need for a while. Go to meetings. Any meeting will do. Don?t worry if the other addicts there are ?enough like you.? Face it ? we are all the same ? be humble.

Get Out Of The House. If you have nowhere to go, take a walk outside. Do not excuse yourself from walks because it?s cold. Bundle up. The sky will remind you of how big God is, and if you?re not down with God, then the oxygen will help. Same thing. Call one friend a day. Do not start the conversation by telling her how you are. Ask how she is. Really listen to her response, and offer your love. You will discover that you can help a friend just by listening, and this discovery will remind you that you are powerful and worthy.
Get a yoga DVD and a pretty mat. Practice yoga after your daughter goes to bed. The evenings are dangerous times, so have a plan. Yoga is good for people like us, it teaches us to breathe and that solitude is a gift. Learn to keep yourself company.

When you start to feel . . . do. For example ? when you start to feel scared because you don?t have enough money?.find someone to give a little money to. When you start to feel like you don?t have enough love. . . find someone to offer love. When you feel unappreciated, unacknowledged . . . appreciate and acknowledge someone in your life in a concrete way. When you feel unlucky, order yourself to consider a blessing or two. And then find a tangible way to make today somebody else?s lucky day. This strategy helps me sidestep wallowing every day.

Don?t worry about whether you like doing these things or not. You?re going to hate everything for a long while. And the fact is that you don?t even know what you like or hate yet. Just Do These Things Regardless of How You Feel About Doing These Things. Because these little things, done over and over again, eventually add up to a life. A good one.

Friend, I am sober this morning. Thank God Almighty, I?m sober this morning. I?m here, friend. Last week, my son turned nine. Which means that I haven?t had a drink for nine years and nine months. Lots of beautiful and horrible things have happened to me during the past nine years and nine months. And I have more or less handled my business day in and day out without booze. GOD, I ROCK.

And today, I?m a wife and a mother and a daughter and friend and a writer and a dreamer and a Sister to one and a ?sister? to thousands of monkees? and I wasn?t any of those things when I was a drunk.
/>And I absolutely love being a recovering alcoholic, friend. I am more proud of the ?recovering? badge I wear than any other.

What will you be, friend? What will you be when you become yourself? We would love to find out with you.

:l

[Eve11]

Have worked out why I relapse......

To Cinders,

That was absolutely beautiful!!! It deserves to be published!! At the least, it should be shared with every person who is debating and struggling. Not sure where Slay got it but it should be a sticky thread if it isn't!

:l
Eve11

[Slaythefear]

Have worked out why I relapse......

Eve11;1395723 wrote: To Cinders,

That was absolutely beautiful!!! It deserves to be published!! At the least, it should be shared with every person who is debating and struggling. Not sure where Slay got it but it should be a sticky thread if it isn't!

:l
Eve11

Eve, it was posted in the 'What We Believe' section by Cinders. Someone sent it to her in an email. When I read it, I transferred it to the Just Starting out section in the hypersensitivity thread. I thought it was so beautiful and full of love, that it needed to be shared and may help everyone to love each other. I don't know how to do a sticky note, but I agree. I'm trying to spread it around as I don't think many people have seen it and to me, it is powerful. I don't know Cinders and haven't seen her post, so have no further information.

[Slaythefear]

Have worked out why I relapse......

Eve, I believe G maybe Glennon Doyal Melton who is a writer. Love, G and Monkee would indicate that this is the person, but you may have to check with Cinders if anyone has contact with her.

Edited: (Left follow up in hypersensitivity thread as well.)

Follow up on the who G is question regarding My Dearest Drunken Monkee Friend.

Author and Blogger of ‘Momastery’
Glennon Melton in her own words:

I’m a recovering bulimic and alcoholic. For twenty years I was lost to food and booze and bad love and drugs. I suffered. My family suffered. I had a relatively magical childhood, which added an extra layer of guilt to my pain and confusion. Glennon- why are you all jacked up when you have no excuse to be all jacked up?? My best guess is that I was born a little broken, with an extra dose of sensitivity. Growing up, I felt like I was missing the armor I needed to expose myself to life’s risks – rejection, friendship, tender love. I felt awkward and unworthy and exposed. I felt naked. And I didn’t want to walk through life’s battlefield naked. I didn’t think I’d survive. So I made up my own little world called addiction and I hid there. I felt safe. No one could touch me.

Glennon Doyle Melton: Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau

[scottish lass]

Have worked out why I relapse......

Oh gosh Sausage, I saw your mention of this thread on another one, so came looking.
I have no advice or great thoughts. I do not know you well enough to work out what motivates you, but here I go....
I am still struggling to get on track after a very minor achievment. I look to people like you to show me that this can be done. I am racked with the fears that you express, and the idea that they are still there after 8 months scares the "sausage" out of me....I as a struggler need to see you as someone who can succeed.
You are calm, non confrontational, realistic and kind - and I so appreciate you.
I do not want you to feel pressure with this, but I am hoping that being a role model will appeal to you. Get past this milestone and show us that it can be done...
You have just got thru a holiday without a drink, and I am so impressed, I do think if Dear Sausage can do this, then there is hope for me and I can do this too.
I love that you face your fears, you do not hide behind them - and I respect you so much for leading the way for those of us struggling behind you.
You have never made this seem easy, and I am grateful for that - I love hearing that you fight all the way and cheer everytime you succeed - you make this real!
Please, make this challenge a success, and show us it can be done.
You are an achiever, and I know that you can do this, so do it for all of us coming behind you....
I am here cheering you on every step of the way, and really look forward to you passing this goal of yours....it will give me hope for my future...:l:l

[Raven2012]

Have worked out why I relapse......

This may not be a welcome opinion but here goes. I tend to be shy. A drink or two has given me the confidence to do things I wouldn't have done otherwise. Gone up to people and struck up a converstation and (still been sober enough) so that my intellegence and enthusiasm shined through (but it calmed my nerves). Calmed me down enough to craft an email to someone I knew I should contact but I just didn't have the nerve too.

Now I know better, I've seen my MD and take an anti-anxiety med for these occasions but so many people are adverse to that. What can be done to help people with social anxiety - besides alcohol to give them the confidence they need to put their best foot forward?

[TheSunFlower]

Have worked out why I relapse......

I have not read this whole thread.

First off one the stars who said it best...was Trace Adkins...google his wonderful exerience with AL. And his intervention.....

[Eve11]

Have worked out why I relapse......

Raven2012;1395834 wrote:
What can be done to help people with social anxiety - besides alcohol to give them the confidence they need to put their best foot forward?

I understand what you are saying as I have a gf whose husband who never go out with her because he had social anxiety disorder. Hopefully this will make you feel better to know that:

? About 15 million American adults have social anxiety disorder
? Typical age of onset: 13 years old
? 36 percent of people with social anxiety disorder report symptoms for 10 or more years before seeking help

I have not read the book but many people with this disorder recommend the book:

Triumph Over Shyness: Conquering Social Anxiety Disorder.

I have not personally tested this to know that what I am saying is true but have researched and heard that there is a natural ingredient called SEREDYN that provides a fast-acting, long-lasting relief of social anxiety. It helps you relax immediately, and only after a single dose it supposedly helps to promote a calm and confident attitude.

I was trying to see if you could buy it over the counter but the website said you could buy it online so will share that with you as well, it also says it is good for panic attack prevention...sounds good to me as I actually have a history of those. People who have never had one will never understand how debilitaing that one is...crazy how we all have our crosses to bear!

The website is: Relieve Social Anxiety Fast | SEREDYN but I would still check out your local vitamin store, Hi Health, GNC, etc.

:l
Eve11