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    #1

    starting over over again!

    Oops I did it again..after my record of 5 days of sobriety, I go and start drinking again! So typical of me, and it seems to be even worse - cause my mind was so involved in this web site, and trying to keep clean, now my drinking seems even worse? Binging Saturday (to the extreems of embarrasment) and Sunday (First thing when I wake up) - making a right royal tit of myself - I wonder what people think of me? Why can't I just be like some of them and not even bother to drink? Of course my excuse to drink was that I had not seen an old friend in a while, or it is just nice to drink, why not? If you can't beat them, join them! and the list goes on, and only now when I think of it, it makes me sick!
    Now I am starting over, the week seems fairly easy compared to the week-ends! I am just hurting myself by starting over and over, setting myself up for a fall and disappointment.
    Keep on hurting all those around me, showing no respect and no worries! I just wanjt to change (or am I just saying that cause I feel like sh*t today?) Must I just hibernate at home, not go out? Will it become worse if I finally do get the chance to drink? I told my boyfriend that I really wanted to quit, and he doesn't believe me anymore! He was drunk with me on Saturday, and not once did he say, I think you are doing the wrong thing, cause "you have come so far..." I have to blame something, someone...
    And there I am, somewhere deep inside, trying to become a good person - not having to have any dealings with booze!
    Okay, now I am on DAY 1 AGAIN... until when?
    Sob stories, feeling sorry for myself, but I seriously am now afraid of myself, I have no damn will power!
    Mel:upset:
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    #2
    starting over over again!

    Hi Mel, I'm a Mel too. Don't feel too bad I started on Friday cutting down then got blotto on Saturday. Excuse was I went out with friends etc etc. Got stright back on the wagon last night and actually drank less than my quota I had given myself. I have if anything learnt not to feel guilty because it becomes a vicious circle guilt = drink. You cant change what you did yesterday but you can change what you will do today. So dont be hard on yourself, and congrats for starting day one.
    Mel

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      #3
      starting over over again!

      HI Goldie - Mel
      Thanks for making me feel better, being here with people who understand, really helps. I hopw I can get to a stage when I can say, guess what I am day 14....! That is my first goal! Nice to meet you, please keep chatting!
      I will change what I do today! Thanks again.

      Mel
      Mel:upset:

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        #4
        starting over over again!

        Your more than welcome, and glad your feeling more cheery.

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          #5
          starting over over again!

          Hi Mel, I also let myself down this weekend - excuse ? It was the weekend! Feel like dirt today and once again on DAY ONE! On and on we go.

          Lorna
          Rather die standing, than live on my knees, begging Please..... No More.......

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            #6
            starting over over again!

            Well done tea for getting straight back in there. New day today.

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              #7
              starting over over again!

              Hello melanie. Just remember that saying: fall down 7 times and pick yourself up 8 times. Someone said that on here a while ago and i like it. It doesn't matter if you fall off that wagon as long as you start again. What else can you do, well thats what i say. I had THE most dreadful cravings all wknd and was that close to caving in but i thought ahead and remembered that HO the nxt morning. For me to think ahead is unheard of, so if i can do it, You definatly can! Thumbs up to you for day 1. B

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                #8
                starting over over again!

                Lorna, Mel & B...

                Lets just stick together, thats good enough for me! I was thinking of MWO when I was drinking but I just couldn't brace myself, I tried to block it out when I raised the drink to my lips..then forgot and blacked out....
                But thank-you to all of you cause you make the world of difference,

                Mel
                Mel:upset:

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                  #9
                  starting over over again!

                  We are here because we do not want to be a slave to alcohol. We do not like the long term results of blackouts, no control, feeling terrible every morning. We want self control and self respect.

                  Therefore..Never, never, never give up on yourself! Regroup...look at what parts of the MWO program you are using...Do you need to add another step? The CD's..the Topa? Are we taking the Sups on the right timetable?

                  Make some changes and start out again...Why? because we are worth it.

                  I also think that those who have been or are our drinking buddies, really do not want us to stop... They want us to remain their cohorts in drunken oblivion....If we stop..it puts the spot light on their drinking...So there becomes this peer pressure issues as well.

                  As they says things that are worth doing are not easy...Let's work on it together.

                  Congratulations to all on daily victories...these are the building blocks of our future success to not be a slave to alcohol....
                  Control the Mind

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                    #10
                    starting over over again!

                    I have picked up after 10 years of sobriety Im not in ahorrible place yet...but I feel that Im headed there.I just need some help to remember how to get my confidence back help...

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                      #11
                      starting over over again!

                      I agree with B! It is about getting up, not staying down. We need to resolve to get up as many times as it takes!
                      Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

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                        #12
                        starting over over again!

                        Hello to all. After a week of feeling better than I have in years with out any physical craving I too got drunk over the week end. So I am starting out new today. dree I was sober 20 and half yrs pick up a drink that was Oct. 2000 Have been AF 30 days 3x 6o 2x 90 2x and 2 out patient treatments so hope you can get back on track before it gets to bad.Blessing to all

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                          #13
                          starting over over again!

                          It's not easy....at first. But it does get easier. But for now you have to stay focused. And yes, if you want total sobriety you may have to hibernate. I gave up drinking buddies. No longer associate with them. I threw all alcohol out of the house. I avoided alcoholic functions. I tweeked the program to fit my needs. I just quit nursing school b/c the stress got too much (I had a drink after 3 mo. AF) and know the stress will get worse therefore setting me up to maybe drink again. So I quit (there were other factors as well but drinking was one of the pros of quiting). My family & sobriety are far more important. It depends on how important sobriety is to you. Stay focused and never give up~that's my main goal.
                          :flower: Change a life; make someone feel important. ................. ........................ ..................... ........................ ................. ....... sigpic

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                            #14
                            starting over over again!

                            I agree with what Rocky said and also wanted to add to look at what you HAVE done, not what you did wrong. Focus on those AF days you got in. Look at what parts of the program you might not be doing that you could start incorporating.
                            I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

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                              #15
                              starting over over again!

                              Rocky, that was absolutly profound. thank you.
                              nosce te ipsum
                              (Know Thyself)

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