Well i have been at the hosp for most of today for my second appt with psychiatrist for diagnostic purposes...and finally i have been officially diagnosed as bi polar, its such a relief that someone is at last listening to me.
I was there all day as they want to start me on Lithium but before they can do that they have to do all sorts of tests to make sure that it wont hurt me..its a really dangerous drug so iv had to give a lot of blood and have an ECG (done by a male doc...most embarrassing). On one hand im so relieved that i am now being taken seriously but on the other im scared of taking this drug....alltho it is proven to help immensely it can kill you if the levels in your blood are just a bit to high. Ill have to have blood tests and ECG's once a week for the first few months....I fear im gonna go back in to my old pattern of sweeping it under the carpet and trying to pretend that im ok....I dont want this, suddenly being told that yes..what i suspected was true. I know i wanted help and a proper diagnosis but now that iv got it im scared. I dont wanna have this illness and i dont want to poison myself with this dangerous drug....its so strange...even tho i knew it im finding it so hard to accept.
Love
Lou-Lou x x
P.S. not back at work till nxt mon now...have been given meds to control my anxiety and help me sleep before i go back.
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