Sober, but the guilt...

[Marnhall]

Hi,

I have now been sober for 2 months, and in the beginning, I was trying so hard to fight the need for a drink, I did'nt have a lot of time to think about much else. Now I am sober, the feeling of guilt and been inadequate are hitting me like a truck. I have had panic attacks. I cant look at my husband, and god knows I love him so much, over something I did 6 years ago ( he has no idea, and please do'nt tell me to get it off my chest, I am not strong enough). I have lost friends, and there words sting every single day. I try making an appointment to see someone, but cancel as I am too ashamed. Is this all part of receovery?

[Alcoholic]

Sober, but the guilt...

AA philosophy recommends you make amends. But AA isn't for everyone.

Do you feel more comfortable confessing first to an anonymous audience like this or some other forum? Or a church confessional? Write it down in a letter to him and apologize but burn the letter right away?

I also suggest a book by eckhart tolle, I think it's called a new World or something similar to that. It's about how to let go of your thoughts, your feelings, and your identity. Your identity is really all in your head anyway. And your past is all in your head. He explains it better than I do and that's why he's a best selling author and I'm not.

Good luck. Sometimes we have to let go of mistakes we made. Because who among us is perfect? Let that person cast the first stone.

[Dave_]

Sober, but the guilt...

First of all stop and take a breathe. Its natural for someone to panic when faced with life without their crutch. Your feelings and brain chemicals are all over the place because your body is adjusting to a new reality. I can't post much right now as I am heading out for work but just slow down, you are ok and this is normal.

[Wildflowers]

Sober, but the guilt...

Marnhall;1397365 wrote: Hi,

I have now been sober for 2 months, and in the beginning, I was trying so hard to fight the need for a drink, I did'nt have a lot of time to think about much else. Now I am sober, the feeling of guilt and been inadequate are hitting me like a truck. I have had panic attacks. I cant look at my husband, and god knows I love him so much, over something I did 6 years ago ( he has no idea, and please do'nt tell me to get it off my chest, I am not strong enough). I have lost friends, and there words sting every single day. I try making an appointment to see someone, but cancel as I am too ashamed. Is this all part of receovery?

Hi Marnhall & :welcome:,

Yes, I agree that it can be normal to still feel anxiety & guilt for things we did in the past. Alcohol can make us somebody we truly aren't.

I understand your fears as many of us have them. In fact fears are what drove many of us to drink. Fear's of not getting something we want, or losing something we have. I'm an alkie & have often spent too much time upstairs in my head thinking alone in an unsupervised playground. Yes, AA can help with many things, like fears.

I did the same thing years ago cancelling appts with a Counselor, but it was about something of a diff nature. Look they have heard it all & don't pass judgement. They have ethical & moral codes they have to legally follow. They are trained outsider's who have no emotional ties to you, or your family. They can be sympathetic & objective listeners. Along with diff skilled disciplines to help teach you better ways to cope.

I also suggest you don't tell your spouse. In AA the steps are in order for a reason. These particular steps 8-9 are the amends ones. When making amends (after doing the others first), it says not to make amends if it's going to harm some one.

Yes, take some deep breaths. You aren't alone! If you get a chance google PAWS it can help you to understand the physical changes you mind & body is going thru. Which may be effecting your emotions. Please re-schedule your counseling appt. I know it's scary, but you just have to break thru that fear, shame, like many of us have. It will be so worth it hun! Your mistake was a long time ago. You are a good, competent & lovable person! :l

[Marnhall]

Sober, but the guilt...

Thank you all, and thank you wildflowers. I will make that appointment.

[Wildflowers]

Sober, but the guilt...

I'm so glad to hear that Marnhall! :l A Big Congratulations On Your Two Months of Sobriety Hun! :goodjob:

[Doggygirl]

Sober, but the guilt...

Hi Marnhall. You are certainly not alone with what you are going through! Wildflowers had some great words of wisdom there and I'm glad you are making that appointment!!

In my own recovery, I found it overwhelming to spend a lot of time thinking about the past (guilt/remorse) or thinking about the future (worry and more worry). There really is a lot of wisdom in the idea of just focusing on today and taking things one day at a time.

Each day that I wake up and get out of bed, I have a chance to make better decisions today than I did back in the old drinking days. I have a chance to make decisions that will allow me to be a better person - a sober person who just tries to do the next right thing, not matter what my past was like. The BEST way to "make things right" with people we have harmed, IMO, is to do better today. Being the best person I can be today is so much more meaningful to my spouse, family, friends, etc. than a bunch of "I'm sorrys...."

Good luck to you. Recovery is not always easy but it is SO worth it.

DG